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Thursday, April 11, 2013

You’re Gonna Wanna Get That Ironed


It’s a little late this year, but fervent, almost ardent preparations are underway for this year’s Naked America!, Minneapolis’s yearly, giddy welcome of spring.  Like last year, there will be the parade on downtown and the naming of Miss Nekkid Pucker; the Bus Scramble, known in prior, less enlightened years as the Chinese Firedrill; and, of course, the often amusing half-keg shot-put event, named by Sports Illustrated as “both unsightly and disturbing”.

The first place prize for the most creative use of the words “The Netherlands” in the Haiku contest remains, as last year, a round-trip ticket to JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE ELSE.

The second place prize is a boot to the keester and a lecture from the aunt of your choice.

Am I making this up? 

Absolutely!  And you know why?

Because I can.  And because we just received six inches of snow.

Snow!  As I said to the television screen just last night “What the –“. 

And so winter spits ice into our faces just one last time and I am forced to return to my winter coat, AKA The Sleeping Bag, and my winter boots, affectionately referred to as “Snuggles” and “Butch”.

“Butch” is on the right.

Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you.  Is this what passes for spring in this part of the world?

And what does it say about me that I remain here, knowing this?



And so the voice of my grandma, sweet and country-seasoned, whispers in my ear:  Oh, hush now, you silly girl and run fetch me my recipe box.  We'll warm the kitchen at least...

35 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

And as SW Ontario falls once more into the ice bound grip of winter I second your granies advice....let's head to the kitchen and cook something.

fmcgmccllc said...

All I can say is that in our second day of rain it is still liquid. Cold, grey and wet-a Michigan spring.

Shelly said...

I like the voice of your grandma. Come down here and go to the beach with me~

haphazardlife said...

Ah yes, we are eagerly awaiting that particular manifestation of Spring in Montreal tomorrow.

I console myself by thinking that I, at least, can't legally move to New Mexico. The best I can do in Canada is go to Vancouver where it rains 300 days out of the year.

Jacquelineand.... said...

Some Chambord brownies should do the trick...and even if they don't, who'll care while they're eating them?

Pearl said...

Ahh, you people warm my the cockles of my heart.

And -- wait. There are Chambord brownies now?!

Jeanie said...

I would love to have heard your grandma's voice in the last couple of days here when it was snowing with highs in the 20s.

vanilla said...

Indeed; what does it say about you?

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Here in Portland (The one in Oregon. The real one.) we actually have a Naked Bike Ride day. It's a rather big to do where tons a of people ride their bikes through downtown naked. For real. However we hardly ever get snow here.

Buttons said...

LOVE the words of your very wise Grandma Pearl I had a Grandma just like that. Lucky girls we are. Keep the snow we in Canada do not want it now:) B

Simply Suthern said...

Seems like Spring failed to Sprung.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Oh lord I would NOT want to see one of these in the town I live in lol

Eva Gallant said...

We are scheduled for snow and sleet tomorrow...I'll be cooking to warm up the kitchen! Your grandma was a wise woman indeed!

Lorna said...

I feel mean elling you that here in Southern California the weather has been in the 70's and I am sitting here in a Hane's undershirt and white panties. My feet are covered, though -- in flipflops.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Yup - soup. Thick, hearty soup. Like a stew but drinkable. Every vege going. Barley, lentils and beans.

Yup - soup to sup. That'll fix you up. YAM &~>

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Ah yes . . . you had 6 inches of snow last night, we had 60 m.p.h. winds.

Come, Pearlie, help me pry the trampoline out of my trees.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
joeh said...

Tired of waiting for spring, Mrs. C and I are going to Aruba in 2 weeks...that's sure to bring warm weather up North!

Joanne Noragon said...

I wondered how you would deal with the snow with all that nekkedness. Best you rescheduled (I hope) and headed to the kitchen.

jenny_o said...

I think a celebration like this could really catch on across the northern part of the continent. Winter seems to be hanging on everywhere and it's making us all crazy :)

Leenie said...

Sorry about the crappy weather. It came by here and we sent it packing. Guess Idaho isn't as kind-hearted to rotten weather vagrants as it the great state of Minnesota. You guys know how to put out the welcome mat and make snow feel welcome.

I say include the storm in your Naked America!party. Call it Fear Factor Naked America!and get all kinds of attention from reality show junkies.

Ida Chiavaro said...

we had a little snow in Denmark overnight too, I have heard there is only two seasons here - A white winter and a green winter. A far cry from my homeland Australia. I'm going to warm the kitchen now :)

fishducky said...

About the NAKED BIKE RIDE: I had no idea such a thing existed! You can check it out here: http://www.laweekly.com/slideshow/world-naked-bike-ride-l-a-nsfw-30120632/

Will you be in the next one, Pearl?

The Savage said...

I think it's time we put Mother Nature in the nursing home. I know she'll protest but she's been getting loopy of late....

Linda O'Connell said...

You got snow? We got tornadoes on
the ground. I saw the best cartoon of a snowman on its back with knives plunged into it. The caption: Die winter, die!

sage said...

I wish we had snow... It was 82 degrees when I left NC on Tuesday. I flew into Lagratua (or however you spell that airport in NYC that's not JFK) and it was 95 or better... Not onside, but inside as they had serious HVAC problems in the concourse/spa that I was waiting in... And then it was back to Michigan where today it's in the mid-30s and pouring down rain.

Gigi said...

It's only because I love you that I won't tell you about the weather here...but I will say this, come on down. We'd welcome you with open arms.

Rose L said...

This weather oddity happening all over is a wake-up call to what we have done. Mother Nature is not happy!!

Elephant's Child said...

Your granny sounds very wise. I wish I had known either of mine, and hope that they too would have wisdom - and a warm kitchen.

the walking man said...

I say we skip this spring and get right to summer. I don't know how much more cold my multitude of previously broken bones can take!

Tempo said...

Australia waits for you Pearl... Of course our border protection system is getting a little harsh these days. Just about all tourists get flown to our offshore Immigration Detention Centres on Easter Island. You only remain in Prison from 6 to 18 months while they check you out from birth to now before allowing you into the country. . . but it's worth it.

River said...

I love your Granny's words. Does she have quotes for the other seasons? I'd like to hear them.

Daisy said...

We fortunately managed to dodge the snow and just have cold rain here. The daffodils have been trying to bloom for several days but haven't quite succeeded yet. I hope you bake cookies. Cookies sound good right now! Or bread! I love the smell of bread baking. :)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

and right on schedule my oldest lost his winter coat. *sigh*

Rootietoot said...

Well,Spring here...open windows, roses blooming, snow peas and salad greens,planting of tomatoes, picking of strawberries. Also rain and wind and more rain and some rain. Mud. Ponderings of turning on the air conditioner during the day and needing an extra blanket at night. oh, and the top down on the convertible. Ask again how it's going in August. I'm the in Deepest South, USA...near Savannah, Georgia.