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Monday, April 29, 2013

Part IV and Finale: D Gee Squeaking Takes the Stage


It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light.

Located in a building at the heart of the Warehouse District in Minneapolis’s North Loop, The Nip and The Saucer caters to the best cats – and the worst – the city has to offer.

“The key,” says Liza Bean, as she beckons a server with one delicate, striped paw, “is to watch one’s manners.  A glance, a gesture, the very way one holds one’s head, all of these things mean something.  In an establishment catering to those of the feline persuasion, one is polite.  Unless, of course, one wishes to fight.”

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, has sobered up considerably during the taxi ride, a 20-minute affair that includes the mysterious production of a bag of “mouse ends” (“just a little snack”) and a description, by Pupples, of the time Pupples rode all the way to the airport perched under the hood of a 2003 Cadillac Deville.  (“It was winter, and the engine was warm.  How was I ta know he’d be leavin’ the house again?  It coulda happened to any a youse guys!”)

We’ve taken a booth at the back of the room.  Our waitress, after a lift of the chin on Liza Bean’s part and a tap to the side of the nose on the waitress’s, returns quickly with a bucket of ice, a bucket of limes, and the required bottles and glasses for gin and tonics for the eight of us.

Cats love gin and tonics.

There is a light fixture at the center of the table.  “What’s this?” I say, reaching for it.

Liza Bean’s paw flies out, slaps my hand quickly.  “Don’t touch that.”

The lights on the stage at the front of the room come up, give off a warm, pink glow.  A large white cat with the full face and assured demeanor of a Tom approaches the microphone set in the center of it.

Around the room, paws stretch for the lights at the center of the tables, rapidly press the light switch on and off, a twinkling gesture of approval.

“Ahh,” I say.

Liza Bean winks at me, green eyes sparkling, lays a paw to her lips: Shhh.

The Tom leans into the microphone.  “Welcome, cats and kittens, to The Nip and The Saucer.”

I look around.  Hundreds of cats sit, paws on tables, their tails flicking back and forth. 

“Tonight’s first performer is a fine kit-tay from Northeast Minneapolis.  A cat without a hat, a dish with a lisp, let’s light ‘em up for D. Gee Squeaking!”

Lights flash rapidly – and Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers – approaches the mic.

Near the front of the stage, a bongo players begins to play.

And Dolly Gee Squeakers, aka D. Gee Squeaking, stands on her hind legs, wraps her paws around the microphone, and closes her eyes.

“I call thith one “Houthe Cat”.

She clears her tiny throat and opens her eyes.

“Houthe cat!  Houthe cat?
Windowth open on a thpring day
The birdieth alight
On the roof nectht door and I am tranthficthed
A thlave to my dethire
To have them
Pat them
Run through the houthe with them dangling from my jawth
And when I tire of that
I lay in a pool of thun,
Pat-thy Cline on the thtereo
Chain thmoking thigarettes
Houthe cat?  Houthe cat!
Don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do.”

“Thank you.”

And D. Gee Squeaking, house cat with aspirations, leaves the stage.

And The Nip and The Saucer erupts in a blaze of blinking, twinkling lights.

33 comments:

Shelly said...

I am snapping my fingers in appreciation all the way here in Texas. Still waters and lisping kittehs run deep.

Lucy Corrander at Loose and Leafy said...

Cats are clever in scrupulously maintaining their manners while being completely self-centred and demanding.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Thath the betht cat poem I've ever heard. Lighth are twinkling here.

Eva Gallant said...

That wath prithleth!

Eva Gallant said...

That wath prithleth!

terlee said...

You're a star, Dolly G...! Bravo!

(Pearl: Snorting coffee first thing in the morning is not good for the brain. Just sayin')

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Dolly Gee - finally getting thome rethpect!

Goldenoldenlady said...

A Puthycat Poetry Thlam?

Geo. said...

The atmosphere, that delightful poem --I mean it, Pearl. I was tranthficthed!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Kudoth, kudoth and again I thay kudoth...

as for Dolly. Well. Gee.

I'm squeaking all the way to Mumbai!

YAM &*>

Pearl said...

Big squeaks to all of you -- and all the way to Mumbai! :-)

I am in and out of meetings all day long here, but had to pop in quickly before lunch, just to say "hi".

HI. :-)

Hope everyone is having as good a Monday (and I AM having a good Monday) as I am!

jenny_o said...
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jenny_o said...

It'th like Dolly wath TRYING to find wordth ending in "eth" !!!

Priceless; you have outdone yourself :)

Lorna said...

I enjoyed this little story and noticed how either Dolly G has a stage name or the MC got her name wrong.

The visuals of this story are still in my head.

Buttons said...

Oh Pearl you always keep me amused:) Happy Monday. B

fishducky said...

I've thaid it before & I'll thay it again--Pearl, you are one clever lady! And I'm glad that Dolly wath thuch a thmathing thucceth!!

Kana said...

Looks like you found her - moments before she's going to to be "discovered" by some feline talent scout. She's a hit!

Joanne Noragon said...

Dolly Gee may have a book in her futue, what with her stint at the Humane Society and where ever she was prior.

Perpetua said...

Go, Dolly Gee, you're a thtar!

River said...

Well done Dolly! I'm proud of you.

Suldog said...

Has D. Gee Squeaking any plans to publish her collected works? It appears she has quite a way with words, and also an avid well-off (or, at least, fueled via other's credit cards) audience.

vanilla said...

Dolly Gee, poet and performer. Who knew?

Susan Kane said...

I will miss your adventures with L.B.

Gigi said...

Bravo, Dolly!!

Daisy said...

How privileged we are to be invited to The Nip and the Saucer. It seems a fine place.

I watched some "Henri" videos today and thought of Lisa Bean and Dolly. Cats are thimply marvelous.

Thank you for all the smiles your stories bring Pearl.

The Savage said...

Word, yo...

The Savage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HermanTurnip said...

The best I can do is play with my screen brightness in appreciation of D. Gee Squeaker's haunting oration. Bravo!

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Dolly, Dolly, Dolly you are a riot.........

Elephant's Child said...

Lighth flathing here too. Yay Dolly.

Diane Tolley said...

Lighters up, everyone!

jabblog said...

Well done, Dolly Gee, and more power to your paw!

chlost said...

Oh,my, she has come such a long way from her days at the humane society, don't you agree? Who could have guessed?
Well, other than you, Pearl.