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Sunday, April 14, 2013

3:30 Sunday Afternoon, or The Cat Takes My Money the Old Fashioned Way


Mid-afternoon. A pile of clean laundry looms before me. Maybe if I stare at it for a long time –

“What’th goin’ on?”

Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, AKA Dahli Gee, AKA Get Down Kitty, steps into the room. A long-haired Siamese/Tabby mix, she regards me with brilliantly blue, slightly crossed, eyes.

“Nothing much,” I say.

“You wanna play cardth?”

There is a slight pause. “Sure,” I say.

We step into the kitchen.

Dolly takes her usual chair, picks up a deck of cards.

They’ve been sitting on a pack of Virginia Slims.

I give her a look.

“Three a day,” she says, frowning, a mixture of apology and defiance. “I get three a day.”

“Sure,” I say again.

“Oh, don’t you bother with that none,” she says. There is an ashtray in the shape of Itasca County, Headwaters of the Mississippi, in the center of the table. She moves it to one side, resumes the rapid card-shuffling she’s been doing since she removed them from the top of the cigarettes.

She collects ashtrays, you know.

That cat must have 20, 30 of them.

I asked her about it once.

“Well, then I can remember the day I bought it,” she had said, carefully – Dolly was teased mercilessly as a kitten for her lisp, and she chooses her words, time and temperament permitting, so as to avoid the use of the “s” – “I can remember the day: the weather, the people, the area. Not to mention they add clath to the room, don’t you think?”

Dolly Gee stops shuffling, leans forward toward her cigarettes, stops mid-reach. She looks at me, shakes her head. “Hmmm,” she says.

“Having a hard time sticking to the three-a-day?”

She continues to shake her head. "I make a lot of unintended movemenths," she says, "I can tell you that much.”

Dolly Gee places the deck in the center of the table.

“Cut to deal?”

19 comments:

Jinksy said...

A lisping cat? What next? lol

Silliyak said...

Jinksy, you're not from around here are you?

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Maybe you could throw her a game or two out of pity.

The Savage said...

Like Admiral Akbar said, "It's a trap!"

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I LOVE the name Dolly Gee :)
Reminds me of my cat Ruby LOL.

jenny_o said...

Now that I know how to add clath to a room, I'll juth be out now hunting down odd-shaped athtrayth.

Pearl, don't bet with the cat ... oh no, too late!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Well gee golly, Dolly Gee, I too make a lot of unintended movementh, but for me ith the menodropthical... and maybe a wee bit of mangoholithm.

Keep thtrong puddy cat! xx

Eva Gallant said...

A lisping, smoking,card-shuffling cat is not to be trusted!

Daisy said...

I wish my dog Max would play cards with me. The only thing he ever wants to do is play fetch and that gets pretty boring after a while.

Lorna said...

Where does she keep all her ashtrays?

SparkleFarkel said...

Oh, Dolly, why can't we all have a little more "you" in us?

Jackie said...

I want a little more of Dolly in me and a LOT more of Pearl. You can write, girl....

Gigi said...

Oh so now you tell me? And here I've been futzing about with flower arrangements, vignettes, etc. And all this time, all I've needed to class up this place was ashtrays?

Betting with a cat? I suggest you play for matches....you know, cause cats are wily creatures.

sage said...

Your stories are a hoot. Good writing, just don't let your cat smoke in her bed, but I supposed smoking in a litter box would be acceptable. But then, she has an ashtray and doesn't need to drop the butts in the litter.

HermanTurnip said...

I gotta admit that Dolly Gee Squeakers is my favorite cat of your pride! She's more than welcome to smoke it up at our house any time.

Marsha @Spots and Wrinkles said...

You know, Pearl, sometimes you scare me, you really do - but only while I am laughing.

Elephant's Child said...

Class or clath, Dolly Gee has it in thpadeth. I do love your cats. Thank you.

Rose L said...

Only here can you find a lisping, smoking cat.

River said...

May I borrow Dolly gee? I'd like to learn how to shuffle. I'll buy her and ashtray if she agrees to come here.