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Monday, March 11, 2013

Why Is That In Your Bed?; or Oh, Buy a Bag of Ice Already


I should not be allowed, unsupervised, near an oven.

You would not guess, by looking at me, that I am a clumsy or distracted person.  I don’t know why I think this – perhaps it’s pure vanity on my part.  But maybe not.  After all, I’ve been told by more than one drunk guy that I have a reasonably pleasing gait.  I regularly remember people’s birthdays, particularly when reminded by Facebook.  I pay my bills on time, I bathe when necessary, and I once owned a pair of white pants that – and get this – remained white until I outgrew them. 

Then again, I once fell down doing the hokey-pokey.  What was that about?

Still.  The oven.

I made a dish Sunday night – it’s not important what the dish was – but suffice it to say that it was made in the oven.  Said dish, fresh out of the oven, had a temperature of, oh, 350 degrees.  When said dish looked that it might fall from its precarious perch in my ridiculously tiny kitchen, I reached out, reached out to save it from falling…

Well, any thinking person – and I used to count myself among them – knows what happens next.  There’s shouting, a brief bout of weeping, blistering, and standing near a cold tap until one can stands no more. 

I don’t know why I don’t have ice.  One would think someone as hip to the kitchen scene as I am, with its potato peelers and its spatulas, would have ice; but I don’t.  So when I tired of standing with my hand in cold water, I did the next best thing.

I held a can of delicious, ice-cold Fresca.

Man.  Is there anything not to love about Fresca?

In the end, of course, I took a fresh can with me to bed, holding it tenderly until two, maybe three in the morning, when I woke up in pain, refrigerated the now-warm can of pop and replaced it with a new, cold one.



And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you wake up with a can of warm Fresca by your head.

35 comments:

Shelly said...

I have a day of baking ahead of me today, and I shall use your tale as a cautionary exercise. I don't know, though, because I've done exactly what you did.

I hope you have plenty of cold Fresca on hand and that the dish you were cooking was totally delish.

SparkleFarkel said...

Good God, sorry about your self-singeing! By the by: Fresca is one of the few things I can successfully cook. (Vodka makes it howl, you know.)

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It's that female instinct to save the food in order to provide for the herd. It makes us do silly things. A bag of frozen veggies works too.

joeh said...

You must be left-handed!

vanilla said...

Sorry. Kitchen is such a perilous environment.

Hilary said...

Ouch.. I've done that. Poor you.

purplestarr said...

You don't need ice if you have snow outside! And I understand this except instead of burns, it is cuts. Lets try to forget the time I stabbed myself trying to de-pit an avocado and focus on yesterday... while grasping for the last few black olives in a can I gouged myself on a tiny piece of metal. Kitchens are awfully dangerous places.

Daisy said...

I don't have ice either Pearl. The solution is to "not cook". Order pizza or Chinese. Then you don't have to clean the oven either!

Eva Gallant said...

I have no depth perception. My right arm has a series of scars where I have burned myself various times putting things in or taking things out of the oven. I look like I used to cut myself!

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I have done this...a few times :)

jenny_o said...

Oh, ouch, Pearl! I hope you were able to save the meal, seeing as the hand got burned one way or the other. Burn victims need to eat to keep up their strength to swear.

The clutching of the Fresca was a brilliant substitute for ice. And tastier when you're done with it, too.

jenny_o said...

I just want to add, if you caught the hot dish, you are far from klutzy :)

Joanne Noragon said...

I don't cook. I can still relate,though. Ouch.

Jocelyn said...

YOU WROTE AN ODE TO FRESCA, and I find few things on the planet more refreshing and delightful than a cold Fresca.

All hail the Fresca!

Pearl said...

There actually are few things as wonderful as an ice-cold Fresca.

Patty said...

You poor thing, did you think about a frozen bag of corn or some type of vegetable? I usually run water over my burns also, well depending on where the burn is. LOL Usually mine are on my hands or arms. Did it blister much? Thanks for your visit. Hope the est of your week goes burn/blister free.

Susan Kane said...

Fresca needs to hear about this. Who knows? They might use you in a commercial.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Ovens are a evil fiery menace to society. And they seem to be in almost every kitchen you go in.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Of all the beverages I've awakened to clutching in the middle of the night, well, a Fresca has never been one of them.
The Hokey Pokey: What if it ISN'T what it's all about?
Heal well.
:)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You were right not to put a can of cold beer on your burn. Alcohol can be so drying...

Glen said...

a cunning move to get you out of a nasty mess - hope it's all better

Gigi said...

Burning myself isn't something I do regularly - but yet my husband does. No, for me it is knives. Hand me a sharp one and you can be sure I'll be bleeding in the next minute.

Geo. said...

Aloe plants are often kept in commercial kitchens here for treating burns. As a longtime gardener, I found agapanthus (Lily of the Nile --even tho it isn't a lily) sap most efficacious for burns from mower engines etc. Fresca wasn't always available. Sorry you got hurt.

chlost said...

Ow! That is all.

Lorna said...

Aha! You made me smile. You have achieved your mission of the day. I like your style and will visit again.

~Lorna
_______________________________________


Daisy said...

Ouch, ouch, ouch! So sorry to hear about your hand. It probably won't make you feel any better, but I do that sort of thing all the time. By that I mean try to catch a very hot dish that is about to fall and end up getting burned. I haven't yet taken a Fresca to bed with me (amazingly, I do generally have ice in the freezer--probably because I end up getting burned a lot), but you never know. It could happen! Hope your hand heals quickly.

bill lisleman said...

sure glad you can still type out the blog post.
Hope you are feeling better.
Hey do any of the drunk guys offer you dinner.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I feel your pain, Pearl, I feel you pain. I burn a part of me every damn week. I should only eat raw vegetables.

HermanTurnip said...

I'm the kinda guy who can burn water. I should legally not be allowed in the kitchen, unless it's to A) Stop the child from playing with a knife or 2) Wash dishes (which I'm excellent at, apparently).

ladyfi said...

Ouch! I feel your pain!

The Elephant's Child said...

Oh. Ouch. I have done that too. Though I used frozen peas not Fresca. Which cannot be refrozen, so your solution was MUCH better.

Rose L said...

OUCH!!! You know, if you do not have ice, you can use a bag of frozen veggies. They can be replaced. My mom used to use a bag of frozen peas! I do hope your hand is feeling better.

Linda O'Connell said...

I used a bag of frozen blue berrries that ruptured during the night. I thought my husband was bleeding to death. Hope you pain subsides soon.

Mitchell is Moving said...

I've done that... more often than I should admit. The burning my hand part... I've never slept with Fresca.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Wow, I didn't know they still made Fresca. I'm glad they do, for your sake. I hope it got you out of pain.

xoRobyn