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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Lady at the Bus Stop Has Her Demands


Should we run into each other today – and stranger things have happened! – you may notice that the tip of the thumbnail on my right hand is black.

Or, you may just notice my sparkling eyes. I have that effect on people.

Then again, odds are just as good that you’ll notice the blackened end of my right thumb, because once again, in an effort to clean up Our Fair City, I’ve soiled myself.

Or something to that effect.

You see, I hate graffiti. Do what you like with your own stuff, but leave my bus stop alone.

That’s right. I said “my bus stop”. It’s mine. Mine! Through ten years of steady patronage, including my fight to actually have the structure put into place and the daily litter-picking-up service that I provide throughout my neighborhood, it’s mine.

Frankly, the whole neighborhood is mine. Just ask me.

And I’m tired of it being defaced.

So here’s what I want to see happen:

Just because someone’s written/scribbled on something doesn’t mean you have to leave it there. Cover it. Right away. If it’s city property, call 311.

That mail box hanging off the post by a nail. Maybe you re-affix it, put a fresh coat of paint on it? Even that large-mouth bass mailbox you’ve been secretly coveting would be an improvement.

I want people to sweep the sidewalks in front of their houses – not just some of us! All of us. I have a neighbor that takes a knife to the edges of his yard, runs it along where the grass meets the concrete. Talk about nice-looking! Wheee-doggie. I’m not suggesting we all do that, but really, if you do? There should be some sort of tax break, don’t you think?

And window cleaning. What’s happened to window cleaning? I know it’s a drag, but dagnabit people, I want to see my face in your window!

Which reminds me: what I do not want to see in your window is your butt. While I appreciate that you work out – and frankly, it shows! – I don’t want to know that you cook in the nude. You keep that up, you’re gonna burn something that shouldn’t get burned. If you’re not going to have respect for the people walking by, won’t you at least think of the Emergency Room personnel?

I have a list of other demands, but I think you get the picture. Every day, the snow pushes back just a little further; and under that pretty white snow are the cigarette butts, bus transfers, candy wrappers, and, perhaps, even lost gloves of this last season.

Spring is coming. Let’s greet it.

And put some dang pants on.

30 comments:

Shelly said...

If ever I visit Minneapolis, I shall have to watch my tagging, and especially at your bus stop.

Simply Suthern said...

Ah-ight Peeping Pearl, I will do my best. But while you are busy peering in why dont ya wipe that pane down. I'll leave some supplies on the door step.

Vicus Scurra said...

A tad bossy today, young lady. I recommend a little more tolerance. If Goldie Hawn is the neighbour who cooks in the nude please send pictures, not that I am any sort of pervert, you understand.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

I was right there with ya, Pearl.
Until you told me to put on pants. You know how I feel about that.
;)

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Ah yes...cover up and keep your neighbourhood beautiful.

haphazardlife said...

Sigh... I just noticed yesterday that someone tagged the back of our house. They walked through the alleyway and tagged the brick. Are you f-ing kidding me? At least if you're gonna deface my house make it look good!

There are times when (GASP!!!) living in the burbs seems like it could be a half decent idea.

Pearl said...

Shelly, I appreciate it. :-)

Simply, ha! Random cleaning. I like it. I walked through the neighborhood last fall, picking up street trash and whatnot and ended up spending a good 5, 6 minutes in front of a particular house... Their boulevard was awful, McD's bags and whatnot, and made the houses around it look bad. What the heck -- I picked it up. I always wonder if they noticed...

Vicus, :-) well dammit, someone has to take charge!! I'm not sure that was Goldie Hawn (do you know I have a goldfish named Goldie Spawn?), but I'll go take another look, just for you.

Dawn, we HAVE discussed pants, haven't we? I hereby grant Dawn Pants Immunity. DONE! :-)

Delores, it's the decent thing to do!

haphazard, noooooo! We had our two garages (we own the property next to ours as well) tagged a couple years ago -- the whole alley was hit. I was SO angry! Mark your own crap up!
It's true there is less tagging in the 'burbs -- but there are far more "backyard fire pits", and I can do without that as well.

Jackie said...

Hope you find Rightie...even though it may not be wearable...sigh.
Don't like graffiti...or litter.
Hugs,
J.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Says a lot for ashram living... but am glad nobody can see in this window right now 80>=

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
oops - forgot to respond to your request from yesterday... (realised am not quite "au fait" enough with all this networking bizzo to contact you privately so forgive public usage here)

Thank you for asking - from my Google bio page there are links of course or you can start at
http://inimaynaelcammeno.blogspot.in
...sorry don't know either how to hyperlink that for you &< Got me some educationalisation still do around here! Any way, there are links to the other three sides of my Take-odd-rangle from there.

If you still have trouble do please advise me via the email on the bio page as I need to know if there is a fix to be made. Getting a fair few hits, though, so something is working. (YAM! kya? Chup!) #}

bill lisleman said...

Holy graffiti confetti - a lawn edging tax break. No we don't need another tax loophole for rich lawn owners. Get your tax loophole off my lawn!

Joanne Noragon said...

You definitely need a good dose of spring.

jenny_o said...

My mother used to edge her lawn like that, with a gigantic old sharp knife. Scared the dickens out of me. Even if there was a tax break I couldn't do it; I'd be missing a limb, or maybe my life, by now. But it sure makes a nice clean edge :)

Daisy said...

I used to edge my walk with an old butcher knife...back when I could bend over! Windows tho? And mess us those doggie nose autographs?
Daisy's Barbara

Mitchell is Moving said...

This reminds of the lady who complained about all the naked people on the beach. "I've been watching them for 4 hours. It's disgusting. I've never stayed at the beach so long."

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

But if I'm not wearing any pants then the Emergency Room personnel don't have to worry about taking them off me. Efficiency!

Glen said...

I reckon I'd notice your eyes - eventually.

Amazing how impossible such a simply possible set of ideas is to get done - people do need to stick together a bit on this - agreed

Kana said...

You are undisputed owner of the street and stop: all hail!

That 311 thing you mentioned; is that a public-issues-but-not-emergencies number? Is it good in all states respectively? Coz there's an underpass mattress I want to tell somebody about without tying up the lifeline.

You're outstripping us up here on the melting - 20F again today - but it IS happening, slowly, and all sorts of detritus is rearing its nasty head:

http://puttingthingsintoproportion.blogspot.com/2013/03/cracks.html

Eva Gallant said...

You go, girl! Minneapolis is lucky to have you!

Daisy said...

You tell 'em.

Pearl for President! :D

Linda O'Connell said...

Sounds like somebody's been flaunting or flashing. Warmer weather makes everyone want to peel their layers, I guess.

Geo. said...

You would approve of my nudity. No butt. Worked butt off years ago. Spanish, Portuguese heritage. Flamenco dancers are constantly looking back at their rears. When they see nothing, they retire like me. Not to be confused with flamingo dancing, especially when ordering tights.

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

Sorry Pearl, I just can't do it.

I shall remain naked as often as possible (whether cooking, cleaning or playing Yahtzee)... still love you though.

HermanTurnip said...

I think you've presented a fair list of demands, but more window peeping should be required on your part. There's quite a bit of questionable behavior that fascinates^H^H^H^Hdisgusts me, and we must root it out at the source.

Lin said...

Just maintain your property--that's all I ask...and it's apparently too much for my 'hood. I'm one of those lawn edger folks, but my neighbors are not. We've got a dead-as-a-doornail overgrown mugo pine between our houses and seriously, you probably should not light a match within 20 feet of that thing or it's goin' up in flames. My husband and I have bets on how many years it's gonna be like that before somebody does something about it. Then again...they may never do anything about it.

Sigh.

River said...

I noticed the other day that my window was dirty and thought about cleaning it, but that's just too much work, so I pulled the awning down over it instead. Covers it nicely and looks good too.

Rose L said...

Okay, I'll wear a large apron next time I cook. Why are you peeking in my windows anyways???
I thought the dirty windows would prevent people from seeing in!

Lorna said...

Again you make me smile.

~Lorna
_______________________________________


The Elephant's Child said...

And clean up after your dog. Before I bag it up and put it in your letter box. You know who I mean...

Roshni AaMom said...

You're awesome, Pearl! Even though I don't sweep the front of my house....