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Friday, March 8, 2013

Everybody's Somebody's Monkey


Let me just step out onto a limb here and say that one thing I think we can all agree on is that what this country needs is a good Chore Monkey.

Tired of scraping your own dishes? Don’t think you should be the one to run to the gas station for cigarettes, even if you’re the one planning to smoke them? Are you thinking that even a monkey would do a better job of painting your toenails than you just did?

See? This is what I’m talking about.

The Chore Monkey.

Sure, sure, I can hear you now. Chore Monkey? Isn’t that why I had kids?

Well, sure it is! But I challenge you to put a four-year-old boy and a four-year-old chimp in a race to the corner store and you tell me which one makes it back first. My money’s on the chimp.

And let’s not even get started with how Child Protective Services views a Chore Baby. Sure, you put a monkey in a pair of painter’s pants and a cap and hang him outside the second floor to clean your windows and it’s cute; but you dress up your toddler like that and let him clean the windows and suddenly there are vehicles equipped with flashing lights and sirens in front of your house.

No, no. Let’s stick with a Chore Monkey. I can make up that weird little room under the stairs, clear a shelf in my fridge – he can even borrow the car as long as he puts gas in it.

And lest you think me unfeeling, I’m offering four weeks’ paid vacation a year. And sick days. And a 401(k) retirement plan.

Wait a minute. I’ve just gotten a very uncomfortable feeling here.

Is it possible that I’m somebody’s monkey?


Happy Friday, everyone!  I'm here all weekend...

33 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Oh, oh. Looks like the banana peel feel pretty close to home.

Pearl said...

:-) Eeee! Eeeeee!

George Turnbull said...

Back in your tree Pearlchen!

Pearl said...

George, I repeat: Eeeee! Eeeeee!

:-)

Shelly said...

I want to replace the poo flinging monkeys with chore monkeys.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
well, spookerooni - this very morning a pair of monkeys ran past my window. I'm not joking, keep watching the blog for the photographic evidence!

Don't think they had plans to clean me windies though...

Have been known to dress myself in a pair of pants and hang the backend out the front. THAT I do NOT have piccies of, you'll be relieved to hear. &>

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

You have an idea worth investigating.

From what I have learned though, many men think that is what they get when they marry.

Geo. said...

Are we somebody's monkies? Not a safe question. Whole religions get started over it.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

Have a great weekend Monkey :)

Jayne Martin said...

Chore monkey! Go patent that right now. Do you take Visa?

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I've also noticed that Child Protective Services frowns on sending your toddler down wells to retrieve your drop keys or what not. Not to mention it can sometimes take them weeks to get back out and often requires the assistance of the entire fire department to do so. I bet a chore monkey could get in and out in no time.

Juli said...

In today's economy, 4 weeks paid vacation, sick time and a 401K.... seems being a chore monkey isn't so bad.

I'm home on one of those paid sick days today....

jenny_o said...

It occurs to me that Liza Bean might have something to say about the monkey borrowing the car.

Best if the car is just off the bargaining table altogether. Do you have a bike? Or a pony?

joeh said...

You might have been dropped on your head as an infant cause your mind does not work like the rest of ours.

Don't know if it is fun living in your head, but I sure enjoy what comes out of it!

Daisy said...

I'd love to have a chore monkey, but I imagine I would just end up cleaning up after it, so I guess I'll pass.

Have a great weekend, Pearl!

Douglas said...

My father thought I was TV remote control device for many years.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I may have a candidate for that job right here at my house...oh hubs dearie....Pearl needs a chore monkey and she pays WAY better than I do. Don't forget to bring the paycheque home to me.

NotesFromAbroad said...

OMIGOD, Pearl !! The tune ! it is in my head now !
Connie Francis !!

Karen Jones Gowen said...

I want a chore monkey!

Lin said...

I'm forever trying to convince the cats that they need to earn their keep. Can you imagine coming home to freshly laundered clothes? Okay, so they would just do it to sit on it....I can handle that.

Belle said...

My sister says if she wins the lottery she will hire a shopper, a pool guy and a maid. One chore monkey would be better, I think.

klahanie said...

Hi Pearl,

Aha, my human friend, yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

I reckon you could be my monkey, human Pearl. You could fix me loads of doggy treats and cater to my every whim. Give my ridiculous human a break. You remember him? You were going to marry him in some kind of bizarre blogger marriage. Yes, you can think about it over the weekend while you are evidently going to be here or is it there all the weekend?

Bye, my human friend.

Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses,
Penny xx :)

Rose L said...

Shelly: I have never had monkeys toss poo at me...maybe you offended them or something.
Organ grinders had moneys work for them! And some disabled people have trained monkeys to do a variety of helpful chores. I would only want the monkey to scrub the toilets, clean out the litter box, water the plants (with water in a watering can), wash the windows, and dust the furniture. i can do some of the work. Then we could sit in the evenings playing Mexican Train Dominoes.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Plus monkeys kinda stay like kids. Kid power was great while it lasted, and then the little ingrates grew up.

River said...

I could use a chore monkey right now. He could wash the bins and vacuum while I lie down on the cool, cool, bathroom tiles.

Linda O'Connell said...

My dad promised me a chore monkey when I was five. I've been one, never had one.

Lo said...

Hmmmm......four weeks vacation AND sick leave? Where do I sign up?

Great blog, Pearlie.

Pat Tillett said...

I don't care even a tiny bit if it's wrong, but I want at least two of them. One to do my all my chores around the house and garage and two to work full time jobs, for which I will be paid.... You've hit gold this time Pearl!

The Elephant's Child said...

It seems that too many of us know what it feels like to be a chore monkey (the cat's chore monkey in my case) and too few of us know what it is like to have one. To even borrow one. Sigh.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

I think you've really got something here, Pearl. Less work: It's an idea we can all get behind.

Suldog said...

Can I get a chore monkey to type my blog? I'm fairly certain nobody would notice the difference, except for the improved grammar, and I'd like to free up that time so I could watch more Beverly Hillbillies reruns.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Is a chore monkey good or evil......

Birdie said...

If it can give a decent back massage I am in! And I am pretty sure you would not have to pay them anything except bananas which are really cheap at Costco.