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Monday, March 25, 2013

And the Orangemen Sound Delicious


Dolly lays on her back in the living room, arms and legs akimbo, a fuzzy and most un-seaworthy canoe.

Her eyes riveted on the television, her NCAA Mens Divisional Basketball Championship bracket lies near her head.

“I’m surprised you’re putting yourself through this again.”

The cat, a long-haired Siamese/badger/speed bump mixture, sighs.

It happens every year:  Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane
Society Squeakers, bets more than she can afford on college sports.

And like last year, she is about to lose her cigarette money.

“It’s probably time to quit anyway,” I say.

She looks at me, expressionless.

“Smoking,” I say.

She turns back to the TV.

“It’s too early to be worried,” I soothe.  “Your teams are all still, um…”  I trail off.  I know nothing of sports, scoring, or brackets.

Dolly’s got good reason to be concerned, though. There’s precedent.

It is pathetic, really.  After last year’s loss, her two-cigs a day habit had, out of necessity, been reduced to one a day.  For days after the Jayhawks lost to the Wild Cats, she had smoked in four- and five-hit increments morosely sitting at the kitchen table, a figure of loss and self-doubt.  Last year’s system had been based on her love of birds, despite having had a successful year prior to that going with big mascots beating small mascots. 

“I didn’t thtick to my thythem,” she whispers.

Teased as a kitten for her lisp, it is rare that we hear from Dolly.

I follow her gaze to the television.  Minnesota is playing Florida.  “Wait.  You went with Minnesota?”

The cat meets my eye and dips her chin, a brief, somehow fatalistic gesture.

“But,” I frown, “I thought you were going back to big mascots over little mascots.  A Florida Gator is bigger than a Minnesota Gopher.”

Dolly Gee Squeakers fixes her brilliantly blue, ever-so-slightly crossed eyes on me.  “I know that,” she says, “but the gopher...”  She stops abruptly with a faraway look in her eye.  “I love them,” she whispers, a scarcely audible whisper full of longing.  “Tho help me, I love the little gopherth.”

I lean toward her, run a finger between her silky ears.  “Who you got going all the way?”

Dolly thinks before speaking.  “A particular college in New York.”

I smile.  “Syracuse?”

Dolly smiles, a charming thing in a cat.  “Orangemen,” she says dreamily.  “Orangemen.”

28 comments:

Shelly said...

Let's hope, for Dolly's little lisping sake, those Orangemen come through, but I have a feeling it's a team with the color Blue in its name that's going all the way this year...

Eva Gallant said...

Poor Dolly...The road to the final four will be lined with cigarette butts!

joeh said...

Sheth sthill got a shot!

Laughing out loud!

jenny_o said...

And let us all pause for a moment and wonder HOW Dolly loves the little gophers ... with or without BBQ sauce, perhaps? With a side of braised mouse? And a tall glass of half and half?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Lordy, this cat needs intervention!

Apart from that I got no idea what she's on about. Now if she'd mentioned Shane Warne with right arm over wrist spin....

8~>

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Orangemen are lovely indeed but chocolate men are better.

bill lisleman said...

Oh the bracket racket, it should be turned over to the cats. Who else could win by a whisker?

3 doxies said...

Ah...Dolly...already loves her. I knows smokin' is n=bad fur your health but fur blog purposes it's hilarious cuz I is a bad dog too but I does da beer thang.

Oh and I has no clue bout basketball.

Puddles

Joanne Noragon said...

Does Dolly know orangemen are not gummy, like gophers. It's not too late, I think. Or are those brackets written in ink?

Jackie said...

Gators and gophers...
Got 'em both down here.
Orange Men?
Not so much....

savannah said...

march madness, right? i'm studin' the nfl draft, sweetpea, not b-ball! but all my best to Dolly! xoxoxoxo

Mitchell is Moving said...

I love this. I just fell in love with Dolly!

Pearl said...

Interwebz issues...

Dolly sends her love. She's on the front porch, thinking of asking the dog downstairs if he still smokes...

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Sounds as if Dolly's bracket is still alive and kickin' :)

Gigi said...

Dolly would fit right in down here - March madness is EVERYWHERE. *sigh* Would you believe I'd never heard of it before I moved here?

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Oh Dolly, cigs and gambling will lead you to no good end.

Lin said...

If you are gonna gamble your cig money, then you got to pick a good team name, then a lovely jersey (uniform?) color. It's the only way to ensure success.

Here's to the Orangemen, Dolly!

Daisy said...

Poor Dolly. It sounds as if the odds are against her. Smoking really isn't very good for her anyway.

HermanTurnip said...

Don't worry. I hear cats with lisps can bet best two out of three. Better odds based on cuteness level, I always say.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

What a bloody great post, made me smile and giggle.......

Bodacious Boomer said...

How come Dolly can lay arms and legs all akimbo and be cute? When I do it people think I've had a seizure.

Lorna said...

Who or what are orangemen? I feel like an idiot.

~Lorna
_______________________________________


River said...

Poor Dolly. I hope the dig downstairs has a consolation ciggie handy. If not, then there's no better time to quit than right now.

Geo. said...

I don't know what's acceptable here in California any more. I stopped smoking tobacco in public many years ago --occasionally indulge in private-- but never quite made the switch to gophers because they're too hard to keep lit.

Elephant's Child said...

Poor, poor Dolly. And I am still smiling (loudly) at the image of her as an un-seaworthy canoe. Thank you.

The Geezers said...

Delightful post. Despite a life-long mutual antagonism with cats, this one I could almost learn to love.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Wow. It IS rare to hear from Dolly, indeed!
Who knew that March Madness would get her a-talkin'?

Suldog said...

Love this. No attempt at a funny comment or whatever; just love the imagery.

I do, though, think the bigger mascot thing is an interesting choice. MY WIFE and I often play "Which team would win if the teams were actually made up of what their name is?" (although we decided long ago that it doesn't work with the NFL because otherwise The Saints wold never lose.)