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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Wherein We Find Tim Conway in my Muffler


Pearl, who refers to herself in the third-person whilst not feeling well, posts this one about the car before the current car...  Enjoy!


“Tell me again,” he says. “What’s wrong with your car?”

“Besides the leprosy?”

Jon stares at me. I sigh. “Well, it sounds like a two-seater airplane.”

“One of those kinds with a woman strapped to a wing,” Mary prompts.

“Yes,” I say. “One of those.”

“And the pilot wears one of those leather caps,” she says.

Jon gives us a cockeyed look, shakes his head slightly. “Let’s go ahead and drive it around the back,” he says.

And so we’ve come to another Saturday, another day given over to the care and feeding of the car Maryna charmingly refers to as my “piece of sheet”, as in “Pearl! Ees not right, beautiful woman in piece of sheet car!  You’re not ashamed?”

I laugh at her, of course. It’s a one-payment car that runs and has heat, not to mention the luxury of sporting a look that guarantees it will never be stolen.

Jon moves around to the rear of the car where he is hoping that a bit of carpeting maneuvered under the back end will entice the two of us to crawl under it, the better to see how truly damaged it is.

Not surprisingly, we are less than enthusiastic about an up-close view of the exhaust system.

“Hey, Mare,” he says, “remember when I was telling you about glasspac mufflers?”


(This pic is not of Jon!)

Mary comes around to the dual exhaust and lets out a yelp. “Holy Hannah!” she cries. “You’ve got a wig stuck in your muffler!”

“That’s the fiberglass in the muffler I was telling you about,” Jon says.

Mary is not to be educated at this point, however, and alternates between crouching to look closer and jumping back. “You’ve killed Mrs. Whiggins’ boss!” she howls.


Jon stares at me.

“Carol Burnett Show,” I say.

He nods, lights a Black and Mild (Original Plastic Tip).

“So can you fix it?”

He frowns at me, purses his lips in a look that says, “Woman, please.”

We turn to where Mary is still hunkered down. Laughing to herself, she looks up. “Pearl! You’ve got a wig in your tailpipe!” She shakes her head, laughs until tears roll down her face.

I look at Jon. He winks at me, digs an elbow into my ribs. “I’m going to need you to distract Mary for a while,” he says.

33 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

You distract Mary, I'm going to go watch Carol Burnett reruns. Oh Mrs Wiggins.....

Simply Suthern said...

I've seen some stuff(ing) in my life but have never seen a muffler yeild that.

Are you sure you didnt suck a Tribble down your intake?

Leenie said...

Hah minny tahms du I haf to tell yu--don't mess with mah toop!

Eva Gallant said...

A muffler with a hairball????

savannah said...

sweet mary sunshine, sugar! what the hell goes on up there? xoxoxo

Shelly said...

Now my mind is going to be on Mrs. ah- Whiggins all day! Not an ear worm, but a brain worm!

Pearl said...

Ahhh. Mrs. Ah-Whiggins.

Man but I loved The Carol Burnett Show. :-)

And a big "HAH!" to Leenie. Nicely done.

Silliyak said...

We are not well either. Started with the 49's playoff game when we got a sore throat. Day 5, it's in our lungs and we feel like we might cough up one of those fiberglass wigs. In the beginning we were imagining sucking up all the bad ju ju like Jon Cofey on Green Mile, and we certainly have been "powful tired boss" in fact it's back to bed now...

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Thank you, thank you Pearl for reminding me of Mrs. Ha-Whiggins...how Marshall the Neighbor Boy and I used to laugh, while playing Peoples and football, imitating... "Mrs. Ha-Whiggins!! Mrs. Ha-Whiggins!!" 8 years old, doubled over, crying with laughter.

Stephen Hayes said...

I haven't thought about the Carol Burnett Show in a while. So much to laugh at on that show.

Vinny C said...

I don't know what kind of freaky stuff your car got up to when you were asleep, but from the looks of what came out of its tailpipe, I don't think I want to know.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Yep, that's a giant hairball alright! What a hoot.
xo jj

jabblog said...

A car that grooms itself and gets furballs - amazing.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

A wig! In your muffler! How awfully funny!

Joshua said...

So that's where he's been.

Teresa Evangeline said...

Absolutely hilarious.

Susan Kane said...

Oh, Tim Conway and Carol--the world needs you! Time to go to NetFlix and enjoy some true laughter.

What WAS that thing?

Geo. said...

I pick those same hairy things out of our shower drain. Could the spirit of Mr. Tudball be in there too?

Pearl said...

Honestly, that stuff is what's inside a glasspac muffler. It's fiberglass, and ya don't want it getting caught in your clothing. :-) Those lousy little fibers will never go away and they itch like crazy.

Jacquelineand.... said...

Are you sure you didn't do something to annoy Mz. Liza Bean Bitey? I'm sure she could find a way to deposit a fibreglass hairball in your muffler!

Roshni AaMom said...

That does look like a 'sheety' wig!!

esbboston said...

There is a smaLL town, no, let's say truckstop with ancient mainly abandoned buildings, that is to the south of me on I-40 named Conway. On the rare occasions that I have passed through this twamab I don't recaLL ever thinking about Tim. Perhaps I wiLL in the future. I might let you know, but only if I remember. I checked Google Earth and I am almost eXactly north of the truckstop.

jenny_o said...

Pearl, I think you would have been a fine addition to the Carol Burnett show. Except you weren't old enough. But you know what I mean.

Super post :)

Gigi said...

Oh jeez! I haven't thought about the Carol Burnett show in YEARS! I miss that kind of television. Feel better soon.

Daisy said...

Hmm, I don't know much about cars, but I don't think there should be a wig in your muffler. Perhaps a haircut is in order? :D

Rose L said...

What a scene this post created in my head! so funny.

Belle said...

We have had mufflers fall off our cars, but I don't remember seeing wigs or fiberglass! Mrs. Whiggins was my favorite skit on that show.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Bloody good post made me chuckle thanks for that

wellfedfred said...

Please tell me the cat is ok.

River said...

That's a pretty big hairball. I'd be asking the cats a few questions.
How many times has Liza Bean borrowed your car?

Pat said...

Yes I can well imagine being enticed by a bit of carpet stuck under the back end.

Linda O'Connell said...

You took me on a ride and I loved it! Thanks. Hope you feel better.

Jayne Martin said...

I've never heard of such a thing. You never fail to enlighten and entertain. Now I'm off to look up my tailpipe. ;)