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Saturday, January 5, 2013

What The Cleaning Ladies are Talking About


I pick her up after work. No time today: I change out of my office clothes, grab my cleaning supplies, and hit rush hour traffic in time to sit motionless between intermittent bouts of speed.

Everyone should relax between jobs.

She jumps into the car as I roll up.

“You ready to clean?”

“I am ready to shake a rag, I’ll tell you what!”

We do this, sometimes, Mary and I, clean houses. It keeps us in touch with our humble roots, gives us the satisfaction of meaningful labor with immediate results.

But mostly, it gives us a chance to look at other people’s furniture.

The iPod plugged in, we wind our way through the streets of Edina looking for tonight’s house.

“I ate the most wonderful thing today.”

I turn to stare at her as long as one can while still driving. When someone throws out a statement like that, it’s best to let them finish unaided.

“A donut,” she says, a smile playing lightly on her lips.

“A donut,” I say.

“A maple and bacon donut.”

I turn to stare again.

“I know! I know!” If you wait long enough, Mary will chastise herself with no effort on your part at all. “What can you do to make a donut even more fattening? Bacon!”

“Was it good?”

“It was better than good,” she says dreamily. “It was like getting away with something.” She stares out the side window as her voice resumes its normal tone. “Of course, afterwards I felt the need to atone, so I took a brisk walk.”

“That would have to have been a pretty brisk walk, a bacon-and-maple donut…”

“Shhh,” she says, raising an index finger to her lips. “I’m thinking about donuts.”

For the rest of the evening, Mary wandered by me, vacuum or rag in hand, only to mutter the words “bacon donuts” out of the side of her mouth.

And I was left to ponder the powers of salt, sugar, and fat.

29 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Sounds like bliss to me.

fmcgmccllc said...

That does sound wonderful. I had to give up donuts because when I ate them I went on an eating binge that lasted for 2 days. I would eat anything I found.

jabblog said...

Housework is good exercise - builds up a good appetite too;-)

Pat said...

Have a heart! I'm trying to hang on till dinner!

Nessa Roo said...

There's a wonderful donut shop four blocks from my house. I could walk there, eat a donut, walk back. No worries, right? I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when I ask for extra bacon.

Geo. said...

Yes, that's how it starts --innocent recreational bacon indulgence. Then one develops a tolerance; then comes addiction and one is a GUY. Warn Mary!

TexWisGirl said...

I always enjoy the adventues of pearl and mary.

sage said...

You are a busy woman, Pearl. But bacon and donuts don't belong together (and people make fun of my fruitcake)!

mapstew said...

Yummers! :¬)

xxx

Ms Sparrow said...

I can't wait to see what kind of burger Paula Deen comes up with!

jenny_o said...

I really, REALLY don't need another vice with salt sugar and fat in it - stop that right now!!

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

When my husband and I first started going out 40 years ago, one of our favorite stops was a donut shop in Berkeley. Oh, my, those donuts were good. Unfortunately he has to watch his cholesterol now, and I keep him company, so that he doesn't have to watch me eat what he can't have. But those were good times.

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

When my husband and I first started going out 40 years ago, one of our favorite stops was a donut shop in Berkeley. Oh, my, those donuts were good. Unfortunately he has to watch his cholesterol now, and I keep him company, so that he doesn't have to watch me eat what he can't have. But those were good times.

Sioux said...

One of the Illinois semi-pro baseball teams serves up a hamburger (with bacon) and the "bun" is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on top and another one of the bottom.

I haven't had one, but it sounds good enough to stop your heart.

Al Penwasser said...

ANYthing with bacon on it is breathtaking.
Especially if it's on MORE bacon.
Mmmmmmmm........bacon.............

Buttons said...

Oh I can smell the bacon, is that weird? Sounds like something from Canada. Your welcome:) B

Linda O'Connell said...

Bacon on a donut, now that sounds like a heaven.

Red said...

Great comment on our guilty feelings regarding food.

Daisy said...

I've heard of those but have never tried one. I think I'd rather have my donut without the bacon or my bacon without the donut!

Kathleen McCoy said...

A bacon and maple donut sounds like absolute bliss! All that fat and sugar in one tasty morsel! I think I need to go on a brisk walk right now just hearing about it!

klahanie said...

Hey Pearl!

A nice clean posting by your good self :) That sounds very much like a Canadian doughnut, eh or "donut", apologies to my spell check....

And yes, speaking of bloggy love, I think you might like to check out my latest posting on my lousy site :)

Your starstruck fan,

Gary

Stephen Hayes said...

I keep seeing bacon-covered maple bars at the bakery but they just don't seem that appealing to me. Maybe I should try one.

Roshni AaMom said...

cleaning does burn calories....so I have heard!

The Elephant's Child said...

Nope. No charm. I don't like maple syrup (too sweet) and even before I turned vegetarian bacon was firmly on the savoury side of the equation. Now if it had been a good chocolate brownie now...

River said...

Maple doughnut?
Yes.
Bacon?
Okay.
Together?
NONONONONONONO.

NellieVaughn said...

If she loved that, wait until she tries bacon ice cream. I saw a YouTube video of a lady enjoying a scoop, and she said it was an emotional experience. I do fun things with my free time.

vanilla said...

Drat! Now I'm thinking about donuts.

chlost said...

OKay, now I must know....where in the Twin Cities are these delights available? I may or may not try them, but I need to know!
Also, to Sioux above, I heard a 2009 radio interview with Paula Deen (pre diabetes) and she was taling about inventing the krispy kreme donut as a bun for a burger. Not sure about the bacon part. That sounded disgusting, but she claimed it was delicious-in her Southern accent way.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Bacon donuts sound weird to me.......
yes I love bacon and yes I love donuts but not together........cleaning is always good when you are being paid to clean someone elses home.....