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Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Third Round Involves Answering Using Helium-Balloon Voices


I’ve got a great idea for a game show, one I’ve patterned on my life and the lives of the people around me. I’m quite sure that this is, as we say in Minnesota, a “big wiener”, so we should probably hug and say our good-byes now, as I expect I’ll soon be hounded by TV execs and find myself at parties sipping tiny margaritas out of Johnny Depp’s navel...

I'm sorry. Where was I?

Oh, yes. The game show.

You ready? Here it comes.

The show is called “They Never Saw It Coming”. The premise is that of the people in the room, at least one of them is lying to you – can you tell which one? Each segment of the show has a definite solid clue in it as to what you should do or who you can trust. The whole show lies in observation, with each level or segment taking you to the “center” where you are given a change to win Big Money based on a question that should be answerable from the previous situations/questions.

It starts out easy, of course. All you have to do is observe. Look at that man’s shifty eyes! Why does he seem nervous? And why does that woman laugh at everything you say? You’re not that funny. Check your purse – is your wallet still in it?

So what would be an example of an easy first round?

“Excuse me, ma’am? Do you have fifty cents? My kids are hungry, and I want to take them to McDonald’s.”

Now why is this an easy question?

Because no man should be approaching me to feed his kids, especially at McDonald’s. Offer the man an apple and walk away. Next question.

You’ve received a call from the mechanic working on your car. He needs your credit card as it seems that part of your problem is that you are low on blinker fluid and you’re going to need your head gasket rotated. Oh, and you see that? Under the hood and behind that pulley there? Those reluctors are ready to go out and MAN are they tough to replace. Very sensitive instruments, those.

So what do you do?

If you wish to proceed to the next round, you tell him you’ll be by to pick up your car within the hour. Everyone knows that the problem is with the lug-nut gap. Besides, when's the last time you cleaned your windshield? That's going to affect performance as well.

It’ll take work, of course; but I think I’m on to a winner.

Now who wants to play “They Never Saw It Coming”?

23 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I'm a lousy judge of character....I'd probably give him my credit card number.

Douglas said...

Wow! Talk about coincidences... I had to replace my blinker fluid and my reluctors on the same day just last week.

wellfedfred said...

the mechanic lost me when he started muttering about the frammis not relating to the rackafratz. I picked up the car, lost the mechanic, kept the delightful new vocabulary.

And the check for the new book is in the mail.

Chantel said...

Oh, the round with the eye creams from the fountain of youth? Count me out for that one.

Damn eternal cantelope juice and all super models.

Sioux said...

And count ME in for the round with the claim on the hair dye box: 100% gray coverage.

jenny_o said...

I'm thinking this would be a hit. Not many people would get past the first round. I know I wouldn't.

bill lisleman said...

Pearl, I think you would drink blinker fluid out of Johnny Depp’s navel given the chance. Myself I don't touch the stuff but slide a can of dirty oil over and I can't resist.

Leenie said...

I just want to watch--especially the third round with the helium-balloon voices. That would certainly make any show a weiner and gar-an-tee Johnny Depp navel sipping for the program writer. Just don't hug and say good-bye too soon. We need you here too.

'Scuse me. I'm off to buy some of that stuff that promises to help me drop ten pounds in the next week.

Cloudia said...

my dear Pearl, you are like an imaginative, very bright child. Every so often I tiptoe by your door to hear what game you are playing. You never fail to amuse!

Weekend Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < } } ( ° >

troutbirder said...

This morning being in a particularly dispirited move I must say I think the liar in the room is the National Rifle Association.
On a positive note thanks for stopping by Troutbirder...:)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Oh no, you mean I shouldn't have given the mechanic my credit card number?

PS Just received The Second Book of Pearl. Can't wait to read it.

xoRobyn

Eva Gallant said...

Sounds like a winner to me!

The Elephant's Child said...

The tiny margharitas (and their glass) have no charm, but the game would assuredly be a winner. Sadly, not by me.

Stephanie said...

I believe everything. Everything. I'll lose, for sure.

Red said...

You lost me on the first clue!!!

Rose L said...

Hmmmmm...Johnny Depp's naval. I would rather put whip cream on him with a cheery on top and work my way through.

Geo. said...

I believe I've been in training for “They Never Saw It Coming” since childhood. But what if Depp has an outie?

Jocelyn said...

This game has caused me to step back and consider my life more objectively and to allow that I might once or twice have been taken...

not the least of which was the time I stood at midnight on Hennepin Ave, having dashed out of The Saloon to catch the last bus home, only to find myself standing the rain, too late. Should I not have listened to the nice man when he came up and said, "Honey, sugar as sweet as you is gonna melt in this rain"?

Tempo said...

Im not good at game shows, I had the chance once but the first question got me... Whats your name? Who knew they'd go straight to the hard ones...

Murr Brewster said...

If you've ever had your reluctors loosened, you don't easily forget it. I would totally go along with the mechanic. I would win, win, win! Unless the object is to not lose all your money. Then, maybe not.

River said...

I'm way too easily fooled and would lose every round, so I'll stay in the audience, thanks.

Jen said...

I love it!
Now for the Asian version.

"I just walked three hours from my village to sell you this crummy wooden handicraft. It's from Papua, really it is, and if you don't buy it, I won't have enough money to get home tonight."

"We have to check all the LPG tanks in this neighborhood. Please, initial this clipboard. Thank you. [That was where they got me.] Now, your LPG tank probably has a dangerous leak that can be fixed if you buy this widget from us. If you'll let us in, we can demonstrate the leak by causing a giant fireball in your kitchen."

"I'm going to need a C-section because [insert overly graphic details]. I have to have the full cost ready beforehand, because if I can't pay, they won't let me leave the hospital until I do."

Surprise! That last one was true.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Gee, this DOES sound like a real "wiener." But alas, I'm a tad too gullible to make it to the fun round with the helium. Would you believe I still have a gadget I bought back in the '60s that's guaranteed to give ya a bigger bosom? Heck, it's probably a real collector's item by now. (Um, it doesn't work...)