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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I'm Only Thinking of My Sister, or Oooh! Look! Mail!


I wrote last night, as I usually do, but what you see before you is a re-post.  Why?  Because what I wrote last night can be found over at La Tejana, where I am a guest writer today!  Shelly is an amusing, endearing woman I am proud to call a friend.  

Be sure to stop by her place!



I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems that all I get in the mail is bills, requests for donations, advertisements, perhaps the odd thank-you card.

Dear Aunt Pearl,

Thank you so much for the $50 for graduation. I'm going to save it to fill my gas tank.

Love,
Grateful Nephew

When I was young, I had a number of pen pals. Remember the pen pal? A stranger you would write to for no good reason, with little hope of ever actually meeting, just for fun?

Of course, we’re all too busy for that now. I mean, who communicates with random strangers in the hopes of making connections? That would just be silly…

Ahem.

There seems to be a dearth of letters nowadays, though; and let me tell you, I just won’t stand for it.

And so, my sister will be the recipient of a card, probably receiving it tomorrow.

It started in 1992. We worked in the same office, a dreadful little place run by two brothers, one of whom was drunk on his own power and the other who was perpetually flatulent. It was an unpleasant, often smelly place.

One day I went to my mail slot, and there it was: A fifty-cents-off coupon for Beano.

For those of you who don’t know what “Beano” is, it’s a pill that you can take prior to eating gas-producing foods, so that you don’t end up like the gas-producing and often room-clearing VP.

The coupon for Beano went between us for several years: in the mail slot, stuffed into coat pockets, slid under the car’s windshield wipers, attached to a pillow.

My sister and I don’t work together anymore, nor do we live together, as we did in those years, but it’s time she saved some money, don’t you think?

I’ve sent her a coupon in the mail with this little quasi-limerick attached to it:

There once was a girl named Karen
Who, when laughing, wet the pants she was wearin’.
But a pair of Depends
Put that all to an ends
And you can hardly tell she’s wearing them, they’re so smooth and comfy.

Caution: Adult diapers. Not to be worn on your head.


None of that is true, of course, but it’s fun to pretend.

Let’s see what she comes back with, shall we?




Now why not stop over at La Tejana, where I was a guest writer today?  :-)

29 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

So you never cashed in on that Beano coupon?

What are you? A glutton for punishment?

Shelly said...

Nothing says, "I love you, Sis," like Beano and Depends.

Pearl said...

Simply, me? Need Beano? No, no, no. It was a joke! A joke I tell you!! :-)

Shelly, :-) She's a pistol, that one.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I never heard of Beano until we bought our first house and I found a tiny bottle of it left behind... a hint?

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It's cheaper than febreeze I believe...just sayin'.

Pearl said...

Green Girl, when I retire from full time work (moments before death is my financially feasible expected date) I shall leave behind a bottle of Beano. :-)

Delores, :-) Always thinkin'! That's my girl!!

Lisa Golden said...

What are sisters for, except to help us hone our humor?

Pearl said...

Lisa, well sure, there's that. But there's her jewelry. And her shoes. :-)

Leenie said...

If I'm around for your funeral---may that be decades from now--I expect to see a bottle of Beeno on your pillow.

Pearl said...

Leenie, I think a lot of people would enjoy that!

Geo. said...

It's hard to convince environmentalists that methane is not reclaimable, but someday we hope to legalize Beano in California.

Joanne Noragon said...

You know, adult diapers might make a sidewalk butt landing a little easier to take.

jenny_o said...

No fools, no fun :) Words to live by!

Jono said...

You're a regular Emily Bronte! My brother and I have a similar relationship. It could be an interesting Christmas with these new gift ideas.

Buttons said...

Beano and Depends makes for a great story. I am sure she is going to love the cool poem. Are you sure none of it is true?:) B

vanilla said...

If you would get letters, you must write letters. Just sayin'. Or so I've been told. (Nobody writes letters anymore. Texting, Pearl, texting.)

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Yes lets see what she comes back with does she do as good as you, you will have to let us know......

Me I am still have pen pals and write letters all the time.

bruce said...

as usual i find it amusing when i come here...

thank you for your keen insight into the world.

damn, this sounds kinda spamish...

ah-hem..starting over..

great post as usual. i love that you worked depends into a limerick... and beano...LOL...

Roshni AaMom said...

You could send an online coupon to all these random strangers you communicate with nowadays! :P

Daisy said...

Well sure! Who doesn't want to save money? Haha!

Crystal Mary said...

As an Ozzie and a straight shooter, I would have given him that coupon, and I would have told him the stink needed to STOP!! How unhealthy his insides must be.. BUT, I wouldn't be able to stop laughing...

And I am a visitor from Shelleys sharing of you.

David Macaulay said...

Interesting Beano is a comic in Britain...

Gigi said...

Oh Miss Pearl, great minds....great minds. Letters have also been on my mind lately. And sidewalks? Well, of course, they are plotting against you! That may explain why our town is putting them in the most random spots of late.

Red said...

Seems to me that we still have pen pals. They're just a little different. we call them bloggers!
Liked your post.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

I don't recall working with anyone in need of Beano, but there were quite as few who could have benefited from a Listerine coupon. Another fun post.

The Elephant's Child said...

Beano (which I don't think we have) and Listerine should be standard in every work place. Depends for the more up-market ones perhaps...
Off to check out your guest post now.

River said...

I've never heard of Beano. I wonder what the Australian equivalent is?
I know someone who could use some...

SherilinR said...

i love a sister who you can accuse of being incontinent and smile in the knowledge that she'll get you.

Pat said...

What David said:)
"Its iconic characters such as Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Minx, The Bash Street Kids, Roger the Dodger, Billy Whizz and Ball Boy, have become known to generations of British children. Earlier generations will remember other notable characters who have been phased out, such as Biffo the Bear, Ivy the Terrible, The Three Bears and Lord Snooty. Some old characters, like Calamity James, and Little Plum, have more recently made a return."