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Saturday, December 8, 2012

If I Had to Pick an Epoch...


You know, I was busy thinking the other day, and I just have to say: If I were to be forced – and I have no easy ideas on how this could happen, but let’s just run with it for the moment – if I were forced to choose another Period in time, I can tell you for sure that I would avoid the Carboniferous.

I would avoid this even over the one with the stampeding mastodons or the one where you’re chased by flying lizards.

Yep. I'll be steering clear of The Carboniferous Period.

Frankly, I don’t think I could take the weather. Humidly wilting, covered in elephant-sized ferns and two-thirds more oxygen present in the air than we have now: There’s gonna be trouble. Ay yi yi but you’re gonna get a rash.

And the millipedes? Up to lengths of ten feet long? My chest would explode.

I found a millipede in the house once. Three o’clock in the morning, I open the medicine chest and a three-inch dinosaur rears up on the last four of his milli legs and salutes.

I ‘bout had an accident.

Arthropods:  I ask you.

So “no”. If pressed, this is where I stand, and I won't be changing my mind.  If I were to be, for some unforeseeable reason, thrown out of the Neogene, I would not like to land in the Carboniferous Period.

No way.

29 comments:

Scarlet Blue said...

Indeed... to land in the Carboniferous Period would not be good as the Arthropods were much, much larger than they are today... PLUS the Carboniferon people never discovered the joy of Tena lady pads.
Sx

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Heat, humidity, over oxygenated...no...I don't think I would like that either.

esbboston said...

Have you seen the Holocene? I would pick the epoch with wooly mammoths. I would ride them. I would have wooly mammoth rodeos. Wooly mammoths as draft animals, puLLing the Budweiser wagon and the Wells Fargo stagecoach. I would domesticate them, and then they would be man's best friend. Imagine aLL the eugenic eXperiments that would be done on the domesticated WM, like the whole wolf to dog thing. Yes, imagine a wooly mammoth the size of a chihuahua.

Ms Sparrow said...

And you know what they say about The Butterfly Effect...you might screw things up royally. You better stay put!

Eva Gallant said...

You are too funny!

Sioux said...

Pearl, who does hot yoga, is afraid of a little humidity?

Frankly, I'm surprised...

Silliyak said...

Sioux has a point. As for the millipede, I'm a lot more tolerant since I watched the Men In Black documentaries.

fishducky said...

We had millipedes in Hawaii. I'm trying to imagine one the size of Cleveland....

Joanne Noragon said...

Me neither.

esbboston said...

Question: Can I order your 2nd book but have it sent to a different address?

Geo. said...

Well-supported opinion. Matter of taste really. I prefer the Carboniferous at barbecues but my wife thinks it's just over-grilling.

vanilla said...

I got here late today, but I was thinking as Geo does, that Carboniferous has to do with men, meat and fire outdoors.

jenny_o said...

I love it when you've been "busy thinking" :)

But, wait a minute, didn't the Neogene Period end a few years ago?

;)

bill lisleman said...

wow talk about not knowing what time it is? I can't keep one epoch straight from the other. Oh to be a lizard and change my name to Larry. I would so much fun hanging out at the lounges.

The Elephant's Child said...

You are always busy thinking. I am with you on the heat and humidity issues, and am not fond of multi-leggers myself. I can't quite cope with the ripply way they move.
Ice age for me every time.

Vicus Scurra said...

If I had my druthers, I don't think I would choose to live in an era where the most advanced society elected Dubya as its leader.

Pat said...


There's millipedes and centipedes and one of them can kill you.
I was staying in a French farmhouse when one or the other scooted down the door lintelat the bottom of my bed. Unable to count the legs I lay quaking in fear all night.
For periods I've always fancied poncing round all bosoms and bustle.
Renoir's period.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! Carboniferous? Good call. Cephalopods became dominant during the Ordovician period, and so I think it might be smart to give that one a miss too. Tricky buggers. Roth x

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Heat, humidity, and humongous millipedes are detriments, but not deal-breakers. The real deal-breaker? No chocolate!

Rose L said...

I had never even heard of the Carboniferous period. You are so worldly and knowledgeable...or maybe I should look to see if this is part of your "imaginary" world.
Nahh, I will believe you.

Antares Cryptos said...

I don't think we could time transport anything bigger than a subatomic particle.

Truly enjoyed this.

River said...

Forget about gigantic millipedes and such, the humidity would do me in. I wouldn't last a week.
But if you can think of a way to drop back and just visit other eras, then come home again, count me in!

bettyl said...

I'm pretty sure I agree.

The Jules said...

The extra oxygen allowed carboniferous arthropods to reach huge sizes, but the real reason they died out was because of the humidity. They were mortally embarrassed by their frizzy hair.

Mitchell is Moving said...

I'm with you... in this epoch. I'm sure I wouldn't pick it either if I weren't already in it, but that's life.

Douglas said...

Sounds like Florida.

Suldog said...

I'm pretty much a live-and-let-live sort of guy when it comes to bugs. I relocate 'em, rather than stomp 'em. But millipedes (and centipedes, for that matter) just freak me the f*** out. I run away like a little girl when I see them.

estetik said...

Wow... really gonna miss your unique perspective and humor. Please consider posting info on how to download the e-version of your novel.
Estetik

Jenny Woolf said...

I agree. And what's more, I just somehow wouldn't like to end up as coal. I don't really know why.