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Sunday, December 23, 2012

All of These People are Harshing my Holiday Buzz


It may be five degrees above zero (-15 Celsius) but that’s not going to stop some of us, apparently, from strapping everything we own to a baby stroller (I’m sure there’s a baby under there somewhere) and coming downtown to do some Christmas shopping.

You may or may not know this, but Minneapolis is connected by skyways. Once you're downtown, it's "Weather? What weather?"

Wandering, comfortably, around the city's second-floor, glass-enclosed tunnels is what we’re all about.

And you know me, right? Why, I’m a fan of the people. Look at them, all bundled up in their spangle-y holiday sweatshirts and practical shoppin’ shoes! Aren’t they adorable?

Today, however, my love of the people is being tested; and while violence is something I leave to the professionals, I am thinking some thoughts you wouldn’t expect of one of mankind’s fans.

Let’s take that woman over there, for example, her and her four friends. Festive, ain’t they, all red and green and jolly? They are also walking abreast, the five of them, a chattering wall of solidly built folk who, having taken the day off work to come downtown and do their shopping, have forgotten that downtown Minneapolis is a thriving, working area of thrive-ily working people.

Ladies! I beg of you! Move to the right! See the people trying to get by, clutching bags of lunch, corporate security cards swinging from their necks? Let us through or face our high-heeled wrath!

I’m just kidding about the wrath. They all look like my Aunt Mare. Who would kick Aunt Mare?

I had lunch Thursday in Macy’s Sky Room. It has a salad bar I have dreams about. (Remind me to more fully explore my lame dream life.) I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have gone up to the 12th floor of Macy’s. I should’ve remembered last year…

Macy’s, in addition to the Salad Bar of Dreams, has their seasonal walk-through display: A Day In The Life Of An Elf. It’s all about the elves, baby: where they work, whether or not they prefer baths over showers, the elf underground nightlife and their struggle to afford customized countertops and cabinets. As you can imagine, this really draws the kids in; and if you’ve forgotten what it’s like to see a child throw themselves on the ground and scream “I hate you!” then you really need to get to Macy’s eighth floor in the next couple weeks.

The little darlings. They’re running up the escalators, running face-first into people's suit-encrusted bellies, sucking their fingers in bewilderment, laughing at the serious-faced people rushing toward elevators…

Ah. There it is.

My love of my fellow man is back.

Carry on.

23 comments:

ellen abbott said...

none for me thanks. I don't even go in stores during December.

vanilla said...

Great people story, but this comment is about language. I had never seen a verb form of "harsh." I shall add that to my lexicon. Definition?

Kathleen McCoy said...

The Macy's Elf display sounds surreal! And the sound of children dropping to the floor with "I hate you!" resonates so well! (I was treated to a similar display the other night during a Face Time visit with my brother while his three-year-old daughter writhed on the floor in front of the fridge because there were no popsicles.)
As much as I love people in theory, the holidays are, indeed, a test. Glad you recaptured that love of humanity, Pearl, and Merry Christmas!

Pat said...

We are shopped up to the eyeballs - all two of us - and are going to resist the temptation to go out yet again, buy more STUFF and mingle with the jolly throngs.
Happy Christmas Pearl dear.

TexWisGirl said...

crowds and malls. no way. no how. :)

jabblog said...

Retirement and online shopping mean that I avoid my fellow man (and woman) apart from the ones I want to see:-)

Happy Christmas, Pearl, and a good 2013!

fishducky said...

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a child screaming "I hate you"!!

Joanne Noragon said...

I shop almost exclusively on line for this time of the year. Maybe you need to remember to treat yourself to Macy's salad bar after the holidays.
And,you have a very nice Christmas!

Jerry said...

On top of that, your Vikings are whooping up on my Texans!

Amber Star said...

Hey Pearl,
I'd forgotten about your Mall of the Americas. I think that is it. Sounds much like our malls, except we don't have anything over two stories high.

Loved your description of children dropping to the floor...I was sure it was going to read "with children barfing on the floor." I don't know why...just thought that was coming.

Sending happy Christmas and New Year's wishes your way.

Red said...

You're on a roll for rants these days! I'm with you on this one. These girls leave room enough for one to get by on the other side.
This happens on the trails here that I use for cycling.

Leenie said...

Wish our part of the world had a giant hamster run in which to shop. We haven't evolved past. Bi-polar, hot-cold, blizzard-parking-lot/mall shopping. So I just stay home and send money.

Let those grandkids find their OWN dang presents. (I just remember I really preferred pictures of dead presidents from my gramma over ugly sweaters any time.)

Crack You Whip said...

I shall check out these "skyways" one day, but probably not during Christmas shopping season...

The Elephant's Child said...

Woo hoo. The Cats flew to Australia in record time, and will now stop me from doing any more of my to-do list. I dived in, read a little and just as expected smiled a face-hurting smile almost immediately. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Daisy said...

I'm so glad my sons are way too old to throw temper tantrums. Also, for me, online shopping is the way to go. :D Merry Christmas, Pearl!

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

I had to venture out to the shops this morning but don't want to go out again. Now as for tantrums from young children I can tell you my eldest throw many of them when she was a child.......lol

jenny_o said...

My "love of my fellow man" takes a huge nose dive when I have to face too many of them. Fortunately (or not, I guess, if you're talking strength of the local economy) our malls aren't all that crowded.

I need to start slowing down and taking notes like you do, Pearl!

Tempo said...

Oh you poor misguided and sick person you... Bah-humbug! Christmas really does suck.
BTW. I seem to have misplaced my blog, if you looked for it and didnt find it...I shall return. If you looked and did find it, please send it on home to me.

Murr Brewster said...

I would never even have thought about acting up when I was a little kid and that is why I had to wait until I was an adult to go completely out of control. If they'd HAD rehab back then, I'd still be in it. Merry Christmas, Pearl!

River said...

Elves?
How can you talk of Elves and not provide photos?
Tsk Tsk.
We need photos.

the walking man said...

Actually sounds like Downtown Detroit (except for the skywalks0 40 years ago when there was a hge Department store to shop at. Now you can get nice Korean ladies to do your nails and nice Black ladies to sell you wigs and corporate big time $2000 suit executives to look down out of their top floor suites and trickle down on the shabbily dressed masses who don't realize there hasn't been a Department Store down there for 40 years.

Ms Sparrow said...

I'm so happy to be reminded of the joys of no longer having to navigate the skyways anymore. I have encountered those groups doing a minesweep of the halls forcing you to dodge into the wall to escape their oblivious rudeness.

sage said...

You do have a lovely city--and even though I have only spent time there in the summer (I'm not counting winter out at the airport)! I appreciated being able to get from hotel to the convention center via those skyways that were high enough that even if kept raining for 40 days, my feet was guaranteed to stay dry.