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Friday, November 16, 2012

You Want My Fries?


I’ve been eating a lot of vegetables lately.

And I’ve stopped lurking about in doorways.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Week Two of the Atkins and Week Three of an Abrupt Cessation of a Slight Smoking Habit.  I’ll be your host on this tour through the state of my head and my unrelenting craving for a little something sweet.

Just a little something!

A summer of skirts does strange things to one’s expectations, tailoring-wise, and it was late September when I found the rediscovery of full-time trousers to be a sobering one.

Seems my pants mighta gotten a little tight. 

Frankly, the seams that made their appearances on my thighs were an insult to thighs everywhere. 

Don’t misunderstand me.  I’ve nothing against seams.  I enjoy a good seam.  But to see them so blatantly stamped into my pale, yielding flesh was – and is – too much.

So I’ve taken a stand. 

For me. 

For us. 

Would you like a salad the size of your torso?  Because I currently have, in my fridge, every vegetable known to man.  You can only imagine how exciting dining with me can be. 

But wait! While one is actively turning away from cinnamon rolls and English muffins and – gulp – baked potatoes and wondering what else one can do with eggplant, why not pile it on and kick that nasty smoking habit? 

Lately, I’m all about the self-denial.

No, I’m not.

Yes, I am.

It’s been just over three weeks since I’ve had a cigarette.  I’ve had opportunity to test my willpower, something I’ve done while drinking and then hanging out of doors, gazing longingly at the group from which I’ve only recently graduated while they inhale and exhale.

Selfish bastages.

And there you have it.  Weeks Two and Three of the New and Improved Pearl:  You can have her dessert and she’ll save your spot while you go have a smoke. 


Have a good weekend, everyone.  Come back tomorrow.

32 comments:

Geo. said...

"No, I’m not.
Yes, I am."

Self-denial elegantly expressed. I believe you've found an irreducible poetic form. Brava!

Mandy_Fish said...

My smoking habit was never slight. It was a beast. I've been running from it for the last five years. And carbs too. Carbs are evil. Especially to seams.

Shelly said...

Good for you! And you'll find that not having to go outdoors with the others to smoke will keep you much warmer in those Minnesota winters.

Pearl said...

Geo, I'm glad you liked that. :-)

Mandy, me and smoking were never tight. But me and pasta? Best friends.

Shelly, true dat, sister!

terlee said...

Almost two years for me not smoking. Mostly I'm okay with it, but some days? Brutal.

Thought I was a goner the first month of Atkins, but it worked, so no complaints--other than wanting bread and pasta and potatoes and cookies and oh please let me have a slice of that lemon meringue pie and--

Sorry. Lost my head for a moment there.

You're doing good. Will power is an awesome force...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I admire your fortitude. Those pants must be something else for you to commit to them like that.

Jazz said...

You poor dear. Let me know how you do with that before I embark on my own plan.

Pearl said...

Terlee, I went on it about 10 years ago and lost 30 pounds. It was wonderful and I quite admired my fully slender self. But it's a slippery slope, once you open that bread bag...

Green Girl, at my age, I can't afford to let things slip. :-)

Jazz, I can really feel a change going on -- and I'll be weighing myself this weekend. The worst part is wanting something sweet after you've eaten. Just a little something!!!!

fmcgmccllc said...

When I was thin and when I was on other diets I would buy the most expensive darkest chocolate I could find, Trader Joe's has a nice one too, and eat one square only if I had the sweets. Worked for me and supposed to be good anti oxident.

Wow that is a run on sentence.

jenny_o said...

What George said!

Good for you. It's hard to change old habits. I find the first week the hardest, and then about the sixth week, when I start to think - just this once ...

Joanne Noragon said...

You can do it. Four years ago I kicked a fifty year old smoking habit. I didn't gain any weight, either, mostly because I engaged in slow, deep breathing but allowed myself one good temper tantrum per week. You can do it, too. Any way that works for you.

Amanda said...

I feel your pain! I think some kind of wicked creature snuck into my closet and took in all the seams on my jeans this winter! So, salads and I are becoming good friends once again. And I'm wearing a patch again because I just can't seem to kick the old cigarettes once and for all.

But, when breathing is easier and pants fit well, it'll all be worth it!

fishducky said...

I overeat. I smoke--way too much. I'm 78 years old. I just had a checkup yesterday & my doctor said I was in great shape. Go figure!!

Red said...

the hardest thing I ever did was quit smoking. Keep at it. It's worth it and you can do it.

Jacquelineand.... said...

I applaud your courage and willpower!

Me? I want to be fishducky when I grow up!

Silliyak said...

I have a friend who loses weight by not drinking....just saying....

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

You are one tough lady. Now, how about giving up coffee and alcohol? Might as well make yourself totally miserable.

bill lisleman said...

I do hope you have kicked the nasty killer of smoking.
Insulting seams - funny.
Lung disease - never funny.

Stephen Hayes said...

Never got into the habit of smoking, but I have a few other questionable habits.

Gigi said...

I was going to say forego the pants and just add tights to the skirts....but that wouldn't be helpful.

So, how's this?

Keep it up, ladybug....cuz I'm looking to you for inspiration on both fronts!

Eva Gallant said...

Wow! You are one brave lady to diet and quit smoking all at once. Stay strong!

Daisy said...

Darn clothes! You hang them in the closet for the summer and the heat shrinks them.

Good for you quitting smoking Pearl. I quit about 20 years ago and have never regretted it. You will live longer and be sweeter smelling!

Daisy's Barbara

Linda O'Connell said...

Aren't you brave to tackle salads and cigs simultanelously! you go girl. My seams are screaming too. If only I'd get up and exercise my right to exercise.

Sioux said...

And without the expense of cigarettes, think of all the money you could spend on chocolate...uh, I mean brussel sprouts.

River said...

Now I remember what I was supposed to buy at the shop. Vegetables!! I bought the milk and the bread and the crabmeat for the quiche...
So glad you're giving up smoking!

Roses said...

Good luck with that honey. I know you'll kick that habit like a fascist kicks a protestor.

Currently, I am puffing away like a train, considering both my waist and my lack of general fitness...

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Pearl, you are an ideal to aim for. An inspiration. A bright light in the gloom of spreading butts, flabby arms and rippling cellulite. We are all deliriously happy for you, wishing you every success, and not-so-secretly jealous of your will power. Win, win, win the battle.
Rosemary

NotesFromAbroad said...

I am SO Proud of you Pearl !!!!
My God, I know ( from others) how hard it is to kick the cigarette habit .. and I know from myself, how hard it is to cut the Carb habit.
I live for carbs. I don't eat meat and I no longer wish to cook, carbs are my friends.
You are an Inspiration to all. All of me, anyway.
Congratulations, you are Brilliant and I bet before long, you will be blogging about how much it costs to buy a new smaller fitting wardrobe .
Besitos and avoid friends who are thin and can eat anything... we hate them.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Go for it, Pearl baby! You can quit smoking, no problemo ! Yes,you can, yes you can, and YES, YOU CAN.
We're proud of you! ":)

Ann Imig said...

Proudayoo, Pearl.

Suldog said...

God bless you. I've been smoking for 41 years now, as best I can do the math. To give 'em up AND try to diet is quite the daily double. Just remember, if the pounds don't drop as quickly as you might expect, cigarettes tend to speed up the metabolism.

NO, I'm not saying have a smoke, you dope! I'm just saying don't get discouraged if you think you should weigh two or three pounds less. It will happen. Be good, but also be patient.

(Listen to me. Still puffing, sucked down half a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread toast this morning. Carry on and pay no attention to the idiot in your comments section.)

Daisy said...

Good luck to you! I'm not a smoker, but I sure hear you on the wanting of "Just a little something" sweet part of self-denial. Carbs are definitely my downfall. Bread, pasta, sweets, I want them all.