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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Why, That Woman Has the Bearing of a Young Bea Arthur


I was asked, the other day, to pick out something I really liked about me.

Where to start?

Is it my outrageous earning capacity? My love of the drunken arm-wrestling champeenships? My ability to appear to be paying attention while I’m really making a mental grocery list for later?

No. It is not.

I, my friend, have some awesome posture.

Yeah. I know, right? I’m like a model citizen over here.

I credit my mother. It’s not like she would whap us with a broom or anything, but “stand up straight!” and “suck that in!” were regular commands as a child.

As she has pointed out, we are not from slouching people.

Many of the things my mother told me over the years have stuck with me (“wash your hands”, “don’t order the fish on a Monday”), which means that I can stand up straight and suck in my gut like nobody’s business.

I’m sorry to say, though, that I think both standing up straight and sucking in one’s gut have gone the way of popping your own corn or darning your socks.

Both of which I’ve been known to do.

There are a lot of slouchers on the bus. And sucking it in? Smacks of work, doesn't it?

It’s funny how often my posture gets attention. I'm serious! Makes me look alert (the world needs more lerts!) and sincere, don’t you think? I can just imagine the conversations that go on around me as I walk down the street…

“That woman over there! Hire her!”
or
“We need someone’s opinion. How about that upright citizen waiting for the bus?”

Sigh.

Have I told you lately how much I enjoy the time I spend in my own head?

It’s so warm and comfy in there.

28 comments:

R. Jacob said...

something about good posture on a woman that makes her...smile stand out more!

R. Jacob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vanilla said...

"Upright citizen." Good one, Pearl. But seriously, good posture is a wonderful thing, and a commodity much too short in supply these days.

Geo. said...

People with good posture impress me, make me feel they expect things to go right. I like them.

Buttons said...

Me too. We were always told the same thing. I am very grateful for that screaming advice especially since that growing taller thing never worked out so at 4'10 I can pull off a respectable 4'11 and 3/4 with that good posture. Yup I would hire a good posture girl. B

Camille said...

Seeing how it's the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I'm guessing everyone is still slouching around recovering from a turkey coma...or whatever. But am I the first to onoxiously toss out there...25 days to Christmas Pearl? Ack! The mere thought of it just snapped me to attention. I also tried to suck it in but apparently, that train seems to have left the station. :-)

Indigo Roth said...

If you stand up straight, doesn't your Crazy stick out?

Hannah Denski said...

Time in your own head is good... as long you get time to get out and write :)

Knowing your 'strengths' - very very important!It's a great foundation to build on. :)x

joeh said...

I was always told "Shoulders back or else you'll be round shouldered!"

Like what is wrong with round shouldered? Round shouldered is what people look like. The kids that looked like they had coat hangers in their shirts were all...um...geeky! Unless you are a lert of course.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Dad always said you could tell a persons character by the way they stood. He said, "never hire a guy who can't stand up straight on his own two feet and has his hands in his pockets all the time." Every once in a while when I'm slouching with my hands in my pockets I hear his voice in my head. Ahhhh...get OUT of there!!!!!!!

Vinny C said...

You could always learn to instinctively slouch whenever someone enters the room. That way people will be less inclined to prematurely pull you out of your happy place.

Amy said...

Oh humble, humane, humorous Pearl! I may not know you personally, but I can tell you have a plethora of fantastic qualities!
Good posture is enviable. I don't come from a family of slouchers, but I happen to be one. I figure if nothing else, it makes me a rebel.

chlost said...

As a remarkably tall person, I tend to slouch in order to have conversations with all of the "littler" folks below me. So I blame my poor posture on the rest of the (shorter) world.

Stephen Hayes said...

It must be very large inside your head for you to be able to stand up so straight in there. Ha!

HermanTurnip said...

"have gone the way of popping your own corn or darning your socks."

Yeah, what's up with people who do this? I say they should keep up with technology. Take us, for example. We just just picked up one of them new washing machines, the type with the wringer rollers attached to the open mouth washer. Comes in handy when pa gets home from the mines.

Cheryl said...

Pearl, when I was in junior high, the winner of the Posture Contest was Barbara Acton. If you hadn't mentioned your own fine posture, that memory would have been left unearthed. Thanks for that little trip down memory lane.

Cloudia said...

LOL
without the bus, you would be scraping for material. 'Course, you still got those crazy cats runnin` yer house. . . .



Have a Sweet Week -
Warm Aloha to YOU
from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral

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Suldog said...

As a sloucher of long standing (but not very good standing) I loosely salute you. I was raised to be a good posture sort of boy, but I'm afraid I have let my family down. I'm sure it had something to do with rock n roll, but I can't pinpoint it. Anyway, I really do admire the sort who can carry themselves with squared shoulders and appear nonchalant while so doing. I always felt as though I were posing, so I just said to hell with it.

Daisy said...

I'd hire you! Well, I would if I had any authority to hire someone, which I don't, unfortunately. :D My Dad was big on us kids standing up straight too.

jenny_o said...

Hey, have I told YOU lately how much I enjoy the time you spend in your own head, after which you share it here?!

Please don't ever stop :)

Al Penwasser said...

I appreciate good posture.
Although, when I tried to stand erect, Sister Estelle threw me out of class.
Stupid loose trousers.

Rose L said...

I can remember my mother telling us to stand straight, always wear clean underwear each day, sit like a lady, do not burp or fart in public, cover your mouth when cough or sneeze, and much more which eludes my memory right now. Mom's always have so much wisdom to pass on.

esbboston said...

Warm and comfy? Is it also wet and has a ringing sensation, because aLL the video footage I've seen, brains are soggyish, and I am awake thanks to my wife's fan making too much noise. I have asked her to buy a new one, but that was only one hour ago and the stores are closed. [I am secretly hiding somewhere else right now]

I was going to write something else [here] but I have forgot what it was going to be. Hope you had a wonderful turkey day and afterwards.

River said...

We're a naturally square shouldered family and mum often reminded us to stand tall, but I was never taught to suck that in. No, sadly, mum was a fan of "the girdle". A good strong girdle. Without one, her tummy would pop like a basketball was shoved under her skirt.

Linda O'Connell said...

My mom used to whap me on the back when i was a teen and say, "Stand straight." Years later an old immimgrant man in the neighborhood said, "You walk like you know what you want." I think that may have been a pay off.

Eva Gallant said...

I can tell....I should have listened to my mother.

Susan Kane said...

I was the shortest one in a family of tall people. Standing straight was the best I could do to project authority. Didn't work.

Inspector Clouseau said...

Posture does get attention. Check out the difference between Robin Meade during the weekday morning on CNN Headline News, and then Susan Hendricks later during the day, or sometimes on the weekend filling in for Natasha Curry. It's dramatic.

Posture is everything!