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Monday, November 12, 2012

More Great Ideas That I Shall Send to HR

I once worked at a place where the corporate bathroom was more like a living room: couches, a little TV, even a little sewing kit for those early-morning seam splittings. Hated the company, loved the bathroom. Sometimes I think I should’ve stayed there.

The bathroom, not the company.

My current corporate bathroom is a no-frills affair. Five toilets, two sinks, a petting zoo.

OK. There’s no petting zoo. But there should be. It would take the edge off the day.

If I ran corporate bathrooms, they’d look different. Sure, I’d keep the toilets. Seems only right. But there’d be other things as well.


  • Free “feminine hygiene” – as opposed to the “masculine hygiene” – products. Not to take home and stock up on, you understand, but for those “what the...” moments.
  • Hairspray. And not that stinky, sticky stuff, either. The shiny stuff.
  • I would like a random person – perhaps a different employee every day, perhaps in exchange for lunch – to come in and hand out compliments, i.e., “that’s a great color on you!” Or “for all that sweating you’re doing, you don’t smell at all!" Special treats will be assigned for those giving out the most original compliments, i.e., “you really kept your composure at the last meeting. I don’t think anyone knew how badly you needed to pee.” or “when that guy in the meeting said the economic downturn was really a “blessing in the skies” I think you did a very good job of keeping a straight face”.
  • How about music, or, at the very least, a recording of a waterfall? How many things are as awkward as a couple of people in the bathroom, each waiting for the other to “go” first? Think it doesn’t happen? Think again, my friend. Women all over the U.S. are wishing that other person would just leave...


Hey. These are really pretty good. I should send them to HR.

They’re all off the top of my head, of course. I have a chart at home -- I could show you! -- but I’m confident that my suggestions will be met with their approval.

I probably shouldn’t spend the bonus they’re sure to award me just yet, though.

44 comments:

Shelly said...

I would also like to add a pedicure station in the restroom, complete with a pedicure stylist who could give you dazzling nails and rub your feet.

As for the feminine hygiene giveaway, I have a story about that and I place I frequent...but I don't think I can put it on the internet...

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

All good ideas. I think it would be a nice touch to have a recording play when you look in the mirror before returning to your desk. Something like, "have you lost weight?".

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

I really do, Pearl, i have to go! Why won't she just leave? Why?

Vicus Scurra said...

Please clarify that you only want compliments when you are in the communal area rather than in the stall. If the latter, will a series of marks out of 10 do, rather than a commentary? It is not something with which I am entirely comfortable.

TexWisGirl said...

blessing in the skies. bwahahaha

Camille said...

Unfortunately, it's been my experience that women can be larcenious little dickens when it comes to 'free' feminine hygiene. As it is, we have to practically chain the toilet paper to the wall where I work so that it doesn't drift away home in an oversized purse. Putting out free feminine products would probably require enhanced security, armed guards and a substantial budget increase.

Amanda said...

I would be happiest with my own personal, private bathroom. Can't we all just have a space where we don't have to worry about the sounds coming out of the next stall or what sounds are coming from ours?

joeh said...

All they need in the men's room is a long trough, a sink and some paper towels...well the paper towels and the sink is really optional...depends if anyone is looking.

Toilet? Men don't poop at work.

Hannah Denski said...

Bravo Pearl, bravo! You sure hit the nail on the head (with all listed above)! Our HR won't listen to you, but female employees will sure agree : ))).

PS: Recording of the waterfall!? Now why hasn't anyone here thought of that yet? I want one! x

Eva Gallant said...

How about a resident hair stylist who could come to your rescue on those bad hair days?

darlin said...

Brilliant I must say, utterly brilliant!

Geo. said...

I like your ideas for improving ladies' rooms, which sound very bright and life-affirming to begin with. Man-bathrooms are dark sinister places.

Sioux said...

How about a machine that spritzes pleasant-smelling stuff, to counteract the odor from the occasional "events" that take place?

Joanne Noragon said...

When a company I worked for built a large factory addition the president inspected the woment's room while it was being built and announced proudly he now had a fourteen holer.

fishducky said...

Eva Gallant said...
How about a resident hair stylist who could come to your rescue on those bad hair days?

YES, PLEASE!!

Mitchell is Moving said...

You're brilliant. I don't know why you're not CEO!

jenny_o said...

Oh, go on, spend that future bonus; they're going to love this list, and implement it in a timely fashion, I'm sure. Heck, they'll likely give you a raise and a day off, too, maybe even name that corporate ladies' room after you!

Fun post, and great comments.

River said...

In our company bathroom, I would just like a supply of toilet paper, paper towel and soap. I can't tell you how many times I've arrived at work to find any or all of them totally lacking. Not a shred of paper anywhere! And just one drop of soap left in the dispenser. Not ONE person in the 200 women who work there has thought to renew the supplies. I'd love a non-sticky floor too! Erk! The cleaners get in there after hours and spray the floor with disinfectant, but often don't even mop it over, much less rinse it.

Stephen Hayes said...

Smart of you to not spend that bonus money...just yet.

purplestarr said...

hmmm I think our bathroom could use a couch. We got the bathroom that came with the building so it isn't much to look at but it has a nice vent under the window that blows the heat/A/C well so when I'm sweating/freezing at my desk I go in there and stare out the window for awhile. That is a pretty nice perk in itself.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Great ideas! I'm sure all the ladies at work would vote to implement them. Funniest thing in a ladies' bathroom ever? Urinals... filled with flowers. No kidding. The main office at Bethlehem Steel had to turn a former men's room into a ladies' room to accommodate the expanding number of female employees. We thought it was hysterical. (I did, anyway.)

Roses said...

When you send that e-mail darling, can you please C.C. my HR?

Thanking you in advance.

Roses
xxx

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

The obvious being that it's the little things that boost morale. Like complementary tampons and kind words.

Brian Miller said...

oo i am digging the random compliment person...nice touch that...um, i share a bathroom with about 1000 high school kids....its pretty nasty...i would take clean any day...smiles.

Linda O'Connell said...

a little air freshener would be appreciated in our cimmunal bathroom, espedcialy since the three young men on staff are in contention to have the cleanest system in the building.

Gigi said...

You have FIVE toilets? Sheesh, we only get three.

If HR does implement your amazing ideas, could you have them send an email to mine telling them how much it improved morale?

Calamity Janet said...

I want my own private powder room connected to my office where I can put all the things I find necessary. You need one too!

chlost said...

My mother used to stand in front of the mirror each morning and tell herself "Marion, you look GLORIUS!" I think she would have loved to be your compliment lady....it does seem better coming from someone else.

Leenie said...

Pearlisms are a blessing in the skies every day.

HermanTurnip said...

My company recently moved into newer digs, but the men's restroom has one (yes, one) toilet. Luckily there's a rarely-used toilet in the basement next to the data center. It's like a little oasis in a sea of troubles.

It's funny how an empty restroom can make one's day...

Lin said...

Have you ever thought of sprucing the place up on your own?? How about adding a little waterfall on the counter? Or a diffuser? That's what I do--I add little niceties here and there and while others may not notice, I do, and it makes me happy.

sage said...

The sound of water sounds nice and might be a way to save the environment or at least a little water as I've heard women go into a bathroom and turn on the water at the sink before going to the toilet and leaving the sink run, supposedly so those of us on the outside want hear, I assume.

Jimmy said...

I agree with you, I also think you should not get ahead of yourself by spending the bonus too soon, something about counting chickens before they are hatched, and speaking of chickens after they hatch you could add them to the petting zoo.

I really enjoyed having you stop over and commenting on my blog today, hope to see you again soon.

Emily said...

Genius! I'd retire at a company that valued employees....and bathrooms :)

Sabrina said...

Music in the bathroom! That's a friggin' brilliant idea! I'm reluctant to do the #2 in a public bathroom because of the embarrassing sounds I might produce!

...This is SO not something I should post on the internet...

The Elephant's Child said...

Nice toilet paper. Not the stuff that scratches and scrapes intimate bits which you then have to worry are going to bleed. And soap. The sort that doesn't take the skin off your hands.
Can you tell that the places I worked put these facilities (which are not called bathrooms over here), very low on their priorities list.

Tempo said...

Go ahead and spend that bonus Pearl, youre sure to get heaps more with ideas like this..

George Turnbull said...

I remember once ... I was sitting on the 'throne' in the purely functional toilets at my then place of work at the time, contemplating the wonderful bendyness of my elbow (amongst other things) ... when a female voice queried the presence of any member of male staff in the cubicles.

"Only me" I answered.

"Won't be long! It's a woman thing. Got to change a plug."

There was some rustling and bumping then a door slammed as she exited the loo's.

I was young and pretty naive at the time ... but I eventually found out what was meant by a 'plug'!

Sorry! What was it I was replying to?

NotesFromAbroad said...

Good music is very important ..
I for one, though, do not like having a person working in the bathroom .. I would like it better if they silently slipped in between visitors and did whatever it is they need to do then silently disappeared.
Call me weird but I hate it if someone talks to me in the bathroom. It just isn't conducive to a little chat with a stranger, among strangers to the background noises of .. well, you know.
Actually, I like private toilets, the sort with one toilet and no one at the sink waiting ..
I think I have issues....

the walking man said...

Ask your ex intern trainee to lend you her key to the real executive washroom (they don't call them bathrooms once you rise above middle management) you might be surprised to find all of your ideas have already been stolen and implemented.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Love your HR suggestion list, Pearl! Re free feminine hygiene products, this brought back memories of my brief associations with two of the corporate giants -- Johnson and Johnson and Procter and Gamble (Always).
In the ladies room at J&J headquarters, there were abundant supplies of the company's feminine hygiene products. (I noticed this when I was contracted to write the booklets for the products' "Starter Kit" for young girls.) At P&G (where I had a one year contract as spokesperson for their "Always Slender" line for young teens), there was nada....and, in fact, I heard about some unfortunate young woman getting fired because she took a pad from a sample of the product sitting on her desk during one of those "What the...." moments. Showed a real difference between the two companies in their generoisity/lack of generosity in making their own products available to employees in need!

Suldog said...

There should be mouthwash. And somebody standing near it to clue in those who really, really, really need it.

Daisy said...

A waterfall, yes! Brilliant idea! I love it. I vote Pearl for President. :-)

Roshni AaMom said...

“blessing in the skies” ahahahhaha!!!