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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Part Four: Another Drink Whilst The Cat Continues Her Story?

Mmmm?  What do you mean mmmm?”

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, current holder of the record in the Standing Mouse Jump (212) and former high school wrestling captain, smiles around the cocktail straw in her gin and tonic.

“Fuzzy has repented.”

She looks up, looks toward the bar where she locks eyes with the bartender as she raises her glass.  “And I helped him.”

“You,” I say.  “You helped Fuzzy.  Fuzzy, the cat who broke up with you after getting you drunk first?  The cat who went to jail for Unlawful Impersonation of a Cougar?  The cat who stole cash from you when he only pretended to cover your debt with Pork Muscle?”

Pork Muscle J. Hamfat, local kitty thug, owner/operator of a number of curbside catnip distribution rings and concert promoter, had borrowed Liza Bean $400 in the days following the break-up of her and Fuzzy, an accounting of which will be available in the upcoming “The Second Book of Pearl:  The Cats”.

She shrugs, an endearing gesture.  I reach over and impulsively scratch her behind an ear.

She shakes me off, laughing.  “Really, Pearl,” she says, squirming.  “Public.”

I grin, suck loudly on my drink, twist in the booth.  Where’s that waitress?

Ah.  There she is.

Secure in the knowledge that my having winked and held up an empty glass will result in a fresh round, I turn my attention back to the cat.

“Thanksgiving,” I demand.  “Tell me.  Tell me now.”

She laughs, the sound of bells over water.  “He came as a guest of a guest. “  She pauses.  “You remember Pupples, don’t you?”

I do.  Pupples, jittering, high-energy toady of Pork Muscle, is one of those friends of Liza’s that fits into the scheme of things through his apparent inability to fit, even in one’s imagination, anywhere else. 

I nod.

“Well,” she says, “Pupples brought him along.”

“But why?  That’s what I want to know.”  I nod at Nikki, the waitress, as she sets down two more gin and tonics (extra limes) and two menus.

Liza Bean Bitey smiles up at her.  “Good idea.”  Liza flips her menu open.  “Nikki, honey, we’ll have an order of the tater tots, an order of the cheese curds, the fried asparagus, and the brown sugar babies.”  She closes the menu, hands them both back to the waitress, who dashes toward the kitchen.



Seriously.  I swear I'm wrapping this up tomorrow...  

26 comments:

Shelly said...

I think we've got the makings of the third book of Pearl~

haphazardlife said...

I love this story. I await each installment with bated breath.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Ohhh...is Liza Bean going to pay the price again for trusting the Fuzzman? Is she going to elope with Pupples? Stay tuned for the continuing stoooory... gosh Pearl you're killing me here.

Pearl said...

I know! I'm so sorry! Once I put myself there in those little ol' naugahyde booths, sip a G&T or two, I feel obligated to bring you with me. And do weird things like link to the Psycho Suzi menu. :-)

bill lisleman said...

So Liza Bean Bitey is athletic? I thought she was just a gin drinking poetic lush (which is fine).

Pearl said...

bill, the skills of the Bean are many. :-)

Stephen Hayes said...

Gotta love Liza Bean Bitey.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

''Pork Muscle J. Hamfat, local kitty thug, owner/operator of a number of curbside catnip distribution rings and concert promoter, had borrowed Liza Bean $400..."
Oh, and I'm weird? I am? ;)
Cannot wait for the next book!

Pearl said...

Stephen, she's a delightful little scamp.

Dawn, what?! :-) Pork Muscle J. Hamfat is a legitimate business man!

fishducky said...

You don't have to end it tomorrow! Run it as long as you want--I LOVE IT!!

jenny_o said...

Pearl, you are having entirely too much fun!

But so are we :)

Pearl said...

fishducky and jenny-0, some things just write themselves. :-)

Douglas said...

I just want to know... that "standing mouse jump"... Did she jump over 212 mice or did she jump on 212 mice?

SparkleFarkel said...

God, all I want for Christmas is to be able to run with the Liza Bean Bitey crowd. Either that or an order of Backfire Dip served bubbling hot with toasted baguette!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

I'm with Liza on the tater tots, cheese curds, even the asparagus. But, what are brown sugar babies? Still amazes me that you frequent restaurants and bars with the cat!!!! Hilarious.
Rosemary

Eva Gallant said...

I worry that Liza Bean is leading you astray! All those gin and tonics!

Gigi said...

Another cliff hanger?! You are killing me here!

(No, not really. But it's kind of like being hooked on soap operas...it's that "what's next" feeling)

vanilla said...

No hurry; file as many instalments as you wish. U cab sip my cranapple juice so long as the tale continues!

vanilla said...

"U cab," "I can." Whatever.

HermanTurnip said...

Don't you dare wrap this up. It's these posts that have been getting me through this hectic work week!

Linda Sue said...

SOOOO loving this!!! AND the gin and tonic...Never let this end!

The Elephant's Child said...

You and Liza are my heroes. You can keep posting her story for as long as they roll off your fingers and onto the screen. I won't be alone in greeting them with glee.

River said...

Like the others have said, you don't need to wrap this up any time soon, as long as tomorrow's episode contains details of exactly what a brown sugar baby is.

Suldog said...

You don't have to wrap it up anytime soon on my account. I'm enjoying every word.

Hannah Denski said...

It's a Soap Opera! Love it! x

Rose L said...

No one can accuse you of a lack of imagination. ;^)