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Saturday, October 13, 2012

And Now for the Sports

A re-worked post from July of last year.  The weather was ridiculously hot, the kitties were lying in fuzzy little pools of overheated aminal, and I shared a bed.  Enjoy.

It’s been a problem for me for years, but I’ve discovered a cure for my insomnia.

It’s Willie’s conversational skills.

He’s a lovely man, don’t misunderstand, but if he doesn’t stop talking about the weather soon, I’m going to stuff his ears with ricotta.

It’s in the fridge. We work with what’s on hand.

Weather, as many of you know, is a staple of conversation through the middle part of the U.S. Minnesota in particular provides a number of interesting weather treats to ponder, including a yearly temperature variance of well over 120 degrees; whirling, sucking wind vortexes; and blinding snowstorms that once drove hearty ancestors to affix rope from the house to the out-buildings and stuff unwary travelers into the slaughtered bellies of oxen for warmth.

And so, while grateful that Willie has a “weather eye” out at all times, what it does to everyday conversations leaves one falling limply off the furniture, eyelids fluttering.

“I see here where the temperature, with the heat index, is going to be around 105 degrees tomorrow.”

“Is that right, Pa?”

He hates when I call him Pa.

“Say, you didn’t happen to catch the rainfall totals for last week, did you?”

“No, sorry. I was totally disinterested and opted to alphabetize the pantry instead.”

“Did you really?”


Things could be worse, a fact of which I know firsthand.   I’ve had boyfriends who stole my eyeliner, for cryin’ out loud.

Then again, once they learned not to do that we then had two eyeliners in the house…

“Pearl, it’s gonna rain! Grab your umbrella!”

“Willie, there’s not a cloud in the sky.”

“Yeah, but I got a feeling about this one.”

Unfortunately, Willie’s weather feelings are a poor bet. Outside of “probably going to snow tomorrow”, said in the middle of January or “Gonna be windy tomorrow!” in the spring, he’s just making it up.

It’s a cure for insomnia, isn’t it, this incessant weather blather. A carefully interjected “You don’t say” or “That seems different than last season, doesn’t it?” is all he asks for and all I need to ensure ten minutes of conjecture regarding caterpillar stripes and their warnings on the dreadful winter to come.

Frankly, they’re all dreadful.

Still, he gets to talk about the weather with only the mildest of interjections and ribbing on my part, and I get to fall asleep to muted dreams of snowbound cabins and roaring fireplaces.

Another problem solved.


vanilla said...

Breezy, with chance of showers.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

At least he's not boring the ears off you head with sports data. I keep telling the man all I hear is "sports..blub..blub..blub.."

joeh said...

I think he is correct, I expect this winter to be cold...with a chance of snow.

If it wasn't for weather the world would be full of awkward pauses.

I love your posts!

Eva Gallant said...

I agree with Joeh on all points!

R. Jacob said...

I think the caterpillar stripes count with the moss on the side of the groundhog tree or something...
I read it on the internet!

your comment speaks volumes

jenny_o said...

I have learned to talk about the weather not because I want to but because it puts other people at ease. Myself, I figure you get what you get when you walk out the door, and no amount of predicting, theorizing, discussing, hoping or complaining will change it!

And, like joeh and Eva, I love your posts too. So many gold nuggets of funny - the ricotta, the eyeliner, the fluttering eyelids :)

esbboston said...

Yes, but how do you feel about The Whether?

(If you are confused then I have achieved my goal.)

Stephen Hayes said...

He's providing for free what most people turn to drugs (sleeping pills) for.

Ms Sparrow said...

I forget, is it the wooly bears or the wooly mammoths that predict the kind of winter?

Pat said...

I wouldn't mind the projected weather forecasts so much if they ever once were good news. They don't seem to qualify.

klahanie said...

Hi Pearl,

Have you missed me? Thought so. Yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, who has somehow been promoted to superstar status :)

Weather or not, sorry, whether or not, he talks about the weather, I have another cure for insomnia. Yes, reading my comment can put you to sleep.

Pawsitive wishes, Penny :)

Linda O'Connell said...

Tell willie to just wait until winter rolls into town.

River said...

I think it was lovely of Willie to help you get to sleep each and every night. If you'd taped a few of those conversations you could say goodbye to insomnia forever.
I see a marketing opportunity...

sage said...

Ricotta might be better placed in your ears... a sock in his mouth would be a better solution. Those would be in the top drawer; no wait, they are on the floor and in the hamper and stuck to the wall of the washer...

Rose L said...

I never watch the weather as I like to be surprised each day!

Roshni AaMom said...

So much to comment on, including eyeliner and caterpillar stripes!!