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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Waitress? A Vat of Boiling Oil for the Man at the Next Table, Please?


The man at the next table has something to say.

And he’s been saying it loudly and in clear, decisive tones for a good 20 minutes now.

Judging from the looks on the faces around him, it may have been something they were expecting.

Ears assaulted, my eyes wander over the top of my margarita again and again to this table of 12. After-work Happy Hour? Club meeting? Family reunion? They are all wearing Hawaiian shirts, nautically themed shirts, and in the case of one woman, Capris-style shorts patterned with tropical birds…

Red-faced and in lecture mode, the man in question is keen to express his political beliefs.

His table-mates have gone silent and grim.

Giving up, I pull my book out of my purse, begin writing.

“What you people don’t understand…“ 
“What no one knows is…”

The woman to his left ducks her head, closes her eyes as he continues. He slaughters the names of the politicians he is talking about, twists them contemptuously.

He scolds the people at the table for their lack of political savvy.

“What you don’t seem to realize…”

The woman to his right turns away from him. She is Midwestern-ly polite about it, but the body language is clear: I don’t hear you.

The man across from him attempts to break in. “Hold on there a minute, Jim,” he says. “I don’t think there’s any reason to –“

Jim cuts him off. “See, this is where you just don’t understand.” He chuckles indulgently. “You’re being lied to by the people who are controlling what you hear.”

The woman on his right rises, leaves the table.

The woman on his left beckons to the waitress: check, please.

The red-faced man doesn’t notice.

I finish the last of my margarita.

Man, I think. Some people just don’t know how to party.

25 comments:

NotesFromAbroad said...

Amen sweetheart !
Every day, when I read "things" online, I thank god that I cannot understand what people are saying around me .. even if they aren't talking about US politics. It just leaves a person with a clear head, know what I mean?
I see how ugly things have gotten in Other places where Elections will be held, it is sad. Very sad.

besos, and let's have another margarita !

Daisy said...

"Margarita" is a good companion at times like this!! ;-)

Paula Wooters said...

Sadly, I don't think the vat of boiling oil is going to stop his tirade. I'd say cut your losses and order a vat of margaritas.

Mitchell is Moving said...

I had a friend years ago who married a man like that. She was constantly trying to reign him in and make him less obnoxious. They of course had marital problems. One day, he was going at her in a restaurant explaining all the things she didn't understand, etc. She ordered a pot of tea. It arrived. She patiently waited for it to steep. When it was done, she stood, lifted the teapot, and poured the contents in her soon-to-be ex-husband's lap. The manager ran over and said, "Madam, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She smiled and sweetly replied, "Oh, that's fine. I just finished my tea."

terlee said...

There's always one in every crowd...

vanilla said...

But to the speaker it was a party. Unfortunately, no one else "understands."

"It takes all kinds," we are told. But why?

TexWisGirl said...

once again, you made me laugh.

joeh said...

I know if I don't agree with someone, I need to know what it is that I don't understand and if he speaks really loudly their point is much easier to understand.

Pat Tillett said...

Very funny take on an A-hole of man that we all either know, or knew at some point in our life.

jenny_o said...

If it was a work group, it's not surprising that no one left earlier.

And, sadly, if it was a family group, it's not surprising either.

But, by gum, if it was a club meeting, I'd take my tropical bird shorts and get the heck out of there!

fishducky said...

There was a man who used to sit in the hot tub of our condo (where sound reverberated) & loudly pontificate on the opposite side of any opinion you might offer. We stopped going to the pool when Bob was in the area!

That gentleman's lady said...

margaritas? my favourite! you would have needed at least four to deal with a man like that.

Geo. said...

There has lately been a rise in small masochistic cults, dressed miserably as tiki enthusiasts, who hire bloviators as entertainers. I suspect that is what you encountered.

Eva Gallant said...

Parties and Politics don't usually mix well!

The Jules said...

Politics at the dinner table? How uncivilised.

One should stick to more palatable subjects like diarrhoea or the best scab one has ever picked from one's knee.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I know someone like that. I don't know how they do it, but they manage to hold court in a way that nobody leaves. All the backtalk is done away from the person, so it's behind-the-back talk, which is useless.

Gigi said...

Obviously this man was brought up with no manners. I despise people like that.

Leenie said...

Stewing himself in his own vitriol.

Al Penwasser said...

Sadly, it's only going to get worse until November. That's why I'll avoid going out for a couple months.
It really is very tiresome.
Margarita sounds good, though.

The Elephant's Child said...

And have you noticed how LOUD such people are. Sigh. Hiss and spit.

esbboston said...

I used to work with someone where aLL my s'ggestions and minor inventions were at least 78% wrong.

Linda O'Connell said...

He has to shout to be heard, but no one understands. My friend is married to a guy like this. Thank goodness she has alzheimers.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Politics: Everyone thinks they're right. No one will change their mind. Why bother trying? Shut up and drink your margarita, Jim.

Roshni AaMom said...

ugh! You can only hope you'll never meet one of those!!

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

OMG, Pearl! Have you been hanging out in some dive here in southern Arizona?? I've seen and heard this guy and many like him around here and it just makes me want to go into serious hibernation until after the election.