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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Maybe I'll Just Lay Down for a Little Bit, or That's Not a Cat at the Wheel of that Car, is it?


A re-post, while I work on other pieces...

Goldie Spawn, a goldfish of what can only be assumed to be of a pot-bellied variety, is floating, as she usually does, upside down.

There she is, in the corner there, flat on her spine, a mere mouthful of a fish with the power to make me stop and peer anxiously into the tank.

“Whoops,” I think. “Looks like ol’ Goldie finally –”

And then the little bugger blinks, flips over, and swims coyly to the bottom of the tank, where she no doubt has a good laugh with her little goldfish buddies, Gill Meloche, Lady G’Agua, Cuddy, and, of course, Blanket.

I stop and stare at her at least once a day.

Dammit.

You’d think I’d get used to it, like I do so with so many of the other petty annoyances of this modern life. Whereas my foremothers lugged pails of water up hills and carved homes out of prairie sod with nary a moment for such foolishness as trying to get inside a goldfish’s head, I am confronted with murder mysteries and the tortured musings of transitory plecostomii.

I’m tired.

“Well for heaven’s sake,” says Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys), sipping a gin and tonic, “you can’t possibly compare now and then, can you?”

I shake my head, briefly, wonder if that’s my gin the cat is drinking.

“You work enough,” she purrs from the easy chair, a delicately curved claw moving iridescently melting ice cubes. “Why don’t you go lay down?”

I snort. “Not likely,” I say. “Last time we made that arrangement I woke up to a kitchen full of cats with their paws in the butter.”

Liza Bean’s emerald eyes narrow with pleasure. “Yessssss,” she smiles.

I shake my head again, squint into the tank. Goldie is back up in the corner, on her back as usual, her showy fins moving gently.

“Maybe I will lay down for a bit,” I say, lying back on the couch and closing my eyes. “No visitors, though, okay? For me?”

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) sets her drink down, jumps onto my chest. “You wouldn’t mind if I took the car for a bit, would you?” she hums.

I open my eyes. She’s already holding my car keys.

“Just for a bit,” I say.

“Of course,” she says.

23 comments:

Shelly said...

A fish who spends her life on her back and a cat who hypnotizes with car keys...hhhh. I'm thinking it could get a little dangerous around your animal family, Pearlie-

Michele Eigler said...

I had no idea fish could play possum.

Pearl said...

Shelly, I just never seem to meet anyone or anything that is normal. :-)

Michele, oh, they do. The little buggers certainly do!

joeh said...

ichael Jackson's kid was named after a fish?

bill lisleman said...

Goldie was just doing a little outside-the-tank thinking. Doesn't hurt to try new perspectives once in awhile. Then and now - it's an age related symptom.

R. Jacob said...

I was going to say I am normal and thought better of it...

Pearl said...

joeh, yes. Yes, he was. :-)

bill, I like where you're going with that one. Perhaps she has aspirations beyond the tank...

R. Jacob, what, and take that joy away from the rest of us? :-) You're normal, I'm normal, we're all normal around here!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

A day in the world of Pearl....decoy dead fish and car driving cats with alcohol in their blood.

Pearl said...

Delores, the way the wind was whipping around last night, at one point I imagined schools of fish in the trees. :-)

Stephen Hayes said...

I had a goldfish that was suicidal and kept jumping out of the bowl. I finally placed a screen over the opening but one day it fell off and Goldie made her leap to freedom. I found her all dried up on the floor. But she appeared to be smiling.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

To their delight you are just a pawn in the hands of Goldie and Liza Bean. As you sleep, they plan....

esbboston said...

Um, you know, ...well..., um, this doesn't say much about your level of inteLLigence if you can be fooled by a fish more than once, especiaLLy a smaLL fish. If it would've been something bigger like a whale shark or a dolphin, then I would have been okay, especiaLLy a smart fish like a dolphin. (hahhahahahhahhhaaahha, I know a dolphin isn't a fish - oh, hold it, did you already know that?)


[wink giggle]

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! Good grief, the fish is possuming? Look behind you. I'd be more concerned about what this decoy is being paid to distract you away from. Hmmm. Indigo x

fishducky said...

I don't mind that your cats are smarter than my kids, but your GOLDFISH??

jenny_o said...

Love all the fishy names :)

Also the term "foremothers" :)

HermanTurnip said...

Methinks that fish is up to no good...

Roshni AaMom said...

and, she ate the fish as a snack before she left, didn't she?!!

Rose L said...

A fish that plays possum....a bit unusual. I can believe the talking cat (they all do...don't they??) but going for drives??? Now really.
My cat says she would not be caught dead driving herself. She prefers a chauffeur.

Pat said...

We had two goldfish - Hari and Kari and most nights they would jump out of their tank and in the morning we would replace them from whence thay had jumped till one morning the end came.

River said...

I'm not at all sure Liza Bean Bitey should be allowed to take the car. After all, she has been drinking your gin.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Judging by your conversations with cats, seems to me YOU'RE the one drinking your gin, Pearlie. ;)

The Elephant's Child said...

It was so considerate of Liza Bean Bitey to ask and give you the illusion of power. We all know that you couldn't stop her...

Eva Gallant said...

I am a little concerned about Liza Bean Bitey driving after a gin and tonic.....