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Sunday, August 5, 2012

They're CHARACTER Lines, Dagnabit!


I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when the subject of the state of our bodies came up.

Having known each other since shortly after high school, we had a lot of ground to cover.

Much of it was freckled.

My friend confides that the picture of her in a bikini in her early 20s and doing the dishes maintains all the lithe detail you’d ever want in photographic proof of hotness and remains a source of pride and inspiration.

Plus it’s evidence that she has, indeed, done the dishes at least once.

Me, I am pleased to report that my ankles continue to be identifiable as separate from my calves and that I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

And that concludes the uplifting news.

The truth is that it appears that the very things we noticed in older women, as younger women, have reared up to bite us on our unthinking and uncharitable asses.

Me? No, I’ve never been thoughtlessly cruel. Unless you count my teen-aged snickering of a rather mountainous woman on a beach in Florida. My sister and I sat on our smug little beach towels and spoke in nasty asides of balloons stuffed with grapes, of large and quaking puddings. I am confident that the woman in question didn’t hear us, asleep and with headphones on as she was; but decades later, as I contemplate the state of my thighs, I can only be glad that we didn’t mock a bald woman.

What were we thinking? Or was it a matter of not thinking? For surely no one ever got toward the head of the age line and said, “I’d like to develop jowls, please. Ooh, and if I could get the weird tiny veins at the back of my knees that would be lovely as well.”

The summer season, in all its flesh-baring and short-lived ways, is a reminder, isn’t it?

Wear that bikini while you can. Autumn is coming.

41 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

I am currently at NE Hampshire police hq. Last time i follow your advice.

joeh said...

Yeah, I just try and avoid mirrors.

Fact many women may not know...If you were once young and hot when a man knew you...you are forever young and hot in his eyes.

cranky old man

Paula Wooters said...

The little kids I work with keep pointing at my varicose veins and saying, "Boo-boo!" So sad!

Sioux said...

And after autumn, is the winter of our discontent...

Yes, I never thought I would get to the point where I could tuck my breasts into the waistband of my pants--another way to change up my ensemble--and yet, here I am...

esbboston said...

Yes, but can you do dishes? That's what I look for in a woman, the deep down desire to polish a plate (P adverb goes here). ActuaLLy as stated before I like doing dishes. I wonder how often this shows up on e-harmony?

By the way, I saw on the local news an article about a farmer's market, and I thought I should show up with my single home grown pineapple next time or better yet, take it to the state fair! Then I realized they (2) wiLL be ripening probably around Christmas time, so I might be the only person at the farmer's market.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! At high school, I was the proverbial streak of piss. Now, I'm thicker and more solid. And you know what that makes me. Open a window, will ya? Roth x

Douglas said...

Sadly, I never looked good in a bikini.

jenny_o said...

We rarely know just how much we had until we don't have it any more. Applies to love, health, and cellulite-free thighs.

The comments are cracking me up. Except joeh's - that is simply sweet - and goes both ways, joeh.

myinnerchick.com said...

Haaa.

As Nora Ephron said "Put a bikini on when you're 25 and don't take it off until you're 35!"

Joanne Noragon said...

Compensate with really nice sundresses, then move on to well tailored jeans. Ask What would Stacey London wear?

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It never dawned on me when I was young, slim, healthy and human in appearance that one day I would be old, fat, unhealthy and unsure of what it is exactly that I resemble. Still, it beats the alternative lol.

Daisy said...

I've been sagging since "things" popped, and age hasn't been "uplifting". This has given me lots of time and practice to learn to love what is, and hope that if there is re-incarnation I come back with perky little boobs and a bikini suitable bod... and find a sweetheart like Joeh! You are such a mentsh!

vanilla said...

And when Autumn comes, can Winter be far behind? No, no; we aren't talking about behinds.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Liver spots!

Carrie Lynne said...

skin tags

Hannah Denski said...

Now I understand why I always got on with the older generations! I have a skin condition that sags since I was 21... and basically ages faster then normal... :D x

R. Jacob said...

if we think you are cute, no amount of head shaking will convince us otherwise! and that includes being naked!

Eva Gallant said...

A bit of advice which arrives about 50 years too late for me!

Murr Brewster said...

It's true. We actually looked at those old women and thought they must have chosen those jowls and those thighs and those breasts like paired halibut, because OTHERWISE, why would they have them? WE didn't have them. We had taste.

Belle said...

I do love autumn - a pretty coat covers all the bad stuff.

Perpetua said...

Ouch, a bit too close to home there, Pearl. My bikini days are so far in the past you'd need an expedition to find them. Sigh....

Jayne Martin said...

It never occurred to me that I would one day morph into one of "them." I thought they just came out of the womb like that. Alas, I've become one of those people who say "Youth is wasted on the young."

Symdaddy said...

You know ... I really think this post is incomplete without pictures.

Don't worry about me. I'm an ex-soldier and I've seen a few awful things in my time.

Roxie said...

Joeh, I love you!

Linda O'Connell said...

As Elizabeth Berg wrote, "When I look in the mirror at my fifty year old naked body, it looks as if I'm wearing saggy thigh high socks." Yep! That's why I wear a skirt over my swimsuit, even though I do sometimes get all tangled up in it.

Elsie said...

I would simply like to say thank you to joeh for the reminder!!

ThreeOldKeys said...

Can "orthotics" and "sexy" be used in the same sentence?

HermanTurnip said...

As long as you steer clear of "mommy pants" I think you'll be okay ;-)

Stephen Hayes said...

I agree with Joe. Once hot always hot. Congratulations on still fitting into those earrings.

Mom of A and a said...

As long as you steer clear of "granny panties" I think you'll be okay ;-)

Linda Sue said...

Some old fat lady with thinning hair and many chins hy-jacked the body that I have been riding around in- It happened overnight pretty much! I think that she is here to stay so I guess I will be nice to her. She just kicks my butt every day! Now she is attacking my tendons and making them swell and there is a bloody long whisker coming right out of my BOOB! I swear- her sense of humour sucks! What to do?!?

The Elephant's Child said...

As a young thing I was very far from satisfied with my body. As a woman of a certain age I would like to kick myself for not appreciated what has assuredly left me.
And I loved 'I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school'. Thank you.

comedyincrisis said...

I've rehung all the mirrors at 6ft. Nobody needs mirrors anymore :)

Roses said...

Happily, I also still fit into the earrings I wore at high school...though I wouldn't wear them again...hideous 80s tat.

Unhappily, gravity and an intense dislike for exercise and a love of food means that I attempt to 'dress well' as my mother always advised 'women of a certain age'.

She gave good advice when it came to fashion.

River said...

@joeh; "if you were once..." thank you.
I gave up bikinis many moons ago. These days it would have to be neck-to-ankle swimsuits, to cover stretch marks and varicose veins. Funny thing though, I still FEEL as I did at 17.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Autumn beats the hell out of winter. :)

CarrieBoo said...

There's a reason I love autumn!

Amy said...

I used to make fun of older women who had a lot of facial hair, and now I am finding it is not so funny! Maybe I should move to a culture where being covered at all times is encouraged, face and all.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, no matter how old you get, you'll always be hot. You're HOT. Better a hot, saucy and clever, fine mind in a naturally aging body than a plastic,pretty face dull as a sack of hammers, devoid of common sense, love of live, and totally lacking intelligence and character. ":)

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, no matter how old you get, you'll always be hot. You're HOT. Better a hot, saucy and clever, fine mind in a naturally aging body than a plastic,pretty face dull as a sack of hammers, devoid of common sense, love of live, and totally lacking intelligence and character. ":)

Susan in the Boonies said...

Autumn IS coming. And it's sooner than anyone thinks.