“Good morning, Acme Grommets and Gravel.”
It’s Mary, red-headed sprite and first-tier rabble rouser.
“Herro,” I say.
“I’d like to order both a grommet and a gravel, please.” She chuckles pleasantly.
“That never gets old for you, does it?”
“No,” she says.
We grin at each over the phone. Both firmly of the opinion that all weeks should have a goofy start, we get right to business.
“So what’s up, Stinky?”
I’m pretty sure Mary likes it when I call her “Stinky”.
Mary laughs quietly, as she’s under contract to do. “I just called to say “You’re Number Two! You’re Number Two!”
Oooh. Maybe she doesn’t like it when I call her “Stinky”.
“Hey! We don’t talk like that!”
We laugh. Oh, we think we’re so funny.
“Seriously – or,” and here I clench my jaw and speak through unmoving lips, “as the kids say SRSLY, one, what does that mean, and two, how do I get you to stop saying it?”
“Well,” she says, “You have to be Number Two because Jon’s Number One.”
“Mary, did you just figure out speed dial?”
Mary, a woman for whom the Internet travels “through trees”, a woman who received a digital camera as a gift last December, a high-tech gadget she vows to learn and use someday, chuckles. “What else could I mean?”
“I thought maybe you were making some sort of not-so-veiled comment on how little we’ve seen each other recently.”
“We cleaned a condo together Friday,” she reminds me.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, grinning.
“Pffft,” Mary says. “I make you Number Two and it’s not enough for you, is it?”
“I won’t rest until I’m Number One.”
Mary laughs. “Good luck with that,” she says. “Jon keeps me warm in the winter.”
She’s got a point there. I concede with a chant that garners me strange looks from cube-mate and nemesis, Female Intern: “I’m Number Two! I’m Number Two!”
Mondays: They’re what you make of them.