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Friday, July 27, 2012

The Lady at the Bus Stop Has Her Demands


Should we run into each other today – and stranger things have happened! – you may notice that the tip of the thumbnail on my right hand is black.

Or, you may just notice my sparkling eyes. I have that effect on people.

Then again, odds are just as good that you’ll notice the blackened end of my right thumb, because once again, in an effort to clean up Our Fair City, I’ve soiled myself.

Or something to that effect.

You see, I hate graffiti. Do what you like with your own stuff, but leave my bus stop alone.

That’s right. I said “my bus stop”. It’s mine. Mine! Through eight years of steady patronage, including my fight to actually have the structure put into place and including the daily litter-picking-up service that I provide throughout my neighborhood, it’s mine.

Frankly, the whole neighborhood is mine. Just ask me.

And I’m tired of it being defaced.

So here’s what I want to see happen:

Just because someone’s written/scribbled on something doesn’t mean you have to leave it there. Cover it. Right away. If it’s city property, call 311.

That mail box hanging off the post by a nail. Maybe you re-affix it, put a fresh coat of paint on it? Even that large-mouth bass mailbox you’ve been secretly coveting would be an improvement.

I want people to sweep the sidewalks in front of their houses – not just some of us! All of us. I have a neighbor that takes a knife to the edges of his yard, runs it along where the grass meets the concrete. Talk about nice-looking! Wheee-doggie. I’m not suggesting we all do that, but really, if you do? There should be some sort of tax break, don’t you think?

And window cleaning. What’s happened to window cleaning? I know it’s a drag, but dagnabit people, I want to see my face in your window!

Which reminds me: what I do not want to see in your window is your butt. While I appreciate that you work out – and frankly, it shows! – I don’t want to know that you cook in the nude. You keep that up, you’re gonna burn something that shouldn’t get burned. If you’re not going to have respect for the people walking by, won’t you at least think of the Emergency Room personnel?

I have a list of other demands, but I think you get the picture.

Yours in City Beautification,

Pearl

39 comments:

jabblog said...

If everyone had your attitude the world would be a tidier, prettier place, but the blackened thumb?? Were you rubbing off the graffiti or painting over it?

Vicus Scurra said...

A little bit bossy, a little bit anal, you'll be voting Republican unless you watch your step.

Pearl said...

jabblog, the nail is black from having licked it and then rubbed the graffiti off. :-) Awkward sentence, but it's an awkward day.

Vicus, first: LOL. Second: How DARE you, sir!
So I'll see you at dawn then? Revolvers?

TexWisGirl said...

thankfully, don't get too much graffiti out here in the country, but get plenty of trash. *sigh*

Symdaddy said...

I wish my neighbours had your attitude, because I'm pretty damned sure I could convince them (with a wink and a smile) to clean just a little extra bit of pavement ... the bit in front of our house!

Pearl said...

TexWis, I have to acknowledge that there seem to be more morons with felt-tip markers in the city than in the country! But trash, yes -- seems to be universal. What ever happened to Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute?!

Sym, you drive a hard bargain, my friend.

L-Kat said...

I assure you I'm not one that cooks in the nude. However, sometimes I need to streak around my apartment from bathroom to laundry room to bedroom, and I always think it's everyone else's problem: if they don't want to see me au naturel then don't look into my apartment, creepers! :)

Al Penwasser said...

Maybe he's cooking weiners...?

Pearl said...

L-Kat, I've got a neighbor who feels the same way!

Al, now THAT, sir, is funny. :-)

Shelly said...

At the risk of branding myself a total lunatic, I will admit, out here in the wide open spaces, to having talked with a rancher neighbor of ours about his excessively pooping cows and how unseemly it looks from our road. If you lived in the country, I'm sure you would be joining me.

Nessa Roo said...

Because of our wind, my patio seems to be the collecting pool for all the loose trash in our neighborhood.
Those dancing circles of leaves were once called "fairy circles." Our fat little fairies have been dining at Taco Bell and Pizza Hut.

Eva Gallant said...

There is such a need in this world for more Pearls!

Pat said...

Pearl when I was about 12 I used to scrub our steps and then decorate then with pummy stone - or something like that - for my pocket money. Brownie point?

Sioux said...

Yeah, those nude cooks might end up with a pork butt of a different color...

Pearl said...

Shelly, I used to live across a county road from a dairy farmer. I know of what you speak...

Nessa Roo, The fairies in my neighborhood all go to McDonald's. I filled a garbage bag in a six-block walk last weekend. And not a word of thanks... :-)

Eva, Consider yourself deputized. :-)

Pat, absolutely. Parts of my neighborhood could use a good scrubbing...

Sioux, I fried bacon once, naked. Never again!

CarrieBoo said...

LOLOL Vicus!

I will pick up garbage, but don't expect me to edge my dead grass or clean my windows. Unless a bird craps on them, then maybe I'll take a hose to it, or get my husband to, at least. Butts in windows should jump to first place, really.

vanilla said...

You are such a good citizen; wish there were more like you. No joke here today, but please don't ask me to wash my windows.

jenny_o said...

I second the problem with trash in the country - I travel a rural but still well-populated road almost daily and there is a new bag of fast-food wrappings in a different spot on that road almost daily. It's incredibly annoying. I'd like to catch whoever is doing it.

Of course, then I'd probably die by their hand and not be able to enjoy your posts anymore. That would not sit well with me either.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Pearl, have you been peaking in my windows? Again?

Hannah Denski said...

: ) ah, you can come to fix my front garden any day! I promise you'll only see your face in my windows (window cleaner does good job, usually). No graffiti, thank goodness! :)x

savannah said...

amen, sister! (that's all i got this morning. long days/nights out here in lalaland.) xoxoxox

Mitchell is Moving said...

Cooking in the nude isn't so bad (well I always nuked everything anyway). IRONING in the nude can be VERY dangerous.

Stephen Hayes said...

The only reason I bother taking walks is to see who's cooking in the nude.

Ms Sparrow said...

I salute you and your sterling efforts to keep things nice. After all, isn't that what Minnesota Nice is all about?

Mom of A and a said...

hear hear!! Or do I mean, there, there??!! Hmmm!!

Geo. said...

Happily, people on my road are good about keeping front yards clear of junk, but we pity folks that don't live near a gully.

Kerry said...

I thought when you said you had a blackened finger that you'd smashed it, so I'm glad to hear it was just, you know...dirty. Clean up your finger Pearl! it's grossing me out!

naw, not really. I'm with you except for the window-cleaning thing. It's too much to ask people to put clothes on AND wash their windows. Dirty windows solve the seeing-a-nude-chef problem.

chlost said...

Your neighbors should be nominating you for an award. "The Keep your Neighborhood free of Butts, Graffiti, and Trash Award". Well, maybe just "The Trashy" for sure. Quite an honor, I assure you.

Linda O'Connell said...

Neighborhood watch lady, are we now? Graffiti on bodies, park benches, trains, everywhere. What is wrong with people?

sage said...

I like your attitude, Pearl

ladyfi said...

You made me laugh when really I should be sympathizing over your black thumb.

Lynn said...

Hee hee - I like that you are keeping Pearl's neighborhood straight!

Paula Wooters said...

As the poor white trash of my neighborhood, I will give serious consideration to your demands. I can assure you, however, that my neighbors have never seen my poor white ass.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, the whole world would look better if more thought as you do. Clean up, people! As for Shelly, if she can't stand the sight of cows pooping out in the field, please DO go live in the city and watch dogs poop on the sidewalk instead... ":)
Fact IS, animals, cows and all on farms do what they DO, regardless how many city slickers they might offend in the process of existing. Close your eyes, don't watch. ":))

Diane said...

With six kids, spouses, and twelve grandchildren, the graffiti and trash all ends up INSIDE our house. Sigh. And there's definitely NO nudity. While cooking or otherwise. Heck, one doesn't dare disrobe even to shower . . .

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl!

"I have a neighbor that takes a knife to the edges of his yard, runs it along where the grass meets the concrete. Talk about nice-looking!"

I have two parents that do that. It was a weird childhood.

Roth x

Pat Tillett said...

Geez, if people start cleaning up around their own houses, then I'll be the only WT left in the neighborhood. If I wanted my own place to be nice, I'd get a job so I could hire somebody with a dump truck to clean it up for me...

NellieVaughn said...

I am a hippie, so I like the natural look. Let the garden get out of control. The windows look so charming when they're dirty. Weeds should try to choke people as they walk by. Maybe I should just live in the forest, but there's not cable there.

Susan in the Boonies said...

There is no beautification committee in the Boonies.

And frankly?

It shows!!!