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Monday, July 16, 2012

Four Out of Five Zombies Recommend Mass Transit


Della, the Laptop What Loves Me, is sickly.  This means, of course, that I had no access to a computer this weekend and could not write, which means that today is a re-post.  I hope to be able to write again by Thursday.  

Enjoy!



I wouldn’t say I was a paranoid woman, a suspicious woman or even a woman with grave concerns.

But indication that the zombies are gathering was apparent on my ride to work this morning.

There are three steps, up and into the bus.

The bus driver has been the same person for several weeks now.

“Good morning,” I say. A crotchety, pinch-faced individual, he continues to stare straight ahead.

This particular driver has not once, since taking over this route, responded in any way to my greeting and I now say it while mentally calculating the number of people he acknowledges a day, a number I place, having seen him every morning for roughly four weeks, at zero. I wonder if he knows that I now say “good morning” without any real wishes that he actually have a good morning.

I refuse to let the crabby fart stand in the way of my being friendly, however, and I scan my Go card and proceed toward the back of the bus.

The light at this time of morning has changed recently, no doubt a result of Colorado having been on fire. Our summer tans appear apologetic in the early-morning light, leaving us mere shades from our original and in-the-box condition. The faces around me are slack, eyes unblinking,

I settle into my seat and touch my cheek, checking for similar slackness.

I turn to my seat mate. “Does anything seem different to you today?”

She smiles and holds up her hands, palms up. She doesn’t speak English.

“Zombies,” I say, smiling. “Think any of these people might be zombies?”

She continues to smile, shakes her head, and resumes staring out her window.

It occurs to me that, when the zombies come, they will take public transportation. I can see it now.

“’morning, Jim!”


“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah.”


“What’s that, Jim?”


“AAaaaaaaaaah.”


“Well that’s true, but they have just as much a chance as any other team. Don’t let anyone tell you differently!”


“Aaaaaaaaaaaah.”


“Well, here’s my stop. See you later!”


“Aaaaaaaaah.”

Who will notice?

I look around the bus. So many zombies already: on the bus, in the elevator, standing in line at the bank.

Ever vigilant. That’s me. Ever working, ever tax-paying, ever vigilant.

Do I look pale to you?

Aaaaaaaaaah.

38 comments:

Simply Suthern said...

Zombies appear to be everywhere now. Both of my favorite gun building shows are making zombie guns. The auction hunting show was killing zomies and my daughter was an extra in a zombie movie this weekend.

Seems they are here to stay. I spose as long as they have a bus pass they aint hurting anything.

Geo. said...

Delightful! And a bit too close to the mark. When I think back on my 40 years of working, my conversations could easily have consisted mainly of "Aaaaaaaaaah".

Pearl said...

Simply, zombies are now fashionable. :-)

Geo., it's possible that at 6:30 a.m. that it's really the only intelligent thing to say!

Sparkle Farkle said...

Is it possible your zombie experience may have been the inspiration behind Comic-Con's The Walking Dead Escape Obstacle Course?! (<--cLicKy-cLiCky to see exclusive video) I'm thinking yes, and an even bigger yes to you being monetarily compen$ated for yet another Pearly-Girl Bright Idea!

Sparkle Farkle said...

P.S. Get well, dear Della!

TexWisGirl said...

thanks for the snicker. :)

esbboston said...

I am writing this. I am stiLL alive. For a little while longer maybe.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

They can ride our buses, but they damned sure better keep their rotting carcasses out of our jobs!

vanilla said...

Perhaps if you associated with a different class of zombie?

Shelly said...

Sometimes I think you have too much fun on these bus rides...

Macy said...

Expecting to hear stories about the laptop fairy soon Pearl, when Della's miraculously restored!

Pearl said...

Sparkle, oh, too funny! And I shall pass along your well-wishes to Della! :-)

TexWis, :-)

esb, ahh, news from the front lines...

Susan, I actually think we may be too late on that front -- I have suspicions about some of my coworkers...

vanilla, I think if you're looking at zombies, the working class are probably best. At least they'll all be in bed at a decent hour.

Shell, wait. Too much what now? Is there such a thing as too much fun?! :-)

Macy, that little bastid has been to my house a number of times -- which reminds me: I'll need to stock up on beer...

bill lisleman said...

Pearl can a laptop become a zombie? Maybe I should destroy my older one that feeds on electricity to just give me an hour glass and not responding messages. At least the bus zombies actually move a little.

jenny_o said...

If Della died and was brought back, would she qualify as a zombie laptop? I never quite pictured my thirst for knowledge leading me to ask a question like that :)

Hope you and Della are fixed up in no time flat. In the meantime, continue with your torture of the bus driver. He deserves it.

jenny_o said...

Gak! While I was typing, Bill beat me to it with the laptop zombie question!

Pearl said...

Bill and Jenny, I am absolutely tickled with the idea of a dead laptop returning as a zombie! Now what would a zombie laptop do... Hmmm... *tapping forehead, deep in thought*

Susan Kane said...

I needed some good giggles this morning. Aaaaagh, indeed!

Stephen Hayes said...

I hope Della your computer doesn't die because there are zombie computers out there hungry to gobble up her parts.

W.C.Camp said...

I don't mind your version of Zombies because they just groan in search of stimulation or caffeine unlike movie zombies which eat your face off. Yours I can live with, the other ones I can't! W.C.C.

Pearl said...

Susan, I'm glad!

Stephen, laptop cannibals. *shudder*

WCC, there is no eating on the bus. :-)

Bodacious Boomer said...

I miss so much by not taking public transportation...

Hannah Denski said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah or Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh : ) ... I'm turning into one, I can feel it, my brain's a mass of random thoughts, yet I'm unable to make a sense out of them... I get people talking to me these days and I can hear my uhuhs, and feel my nodding... is there yet a chance for me? To recover? x

Gigi said...

Oh poor Della! Are you attempting to fix her yourself or are you having a professional do it? If you are doing it yourself, I might have a few ideas that you could try. Send me an email and maybe I can help. I'm no expert - but depending on the problem....maybe we could get lucky.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! I passed a pack of sophisticated zombies earlier. The leader was in evening dress, and the whole of them were muttering "Cerebella!". Takes all sorts. Roth x

Boom Boom Larew said...

Is "Zombies on a Bus" anything like "Snakes on a Plane"?

Lin said...

The bus driver is definitely a zombie--they don't ever answer to "Good morning."

good luck with the computer. Ugh. Maybe a zombie got it....

HermanTurnip said...

Hey...I see them zombies every time I visit the food court for lunch. Apparently, zombies have a weakness Cinnabons...

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

So glad you reposted this since I missed it the first time. Zombies, yes, I have seen them often.

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Pat said...

I am definitely Zombie-like first thing in the morning - and I prefer that others be likewise.

Lynn said...

Giving thanks right now that I don't have to ride the bus! :)

Lynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mitchell is Moving said...

You have an exceptional way of seeing and describing the everyday in fascinating, hilarious, and perfect ways. A bus ride will never be the same again.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Maybe some of the zombies are acting like zombies to blend in--you know, for protection.

River said...

I'm a zombie when on the bus, just sitting there reading my kindle. I'm hoping the zombieness doesn't start happening at work too, it's dull enough there already.

Indigo Roth said...

It DOES defy deconstruction Boom Boom, it's true...

Linda said...

Hmmm, glad I don't take the bus anymore. I'll be on the lookout. ;)

NellieVaughn said...

I mind zombies only because they smell bad. A vampire cares about hygiene. He knows he can get the ladies, but only if his breath is fresh.