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Monday, June 4, 2012

When Water Chestnuts are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Water Chestnuts


Sure it's a re-post, but since I mentioned the water chestnuts yesterday, I was compelled...


Compelled, I tell you!


Not to mention the fact that I am moving (again) today and tomorrow.  Wish me good luck and flexibility...


The pantry at my parents’ house has reached Fun House proportions.

Step inside, won’t you? Would you like a pickle? No? Are you sure? Because I think I can give you up to six quarts before anyone would notice.

No?

I like to wander in, every now and then, just to see what we’re stocking up on these days. It’s not a large pantry, but it has its charms. Food, wooden matches, boxes of cassette tapes.

They stock up, my parents do, partially for winter, and partially for any unforeseen circumstances.

Should The End come, there will salsa and chips at my parents’, followed by a brief memorial and a dance.

Look over there. You see that? Appears a deal’s been made in the area of canned water chestnuts.

“Dad,” I say, barely able to keep the smile off my face, let alone out of my words. “You plan on doing a lot of stir-frying?”

My father is not dumb, but he does enjoy a good game of Let’s See How Far We Can Take This.

“You know what the currency will be, don’t you?”

“What, when The End comes?”

My dad nods.

“Water chestnuts?”

Dad smiles.

“Dad, have you been listening to the Mayans again?”

Dad taps the side of his nose and winks but remains silent.

“And you’re thinking that sliced water chestnuts are where the power will lie?”

“And the whole water chestnut!” he interjects. “Let’s not downplay the value of the whole and unsliced water chestnut!”

Water chestnuts aside, the pantry also seems to hold a lot of canned tomatoes, bar soap, marinated artichoke hearts (“oh, your mother loves those, you know”) and, inexplicably, wooden toothpicks.

“Wooden toothpicks,” I muse. I let the phrase hang for a bit, see if it will gain any momentum.

“What,” Dad says. “Because it’s the end of the world we’re not going to have cocktail parties? Build tiny rafts? Spear each other in mock duals?”

He has a point.

No use in letting the end of the world ruin a good time.

45 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Moving again? I hope this time to something permanent that you can call home for a while. Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly for you.
Hey...I have a can of water chestnuts in the pantry that are about to expire. Would you have any use for them?

joeh said...

There is something comforting about a fully stocked pantry, and endless cords of neatly stacked firewood in the back yard.

And we don't have a fireplace.

Cranky Old Man

Leenie said...

The odd and the unusual storage items will put their owners on the top of the demand list when everyone else only has cream of wheat, oatmeal and powdered eggs.

Best wishes for lots of help with a that move and a Super Supreme Pizza delivered to your new address when all your stuff is in its new home.

Simply Suthern said...

I have a large stock of old power cords and adaptors from various computer components and electronic devices. I plan on bartering them for some of those water chestnuts when the time comes.

Pearl said...

The way human beings think, I have no doubt that canned goods are the bartering tools of the future. Anyone remember the movie "A Boy and His Dog"?!

Pearl

Pat said...

I like Dad's attitude.
Good luck dear.

skoots1mom said...

...and one HAS to be able to keep the aluminum paper off the cheddar cheese! :)

L-Kat said...

I've said it before: I love your reposts. They are great for relatively newbie followers like me! :)

Good luck with the move: I'm sending you lots of patience and positivity!

Cheryl said...

I know that game, "Let's See How Far We Can Take This," but didn't have a name for it. With my husband's six cleverly funny brothers and sisters, this game can go on for 20 minutes - that's per person!

I don't cook or take care of kids, but if I lived in your area, I'd grab some boxes and help you move. My best to you today, Pearl.

Pearl said...

Pat, my dad is a can-do kinda guy.

skoots1mom, one must think ahead!

L-Kat, I suspect there is a fluctuating number that comes in and out of this blog, so I'm hoping I don't bore anyone too much!

Cheryl, I love that game. :-) I appreciate the offer to help move, but it shouldn't be too bad...

fishducky said...

We, too, are prepared to throw an "end of the world" party--especially if you like canned cream of mushroom soup!

bill lisleman said...

This is one of your top hits IMHO.
Moving? Cats too? All the best.

Jamie said...

Like your posting, it is inspiring and entertaining to read.

etched glass

bill lisleman said...

This post is one of your top hits IMHO. Moving? cats too? All the best.

CarrieBoo said...

I'm going to start stocking tin openers, in that case. :) We seem to end up with a lot of sauces and tins of beans.

Lynn said...

You and your dad sound delightful together. :) And my parents used to lay in supplies like that. When they were both ill and confined to the house a few years ago, I used to buy their groceries and she had written down six jars of beets on the list. I asked if they were eating beets night and day. :) And later, after they were gone, we discovered enough bar soap to bathe the world. Plus paper towels forever.

vanilla said...

In our pantry we are stockpiling pasta: spaghelli, ziti, rigatoni, lasagna, you name it. You never know when the wheat market is gonna go outa sight. Trust me on this.

vanilla said...

Spaghelli. What is it? Guess.

Eva Gallant said...

I laughed at this as much as I did the first time. Hope your move goes well.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Thanks for the repost. I'm having a hell of a time trying to catch up on all I've missed. I think I'd enjoy talking with your father and I wonder if he and my mother were perhaps separated at birth. What is it about water chestnuts?!?

jenny_o said...

We've had the same container of toothpicks in our cupboard for years. And years and years. Evidently we don't have a good time very often :)

Ms Sparrow said...

I not only saw "A Boy and His Dog" but read Harlan Ellison's story. I guess everything in life is just a matter of values.
Good luck with the move!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

This sounds like one of our horrid trips to Costco. (Do you have one of those out there? A grocery wholesaler?) We go in for a jar of peanuts and spend $300. How many paper towels do you need to keep in storage?

bill lisleman said...

This post is one of your top hits I think.
(having problems seeing comments I've left seems like the bit bucket is grabbing them. Sorry if this is a repeat.)

Belle said...

I plan to run to the mountains at the end of the world and eat deer and mushrooms. I think that would make a good saute'.

Joanne said...

And no use letting a move ruin a good blog. Especially a good move. Balcony porch for the cats? Attic for the band. How about that locking key cabinet. One a tiny kitty claw cannot pick for the car keys.

Silliyak said...

The cats are on the run aren't they? You're a loyal servant.

Travis Erwin said...

A world full of chestnuts and artichoke hearts and devoid of steak and bacon is not a world in which I wish to dwell.

ThreeOldKeys said...

laughing ... as always.

and wishing you a successful move, easy on the knees and back.

thanks for re-posting; we're spoiled by your reliability!

Bodacious Boomer said...

Best of luck moving. I'd stay longer but I'm off to the Asian grocery to load up on water chestnuts.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Wishing you good luck, flexibility, and happiness in your move, my friend.

Tell me you'll be closer to Mary. Or to work. Or that it's a good thing.

Love you, Pearl.

Gigi said...

Good luck on the move. Eventually, you will be settled.

Vanilla has the pasta covered and we've got the canned tomatoes and paste - so we are good to go.

klahanie said...

And perhaps water chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Oops, there goes the earth.
Good luck and um a 'moving' post! :)
Shy, humble and unassuming Gary....

Lo said...

I even love your re-posts...
and good luck on the move.

Love, Lo

sage said...

No olives to go with the toothpicks and vermouth and I am assuming there are cases of gin

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Move carefully Pearl, stay safe, and don't forget your supply of Gummy Bears and cookies! Hm...might not hurt to have a few boxes of chocolate too...":)

NellieVaughn said...

You should not have published this post. Now people know. They know and they will hurt you for your food when the end comes. I have nothing. No food, water, flashlights. That's my story, and I am sticking to it.

Roses said...

Happy moving day!

Hope it all goes well, you don't pull anything and find all the boxes you packed.

esbboston said...

Moving a gain?

After living in one little house about twenty years, I bought the little house neXt door. So we moved about twenty feet north, straight north towards Santa Claus. I told my wife that every glacier on earth moves far faster than we do.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

This could be dangerous. Water chestnuts give me gas.

the walking man said...

I am prepared for the end of the world also...I stocked nothing because if the world is ending why leave it behind?

Old Bitter Balls said...

Did someone say panties?

River said...

I love hearing about other people's stocked pantries. mine has a large supply of toothpaste and toilet paper. Also about a years supply of pasta and jars of sauce.
I hope your new home is everything you could wish for.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Marinated artichoke hearts: I love those, you know. ;)
It is fun to meet your Dad here, and see where you got your sense of humor.
Happy moving. Wish I was there to lug and pour margaritas.

Diane said...

No. No. No. Your Dad should have talked to MY dad. Currency of power will be the Brazil nut. Nutritious and delicious. And present by the bucket in my Dad's basement.
Maybe I shouldn't have said that . . .