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Friday, June 22, 2012

We Have Your Body on Line One. Shall I Take a Message?


I don’t know what I have against my body.

And no, that’s not a country-western song.

No, I want to know why I wait until the last possible moment before I pay attention to its needs.

Consider my usual delay in using the facilities at work. I’m just going to do this one more thing, just this one more thing – ooh, wait, there’s the phone. And what? You need a meeting? OK, I can do that, too.

Next thing you know, something that hasn’t happened since I was but a child is imminent and it’s all I can do to keep from wetting myself.

I blame my family, of course.

Ever take a road trip with my Dad? The object, other than topping the last trip’s mileage, is to have no stops between departure and arrival. You what? You need to use the bathroom? Didn’t you use the bathroom this morning? We’re making great time here, can’t you wait until the hotel? We should be there by the time the sun sets…

If I were you, I wouldn’t get the Big Gulp before you leave with my Dad.

I have the same problem with eating.

Now, those who know me know that I am a big fan of eating. Having been raised by people who practice the from-scratch method of cooking, it’s only right that I should be something of a snob regarding food. This is not to say that I don’t eat fast food or eat meals that came out of a box, but given my druthers, I’d much prefer that the food come hot off the stove.

Preferably right after someone else has prepared it.

So why is it late afternoon and I haven’t eaten yet?

Driven by obligation: Must fold clothes. Must vacuum. Must build canoe from hollowed log. Must check Facebook one more time… 

So why don’t I just stop what I’m doing and have a little something to eat?

Dagnab it! I swear. I keep this up, and I’m telling.

I’m not kidding this time.

I’ve had it with me.

40 comments:

middle child said...

You know. If your body wasn't asking you for food then it's not your fault. It's your body's fault.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

"Must build canoe from hollowed log." Planning on floating on down to McDonalds? Come on Pearl, you need to look after you. Time to put that first on the list.

Shelly said...

You need to tell that little poo throwing monkey and that burly man in your head they'd better start taking care of you in an agreeable way or we will start eviction proceedings on them. There's a nice grandmotherly type older woman who's looking for a place in someone's head...saw it on Craig's List.

Pearl said...

middle, my body is now requesting guacamole. :-)

Delores, oh, there's terrible flooding just a few hours north. Crazy weather we're having...

Shelly, I would love to have a grandma move in. :-) Anyway, I've decided that today is the day that everything gets better. Everything. Now who's with me?! Raaaaaaahr!!!

Indigo Roth said...

Dammit, get some food into you! Don't make me come over there with a huge meaty pizza. Got beer? Roth

Hannah Denski said...

Hm, how familiar, you live in the world of your own... separate from the body... Hx

TexWisGirl said...

you're a mess!

Pearl said...

Indigo, thin crust please. :-)

Hannah, I suspect we have some things in common, my dear.

Pearl said...

TexWis, it's starting to look that way, isn't it?! :-)

Symdaddy said...

There is something slightly scary about a grown woman risking the perils of wet knickers JUST to accomplish one last,and possibly meaningless task.

Frankly though, the thought of you standing in a puddle of your own making would have me running for my camera ... you know ... the one that instantly uploads to Facebook.

Indigo Roth said...

Ham, sausage, spicy beef, bacon, pepperoni, mushroom, jalapeƱos, thin crust, plenty of cheese?

Ms Sparrow said...

Always trying to squeeze in just one more thing is Type-A behavior. Tell me you're NOT Type-A! Those people make me nervous and slightly suspicious.

Silliyak said...

What Shelley said....

Indigo Roth said...

Ham, sausage, spicy beef, bacon, pepperoni, mushroom, jalapeƱos, thin crust, plenty of cheese?

Amy said...

I am the same way. It is part of the Midwest work ethic I think, and part of being a woman.

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

lol. Yep, I'm there with you. I'm the worst one about going to use the facilities. Along about 2:30 I'm wondering why my bladder is about to burst. I leave the house about 4:45 in the morning to come to work. That's a long time to wait to pee.

Matt said...

Something to eat sounds nice right about now, who doesn't love food! :)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You don't eat while on the computer, Pearl? Not even when facebooking? I can't sit here without stuffing my face. Then I postpone the bathroom trip for hours. Come to think of it, I may have traveled with your dad. Must've repressed the memories.

xoRobyn

Dr Zibbs said...

I've always been the same way with my kids. No stopping!

CarrieBoo said...

I suffer from this same affliction. It did in fact once cause me to pee my little Brownie outfit outside someone's house while selling cookies. Thankfully, I haven't peed myself in more recent years due to the affliction.

Sioux said...

Maybe that's why I'm sporting several extra rolls and you're able to roll around on a yoga mat...I NEVER manage to miss or forget a meal.

jenny_o said...

"We Have Your Body on Line One. Shall I Take a Message?"

PUT 'ER THROUGH!! PUT 'ER THROUGH, DAGNABIT!!!!

Joyful Things said...

For me, there is nothing so important that it will get in the way of eating - or peeing. I'm kind of selfish that way.

esbboston said...

According to the movie The Blues Brothers, they like both kinds of music, Country and Western, in your part of the world. And yes, that could be a Country or Western song, but probably not both.

Gigi said...

Pearl, I get it. I have the same problems. Maybe we should randomly text each other throughout the day. "Did you pee yet?" "No, have you eaten?"

Pat said...

It really is kinder to your body if you can have a fairly regular routine and makes life so much simpler later on.
Boring but true.

Lynn said...

That's something I don't understand - I never miss a meal. :)

ThreeOldKeys said...

do you sometimes realize you've been sitting in some horribly uncomfortable position for ... who knows how long?

... all your weight on one toe or half a buttock ... or a hitch in your side that finally breaks into your consciousness ...?

maybe that's just me. i get so focused on hollowing the log i don't notice PAIN.

Juli said...

We could be sisters...

~Sia McKye~ said...

Well, holding it until the hotel would never work with me. Holding it isn't as easy as it was as a kid. But I do get distracted by one more thing and it's DON'T move, just breathe thirty seconds, ahhh, now you can run like hell for the bathroom. I'm trying to be better with eating.

At least I know I'm not the only one with these issues, lolol!

Sia McKye OVER COFFEE

Al Penwasser said...

That's okay. I'm that way with sleeping. Which is why I'm sitting at my computer at 2:00 in the morning.
Wait a minute! It's 2:00. In the morning.
What the hell?
I'm going to bed.
Right after a game of Words With Friends.

Roly Clu said...

Damn! Now you made me do it too. I just laughed so hard I spilled my tea down my leg....... oh! S**T wait that's not tea ...... ang on, back in mo

NellieVaughn said...

I tend to neglect my need for sleep. It's almost 2am, and I am up drinking coffee.

River said...

I'll bring the garlic bread to go with Indigo's pizza. Dessert too?

Mr. Charleston said...

So much to do, so little time. Dogs have this thing figured out... eat, poop, pee, sleep, while someone else takes care of you. That's it! Instead of a little man, I need a dog in my head!

vanilla said...

Why you little... Someone needs to give you a switchin'; or at least a good talkin' to.

Diane said...

Mr. Charleston definitely has it figured out . . .
Are you quite sure your dad and mine aren't related? No stops!!! Except for gas. When we'd all do the two-step to the nearest facilities.
Then my dad would came back to the car with an armload of pop and chocolate bars. And somehow, I could never get my bladder and the car's tank on the same schedule. Sigh.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Your memories of traveling with your Dad brought up similar memories of my own. OMG! No bathroom stops! No meals en route! It was torture. But I wish I had your tendency to delay your own meals at home because you're busy with other things!

Susan in the Boonies said...

It's those pesky canoes that get me every time.

Tempo said...

I hate convoy, sadly I've been in a few but lately my family wants to travel in convoy every where we go. I tell them I'm stopping for fuel or something, take a shortcut to get ahead of them and by the time they work out I'm not behind them trying to catch up, I'm ahead of them and see them when they eventually get there. I'm like..."how did I get here first?" (quizzical look)