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Monday, June 18, 2012

It's Time to Get Up! It's Time to Get Up! Wake Up! Wake Up!


My appliances are in cahoots and plotting ways to drive me mad.

For instance, I suspect my alarm clock – snatcher of dreams, night-buster, bringer of headaches – of outright lying to me.

I can’t go into a lot of detail here – I rely on the dang thing, after all, plus it reads my blog – other than to say that when the alarm goes off at 5:50 there are daily, whispered insinuations made, assurances of comfortable 10-minute “snoozes” that promise not to cut into my morning routine and to put me back into that dream-state I so enjoy.

This is a lie, of course. There is rarely such a thing as just one slap at the Snooze, anything and everything affects the morning routine, and another 10 minutes of sleep means nothing.

Nothing.

Like many people, I, for reasons that vary from getting to bed late to the inability to fall and stay asleep, am vulnerable to the Snooze.

And the early-morning bit, the lies the clock tells me? The lies I allow to ooze into my ears before I’ve attained full consciousness, the ones we are all vulnerable whilst pliably ensconced in the last precious moments of serene sleep? Those lies, I suspect, are universal.

What? What’s that? You are immune to the insidious ways of the morning snooze? You awaken smelling of clean sheets and optimism, bound out of bed, flow through 10 Sun Salutations and then pop into the kitchen for whole grains and pulverized-fruit juices before bicycling to work?

I’ve heard of people like you!

The truth is that I envy you people, the ones to whom the alarm clock does not lie, people that awaken of their own accord, refreshed and buoyant. Not that I’ve met one of your kind in person yet, but sources (and we’ll leave it at that: just “sources”) inform me that you’re out there.

The alarm clock may never be my friend but for now, it’s a necessary evil; and I’m sure it’s just trying to do what it’s told for as long as possible.  It's a tough economy, after all, and even a job as a waker of the unwilling is something.

I certainly can't do it on my own.

Everybody likes a little job security, after all.

Unlike that foolish iPod docking station of mine, whose buttons sometimes work and sometimes don’t.

That little SOB is walking on thin ice.

38 comments:

Kim Gibson said...

I'm so glad your alarm clock did its job this morning. Reading your post made me laugh which is a great way to start my day.

Simply Suthern said...

I typically wake up prior to the Alarm going off. I never hit the snooze.

However, That aint a salute to the sun you see, I'm just wiping the sleep from my eyes. Stop looking in my window.

Leenie said...

This is your alarm clock. Yes, I read your blog. How did you know? And I totally resent your slandering me on the world wide web! It's a tough economy, after all, and a job as a waker of the unwilling is SO unappreciated. While you're gone today I'm checking the want ads for something in the kitchen where I can prevent fires. Maybe the cats can give me some advice. PPpppttth.

esbboston said...

I haven't been a slave to an alarm clock electronic for over a thousand days, but I do have to contend with a canine who craves calories and companionship. WeLL, I am off to handle weeds in the workplace .... ... .. . as soon as I make more coffee, now there is a machine worthy of being my master, first name Bunn, last name Tic.

savannah said...

i sleep with my alarm clock, sugar! *sigh* why he feels the need to wake up before the damn sun is beyond me... xoxoxox

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I have risen to the clang of the alarm clock for more years than I care to admit to...but...two years ago I retired and did something I have been promising myself for years. Hold on now..ready for it..I unplugged the alarm clock and put it in my bottom drawer. Now in the morning as I rise to wakefulness in my own sweet time I think of that evil piece of machinery sulking in my bottom drawer...and smile....and turn over....and go back to sleep. Hold on Pearl...this is something to look forward to.

CarrieBoo said...

Alarm clocks make me crave retirement. These people who wake up and drink freshly-squeezed juice, then probably go jogging (even on a cold Christmas morn')... I don't think they are human.

CarrieBoo said...

LOL! Just saw Delores's comment after I posted mine. See! :D

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

I've never been one to hit snooze. My clock is across the room and I have to get up. And anyways, it would piss me off to no end to just fall back to sleep (rare occasion)and that thing blare again. Nope, it's up and at 'em for me.

middle child said...

I hear you. I hate waking to an alarm. Hate waking period. I am married to one who flies out of bed and gets to getting. I too wish I was like this but I am not. I never will be.
There is only one exception to this. If I am going to the Flea Market.....I would be up and run around, excitement being my adrenilan. (sp?)

Shelly said...

I no longer use an alarm- just don't need it, so wretchedly reliable is my own inner alarm clock at awakening no later than 4:30 AM each and every day for the rest of my long life. Ugh.

Roly Clu said...

My day has been going for a while already. It's 16h45 here. I hate alarm clocks but without them I would never have been able to hold down a job :)

Eva Gallant said...

Alarm clocks are evil!

jenny_o said...

Oh I hear you - I cannot abide an actual alarm so I get up, most of the time, to the radio (the rest of the time, I am late), and awaken somewhat later, say in an hour or so.

R. Jacob said...

on the rare mornings I need to wake up early, my "Oh MY God I am late" paranoia usually wakes me ahead of time. Most days two of our dogs wake me to be let out, a 4 paw alarm!

bill lisleman said...

I'm trying to think of the opposite of "smelling of clean sheets and optimism". Dirty sheets and many things go together. Optimism - the new reason to change your sheets?

Geo. said...

By the time I retired, daily morning conditioning left me permanently alarmed. Delightful post!

That gentleman's lady said...

My alarm on my phone exists purely to wake my sister up.....

It's a good way to be!

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Superglue the snooze button. Worked for me.

Pat Tillett said...

I've always HATED getting up to an alarm. I guess that is why I always had jobs that didn't require me to be there in the early morning. I don't even own an alarm clock now... sorry Pearl!

steve-bailey said...

Im one of those people! I dont ever even have to set my alarm. I awake every morning at the exact same time ... right when the jailer rattles my cage!

Joanne said...

Reminiscent of the story of my grandfather, who survived the depression one twenty five cent alarm clock remair at a time. Everyone had to get up in time to get to work or find a job.

I so remember dragging out of bed, back in the day.

NellieVaughn said...

I used to be one of those people that could get up from bed without a need for an alarm, but everything has changed. I need coffee. I need a loud voice amplified by a bullhorn, ordering me to get up. And all of this makes me feel happy that, even if it's just in the mornings, I am just like everyone else.

Happy Frog and I said...

I always sleep through the alarm clock, the second alarm etc. Somehow I make it to work on time but usually by the skin of my teeth. I don't think my body clock is programmed for early starts so perhaps this is all against my human rights?

NotesFromAbroad said...

I had an alarm clock once.
I killed it.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! You should hold an AGM for all your appliances. They may have union support, but you need to define terms. "Maybe" is not one of them. Indigo x

Gigi said...

Alarm clocks do more than just wake us up so that we can slog off to work. They are also insidiously re-calibrating our body clocks. How do I know? Because now every morning without fail, my eyes pop open at 6:00 am. Granted that's later than the time the alarm clock goes off - but I never used to do that on days I didn't have to get up. I figure that by the time retirement rolls around, if it ever does, my body clock will have re-calibrated itself to wake every day at 4:00 am.

Bodaciousboomer said...

I've never understood the snooze. Why not just set your clock for 20 minutes later and get it the first time?

chlost said...

There is obviously a big difference between getting up and being awake. Often that difference is at least a long shower, 3 cups of coffee and 2 hours. And I rarely even use an alarm clock any more.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Mean, cruel contraption that alarm clock is. However, it has saved me from embarrassing situations on occasions.

HermanTurnip said...

I used to fall prey to the snooze button. It got so bad the wife held an intervention for me. I am now no longer able to go to bed without setting at least three alarms, each set at varying distances from the bed, guaranteeing that I wake up on time. My wife, if you can't tell by now, is pure evil. ;-)

River said...

I have a bedside clock, but I've never, ever, set the alarm. I just wake up when I need to.

ThreeOldKeys said...

clean sheets and optimism.

one slap at the Snooze.

i think i am in love with you. please do not be alarmed.

Mitchell is Moving said...

"Bound out of bed, flow through 10 Sun Salutations..."? People like that are just plain peculiar and can't be trusted. I woke up once smiling and without the alarm. I think it was some time in 1986.

I use the alarm usually a couple of days a week now but it's only so I can meet some friends for coffee at 9 a.m. Even so, I hit snooze.

Pat said...

I've never quite fathomed the snooze bit.
Two days a week I have to get up at 7am - to clean up before my 'lady who does ' comes and on those days I wake up and get up - grumpily - at 6.30 am.
It's a hard life:)

Diane said...

All my years at home, my Dad was my alarm clock. Try hitting 'snooze' on that! That clock strikes back . . .

Susan in the Boonies said...

Snatcher of dreams...night-buster....

It's the birdies who have it in for me here in the boonies.

Sooze likes to Snooze, but Snoozing eludes Sooze when the Cardinal Cries and the Bluejay Bellows.

Dang birds.

Janice said...

Yes! Yes! I am out here. I wake when I want and arise refreshed! My alarm clock is not allowed to speak, so no lies to me. The birds chatter early in the morning and I love to hear them peep.