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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why Yes, I'd Love a Bite, or Squeak Toy Harshes Pearl's Buzz


Russell Brand steps out of the fog, carrying a tuna-fish sandwich.  He winks, takes a big bite and says, ‘Ba doo boom boom boom boom boom…’

Startled, I awaken.

I check the clock.

11:28.

It’s become clear to me that the musical cats in the attic are no respecter of time.  Squeak Toy, the all-cat band out of Northeast Minneapolis, having lured me, with gin and lime slices, into renting it to them with promises of cash and coat-tail fame, is practicing.

I can hear them up there:  Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, on violin; Stumpy “Lucky” Strikes on drums; Ignatz D. Katz on upright bass; and a large, long-haired cat on piano introduced to me only as “Hairball”.

I sit up, put my glasses on, reach for my cell phone.

“It’s very late,” I write.

The ping informing me of a return text is surprisingly quick.  “no one uses punctuation anymore pearl”.

Impertinent kitty.

“No one spells out “punctuation” in a text.  Shut it down for the night!”

Ping!

“pearl! dear old old pearl.  its not even midnight”

Desperately clinging to the last vestiges of sleep, I sigh and give it one more shot.  “Liza, what do we do on Saturday mornings?”

Ping!

“u wouldnt”

“I would, and I shall.”

Saturday mornings: where the amber-colored light of the weekend lays on the hardwood floors and the half-and-half is poured into garage-sale china saucers.  Liza Bean Bitey loves that little spot of cream, licks it carefully from her whiskers and staggers, dairy-saturated, into the living room, where she settles down onto a spot of sun-warmed floor and closes her eyes, smiling and Buddha-like. 

There is the sound of raucous laughter from the attic, and shortly after that, the sound of padded feet on stairs.

I fall back asleep, where Russell hands me half a sandwich.  

30 comments:

the walking man said...

Never stifle art for a half of a sandwich Pearl...or sleep for that matter. Work places are for sleep music makes the world go round.

Symdaddy said...

Russell Brand?

Oh, puh-leeeeeze!

Why can't you admit that you have dreams about me?

Regards to the 'band'! I love a good catawaul!

Shelly said...

Is Squeak Toy the band that recorded Catnip Fever?

Symdaddy said...

Stop encouraging her Shelly!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It's good to have a backup plan to call on at times of sleep deprivation. If kitty wants her dairy she has to play the game.

esbboston said...

Cats wiLL be cats.

My dog is being fussy this morning about his food. I s'ppose that is better than being fuzzy. My ears hurts.

Nessa Roo said...

What was Russell wearing?

Bodacious Boomer said...

Felines can be so inconsiderate. That's why I have dogs...

vanilla said...

I can almost hear the band playing! Pearl is never so sleepy that she fails to observe and note for future telling of the tale.
Reminded me, this winter, son visits, sleeps on other side of curtain in RV, pinging of texts on his phone well past 11:28 p.m. *grrr*

Pearl said...

The walking man, whilst I would normally agree with you, my grasp on sleep is such a weak and ephemeral thing that when it’s interrupted I could weep with loss!

Sym, I thought we had agreed to keep our relationship secret. Now you’ve ruined it. Ruined it!!

Shelly, one in the same! (They’ll be playing up at The Nip and The Saucer this weekend, if you’re free…)

Sym, :-)

Delores, this is what I’m saying. Everyone plays the game – but it’s not always the same game…

Esb, a dog fussy about food? You’re putting me on, right? :-)

Nessa, ahhh. Those leather pants. You know the ones. *sigh* I know he’s a rake, but I love him.

Bodacious Boomer, I’ve never had a dog, but if I did, I suspect it would steal my car. :-)

Pearl said...

vanilla, that made me laugh. And the band? You do actually want to hear them playing, but you'll want to keep your hand on your wallet: they tend to attract a potentially unsavory element...

Mandy_Fish said...

Russel Brand IS dreamy.

Pat said...

You've got her number alrighty.
BTW I've given up on the Russell creature and feel free to tell him.

Leenie said...

I say the combination of Russell Brand and a tuna fish sandwich is just the beginning of a horror-filled nightmare. You should have thanked Squeak Toy for the rescue and stayed up to jam with them.

Simply Suthern said...

You let Russell Brand in your dream and A cat named "Hairball" in your house??

You are making some poor choices young Lady.

Watch your step in the morning.

Pearl said...

Mandy, isn't he? Clever, good-looking and disreputable. Just how I like 'em. :-)

Pat, I shall. I know he'll be hurt -- he says nothing but good things about you.

Leenie, :-) That's not a bad idea.

Simply, you know, I hadn't looked at it like that. :-)

Craver Vii said...

My dog -- the naked pup with a toothy grin-- sometimes disrupts my sleep by barking an alarm over rustling leaves or imagined trespassers. That barking pierces right through my ear plugs. It's no fun to have your sleep disturbed. But if I had any kind of dream with Russell Brand, I would be too freaked out to get back to bed.

Pearl said...

Craver, I love that pup! Not for waking you up, of course, but because she has such a grin. As for Russell Brand, he's mine. Hands off. :-)

Joanne said...

So they are a little older and wiser, and maybe you did get it in writing. Or else Liza loves half and half more than music.

Pearl said...

Joanne, I really do have to post the lease. Those cats know how to negotiate...

jenny_o said...

Leverage: you haz it :)

Love it.

Pearl said...

jenny_o, funny girl!!

Eva Gallant said...

Now where is Molly G during all this? Or is she the vocalist? (with a lisp?)

Pearl said...

Eva, Dolly is curled up and dreaming of legless mice. :-)

vanilla said...

After reading these comments I did have to Wikipedia Russell Brand. Never 'eard uv 'im. Who knew?

(See, there's an admission: vanilla doesn't know everything.)

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Life with Liza Bean as a roomy is so complicated. Roommates on the whole are a pain-in-the-neck in my book. Someone has to move on. I mean really: tunafish sandwiches in bed at midnight?????
Rosemary

HermanTurnip said...

Kitty bribes (or the threat of a lack of bribes) will cure nearly every cat of their misbehaving ways...

...at least for a few minutes.

BTW: Think you could hook me up with a signed band photo of Squeak Toy? I dug their last remix of "I Don't Want Nuthin' (Except For What You Got)", and am looking forward to the next full length album.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Russel Brand in a dream, not bad at all. If he gets really annoying, you can always wake up.

The Elephant's Child said...

Half and half - too weak for the only dairy loving cat here. And the other one refuses dairy in any form.

NellieVaughn said...

Russell Brand would be a great opening act for the band. Make the crowd laugh before Liza blows their minds.