Sometimes, the things my friends say make me pull out my book and write them down. This was one of those times.
“Good morning, Acme Gravel and Grommets, Pearl speaking.”
“Yes, I’d like to order four gravels and a grommet, please.”
I hiss at Mary in a mock display of anger: “I told you to never call me here.”
“Yeah, well,” she says, “You keep answering, this sort of thing will happen.”
“Hmm,” I say, pretending to write it down. “Stop answering phone during day.”
In the background come the sounds of birds, the crunching of feet on a path.
“Yeah. Dang dog makes me walk him.”
“He’s a terrible animal.”
She laughs. “He is, isn’t he?” In my mind’s eye, I see her bend over, ruffle the hair around the dog’s neck in a maneuver she calls “givin’ T the business”. “Who’s a terrible animal? Huh? Who’s a big terrible animal?”
It’s safe to assume that T-Bone agrees, repeatedly, with his master in his overall terrible-ness.
“And what are you doing this morning??”
“Oh, you know,” I say, “the usual work-ly things. I have a report that –“
“Holy Hannah,” Mary interjects. “I have to let you go. I think we're pooping in someone’s yard.”
And we both laugh. “Hey!” I say, “we don’t talk like that!”
“You know what I mean,” she says, her smile audible. “Have a good day,
“You, too, Mary.”