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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Hey, Does This Smell Weird to You?


The ventilation system above my desk has taken on an hypnotic, roaring quality, and I close my eyes in defeat.  I want, desperately, to be anywhere but at work, or, for that part, in my own body.

A small sound catches my ear, and I turn around in time to witness Female Intern, hereinafter referred to as “Fi”, inspecting her feet.

So help me, she has taken off her shoes and is staring intently at her toes.

Our eyes meet, and we burst out laughing.

“Something smells over here,” she says, smiling the beatific smile of the young and spirited, “and it’s definitely my feet.”

There is a moment’s silence as we stare at each other, grinning. “Do you want my foot spray?” I ask her.  I have taken my role as Experienced Office Worker seriously and now have on stock a can of organic chili, gum, a jar of peanuts, headache medicine, a powdered foot spray, and, for reasons that escape me at the moment, roughly 700 Starbucks napkins.

She considers my offer of the foot spray, shakes her head.  “Nah,” she says.  “But – Seriously.  You don’t smell that, do you?”

Having raised a boy, I have been fooled many, many times by the “Hey, smell this” gambit, but life is all about risks, am I right?  I am thinking that if Fi’s feet smell of anything it is probably cotton candy or puppies.  I take a cautious sniff.  “Sorry, no.  I don’t smell anything from here.”

She sighs, sticks her nose in one shoe.  “It’s criminal,” she says, finally, into the shoe.  “Nothing should smell like this.”  She puts them back on, an adorable pair of cloth slippers no doubt handcrafted by elves and left outside her bedroom door. 

She smiles at me.

“I’m going to write about you, you know,” I say.

“About my feet?”

“Yes.”

She grins.  “My mom’s going to be so proud.”

55 comments:

Shelly said...

I, too, have been taken in by the, "Hey does this smell funny to you?" scam. One of the benefits of being 50 is the wisdom it tows with it.

Vicus Scurra said...

You are just touting for hits aren't you? Foot fetishists from all continents will be here before the end of the day.

Diane said...

Just last night, I fell victim to the more outrageous cousin of 'Hey, smell this!' You know, 'Oooh, this stinks! Here, smell it!' How old do you suppose I'll be when I stop smelling 'it'? Sigh.

Pearl said...

Shelly, I know! I can't believe how smart we keep getting!

Vicus, wait'll you get a load of my post on leather boys with chocolate frosting fixations...

Diane, with age comes discernment. :-) I'm pretty sure...

fmcgmccllc said...

Polished or unpolished?

Pearl said...

fmcgmcclc, them li'l piggies were polished. :-)

R. Jacob said...

Now she will do something new each day hoping for a mention. Do you also have drink stirrers left over from the frequent office parties? Now that would be a story!

Pearl said...

R., the drink stirrers were let go in the last go 'round of reorganizing. :-)

Brian Miller said...

some people scare me...others terrify me...i am sure her mom will be proud...smiles.

Pearl said...

Brian, :-) I'm not afraid of her feet, but I am still in awe of her ability to eat that one apple all day long...

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

It's only just now occurred to her that her feet smell? Why now? Why you? Why not take avantage of the spray foot powder? So many unanswered questions....the plot thickens (along with the air).

TexWisGirl said...

you're too cute. :)

Pearl said...

Delores, I think it's because we're at the point in the year where we can wear shoes without socks -- big difference between wearing heels without socks and wearing, say, socks and boots. :-) She tried my foot spray before and it made her feet "too slippery".

TexWisGirl, :-D Smiling big over here! Thank you!

joeh said...

I have a food rule; if someone asks does this smell funny, don't smell it, just throw it out.

Cranky Old MAn

Mr. Charleston said...

Don't you just hate it when the ventilator drone puts you to sleep mid-afternoon? I hate working in an office but, alas, it looks like I may be again soon... gotta have a job you know. That is... unless you know of some wealthy good old girl looking for a good time. ;)

fishducky said...

"Here, smell this" beats "Here, taste this" any day!

Indigo Roth said...

Oi! Pearl! I wanna word with you!

"700 Starbucks napkins"

Maybe this was why there was none at my local branch at lunchtime. When I spilled a frap everywhere?! Darn you to heck!

Roth x

Joshua said...

That was me. My bad.

haphazardlife said...

Our ventilation has recently taken to sounding like bongos. Go figure.

bill lisleman said...

LOL - she must come from a family of strong feet and not in a good way.

Joanne said...

This brave new world is like falling down the rabbit hole. I recognize very little and certainly not feet without pantyhose! Just because I'm wearing sandles, jeans and T shirt doesn't mean it can show up in an office. An office in a high rise. 40 floors up.

Pearl said...

joeh, I'm a slow learner. It wasn't long ago that my son got me to smell something he suspected of having "turned"...

Mr. Charleston, shoot, you meet someone like that, let me in on it and we'll go 50/50!

fishducky, oh, I stopped falling for the "here, taste this" a long time ago!! (And I STILL won't eat braunschweiger...)

Indigo, language, sir! Language!!

Joshua, somehow, I knew it would be you that stepped forward. :-)

haphazardlife, that's weird, because I'm missing a bongo player...

bill, and she's unbelievably cute. That's the fun part...

Joanne, it's true. Very very few of the gals in their 20s and 30s wear nylons...

Leenie said...

Organic chili gum?????

Oh. Never mind.

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

Is she sure she didn't step in dog poo?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

She sure is forthcoming, isn't she?

ThreeOldKeys said...

Fi Fi Fo Fum
It's feet or organic chili gum.

(with thanks to Leenie)

Bodacious Boomer said...

Nothing like smelly feet. When our grown son travels with us and he takes his shoes off, the shoes stay outside the room.

jenny_o said...

There's nothing quite like stinky feet. It has an essence all its own. And by essence I mean horrendous olfactory experience :)

esbboston said...

So ... I figured out by the end of the first paragraph that it would be okay if your body was at work as long as you were no longer in it. At least I think I understand your logic.

Hope you are doing sweLL!!! I am downtown working today.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Her mom will be so proud? I bet she also has delicate shoes and dainty feet that smell like cotton candy or puppies. I'm glad I don't work with either of them. Better you than me, Pearl.

xoRobyn

Gigi said...

Boy Fi has a lot to learn! Tell her to put baby powder in the shoes before she comes to work. It helps.

Jono said...

You could start calling her "Stinky." I would guess that in time she will find that annoying and change her habits. Or not.

Beach Bum said...

Like the little dragon said on Disney's "Mulan" about smelly feet, I actually like that corn chip smell.

Eva Gallant said...

I think Fi is guilty of offering TMI. Yikes!

Belle said...

I sprinkle baking soda in my shoes. Works like a charm!

Old Bitter Balls said...

You should smell my cock.

klahanie said...

Aha, well she should try smelling some of the cheese I buy and I reckon, no contest! Having said that, my son's trainers have a life of there own and it really is a question of putting your worst foot forward...

Ms Sparrow said...

My third daughter had (and still has) smelly feet. When she first started walking and wore her cute little baby shoes, I would set her on my lap at bedtime to take them off. A purple cloud of overpowering odor would emanate from those little shoes and bowl me over. It was really funny!

Daisy said...

A little boy I knew - when forced by his mom to change his socks that were getting stiff as well as smelly - would whip them off, hold them in the air and say: "sniff and die"! Of course, we all played the game and yelled: "Noooo!" as we ran to different rooms!

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Don't you think it a little strange to have a fellow worker ask you to smell her shoes or herfeet?

If not, It must be a rather strange working environment.

What's next?

Smell my panties, I think I've farted?

Juli said...

I have also become the "girl who has everything in her desk" girl at work. It is a bummer though when I actually need a band-aid and the staff has wiped me clean out.

Grrr....

Jocelyn said...

It might be good policy to insist on a mandatory foot spraying for all new interns. I mean, just to ward off situations like this one.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

You made her day! FI should now be known as Stinky Feet, or Sft for short.

Diane said...

"Does this smell weird to you?" beats "pull my finger" every time.

PattiKen said...

I absolutely LOVE this. Truly.

Jay Ferris said...

You're inviting an entirely new breed of creep to your blog's doorstep by posting about young, smelly feet.

And that creep is me. *wink* *sniff*

The Elephant's Child said...

Fi's mother's expectations aren't high are they?

NotesFromAbroad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NotesFromAbroad said...

What luck to have someone like Fi working nearby. My memories of being young and working in an office, seem to be all about Men much older than I , telling me or asking me things that were totally inappropriate
Jay Ferris cracked me up with his comment.
Thanks Jay !

MJenks said...

Working in a chemistry lab, at this point, if it doesn't smell like cancer or fire, I ignore it.

But, Fi, my dear, if your feet smell that badly, you might want to look into anti-fungals. Here speaks the voice of experience.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, as the main office shaker and mover (S&M) (yes, you can use it) it's up to you to tell Fi not to step in any more doggie-do on the way to the office. ":)))

River said...

All of my kids from age 13 to 16, had the kind of smelly feet that could knock you out at 50 paces. I spent a small fortune on foot and shoe deodorisers.

Hannah Denski said...

Love it! Now why haven't I thought of that?! Feet deodorant in my desk!? Thanks! :)

NellieVaughn said...

I've noticed that pretty young creatures have smelly feet. It makes me want stinky feet. Maybe then I'll be pretty.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Waving to Fi's mom! "Hi, Mom!!! She's doing a good job: Pearl likes her!"