I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Rating the Days; or Mondays Are Awesome and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves


Mondays are among the more tiresome of the weekdays, don’t you think?

These are the days when the bed has never been quite so comfortable, the kitties quite so adorable, the looming work week quite so, oh, I don’t know – duty-driven.

Don’t get me wrong. I love working, as is required by all Midwesterners; but I can’t help but wonder: Is this all there is?

Surely others are fulfilled by their careers, yes?

Let’s see.

Perhaps I’m doing this wrong.

Get up early. Leave where you’d like to be, follow through on your agreement to rent your brain out by the hour, return home to find that everything you’ve not done there remains, mysteriously, undone; and then, as the plastic bottle says, rinse and repeat.

What am I missing?

Perhaps if there were costumes involved. I’m thinking clown suits on Monday – or perhaps clown suits on payday would be more apropos. What about Cowboy Tuesdays? I like the sound of Naked Thursday, but if we're wearing our birthday suits I suppose I'll have to get some of this ironed...

And is it too late to bring back drinking alcohol in the office on Friday afternoons?

I suspect it is.

It used to be almost commonplace, you know.

At any rate – but particularly at this one – I shall soon be reconsidering my stance on subsistence farming as a career path.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

I’m going to need a tractor, a shack (preferably one with a sauna and separate quarters for the servants), and a herd of chickens.  Ooh, and a gaggle of those ankle-nipping dogs that herd your beasts...

You see?

I’m going to put as much thought into my forthcoming career as a farmer as I did in my current career.

47 comments:

Shelly said...

We already do the costumes at work from time to time, Pajama Day being one I do not participate in, although it is a favorite one during Drug Free Week.

I think even if I were in a job I 100% loved 24/7, Mondays would somehow be unpleasant.

Pearl said...

Shelly, corporate America is down on costumes. I find this to be short-sighted and constraining. :-) Why do they insist upon NOT amusing us during the work day??

R. Jacob said...

Your birthday suit needs a bit of ironing?
Excuse me while I clean up my coffee!
Pearl, you made me laugh and smile!!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Monday used to be my favourite day of the work week...fresh start and all...15 minutes after I got there the whole thing went to hell in a hand basket and didn't improve until 3:00pm Friday.

Camille said...

Oh no,no,no,no, please; no clown suits on Mondays. You know clowns scare the crap out of me. This means I could never leave the house on Mondays. Wwwaaaait a minute...nevermind.

vanilla said...

I do like your farming gig; especially the servants and the sauna.

Susan in the Boonies said...

You mean I was supposed to have actually put some THOUGHT into what I'm doing???

~sigh~

no wonder...

Joshua said...

You lost me at adorable cats.

I would like to extend my hatred of Mondays to Tuesdays thru Fridays as well. I want permanent weekends. And in 30 years, hopefully I'll retire and finally get it.

esbboston said...

You need a career where thoughts are the sole product. (I thought you might like that one. In the mean time I think my wife is secretly trying to get all my money to buy half of a refrigerator. What? You didn't have a spare refrigerator to loan me, and just look what happens, alas, I am poor again for a few weeks. I have no to blame but you. Hah, she reaLLy liked yesterday's non-covert have-shovel-will-travel plants recovery mission. I am thinking maybe you shoulda been a Navy Seal.)

Pearl said...

R., then my mission here is complete. :-) If you need me, I'll be under my desk, sleeping.

Delores, I've never enjoy Mondays, probably because my sleeping issues are even a bit issue-ier than normal on a Sunday night!

Camille, see? Really, it works for everyone. You may thank me with one perfect chocolate. Just one. :-)

vanilla, that's not out of line, is it? :-)

Susan, I know, right?! :-) It's amazing how much of my life I've just tripped into. Which probably explains some things...

Pearl said...

Joshua, good to know. "Note to Self: Distract Joshua with kitties". :-)

esb, I'm quite certain in another life I more fully utilized my analytical/think-like-a-criminal abilities, either in the public service arena or as actual criminal. For some reason, I'm finding the Ned Kelly story I'm reading to be sounding familiar... Will keep half an eye out for half a fridge for you...

Eva Gallant said...

Reading this post almost made me feel guilty about being retired. I have permanent weekends, I just can't afford to clelebrate them as I deserve!

Jenn Jilks said...

I love being retired!
We live frugally, don't travel, but I'm scheduled for a massage today.
Life is good!
Greetings from Cottage Country!
P.S. Horrible temperatures. I'd rather it hadn't warmed up to tease us!

jenny_o said...

You mean to tell me that Liza Bean and Dolly Gee DON'T do the housework while you are gone? Next you're going to say they shed all day or cause their litter boxes to be cleaned or in some other way add to the work you didn't get done before you left ... tsk

Signed,
jenny's cats

Pearl said...

Eva, actually unstructured time is not my friend. :-) I need a way to work less and play more while still being held accountable...

Jenn, it now feels like we're being ripped off, doesn't it?!

Jenny's Cats, I do kinda wonder what they're doing, because it sure isn't the dishes. Hmm. Would it be wrong to set up a Nanny Cam on the little buggers?

bruce said...

i love Mondays!
i love my job!

i love to lie to myself!

thanks for the Monday laugh!

Pearl said...

Bruce, lying to one's self is a workplace necessity!

fishducky said...

I'm 77 & for many years my life has been a permanent weekend. It took about 2 weeks to get used to it!

L-Kat said...

Will you hire me for your farm? I have experience with farm animals. The sheep might want to kill me, but other than that, we should be safe.

CarrieBoo said...

Ugh. Do I really have to go back to work one day? Roz is doing a good job of aging me in the meantime.

(Can't believe the tale of the 9 plants! The audacity of some people. Kudos on the recovery. I hope they came back... eventually.)

jabblog said...

The week improves as it wears on and is positively joyous by Friday afternoon:-)

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, you're a natural farmer. First thing you said was "I need a tractor".
That cinched it. Any tractor-lovin' woman is a clever rural girl... and you'll find it's way better than selling 'yer brain for peanuts even if there's nekkid Thursday....

Tom G. said...

I thought about subsistence farming, as a career change, but decided that Minnesota probably wasn't the place to try it. I'd have to move south to someplace like Missouri, and I don't think I could handle all the humidity down there. That's why I decided instead on bootlegging.

bill lisleman said...

Love the costume theme day idea. It would be fun but even that could get routine. Damn clowns shoes stuck on the escalator again!
I think the career of superhero has the most promise.

Pat Tillett said...

Great post Pearl!
For the most part, I loved my job. Loved what I did, who I worked for, and who I worked with. Loved it!
Then the last year or so EVERYTHING changed and now I really love NOT working!

Douglas said...

You can count on my vote for Naked Thursdays. In fact, that should be a two day costume... Thursday and Friday. Just think how ready for the weekend the employees would be! Not to mention Friday Happy Hour at the local pubs.

I had a friend a number of decades ago who maintained that it was best to "compute naked." I declined to participate at the time and was afraid to sit in his computer chair after that announcement.

We could bring a towel to work on those days, however...

Pearl said...

fishducky, some day, I hope to be in your shoes!

L-Kat, I spoke with members of the sheep coalition about you and I swear that they winked at each other. Bring a mask. :-)

CarrieBoo, I hate to say this, but the poor plants did NOT recover. HOnestly, they were dang-near dead when I took them back. I felt guilty about that, then, but they clearly hadn't been cared for there and I hope the holes they returned to freaked 'em out.

jabblog, the week gets better, the food tastes better, and my friends all become more clever!

Raymond, I wonder how long it takes to adjust from city life to country? I'll bet the silence is deafening.

Tom G., excellent idea! I don't have the constitution for bootlegging, but the moneylaundering business keeps me busy. :-)

bill, I think you'd look dashing in a cape.

Pat, I look forward to having the opportunity to learn that for myself!

Douglas, when you're talking about nudity, the first thing you talk about is the need for a towel. The second thing you talk about is getting rid of the wicker furniture.

SparkleFarkle said...

After reading and rereading your blog entry, I can't help but think Mickey Mouse DID have the right idea. Remember his club? (Yes, a BIG "Amen!" to me practicing smiling like trouty-mouthed Cheryl after each and every episode. How 'bout you?) Each day of the week had a special show theme, which was reflected in the various segments. (Monday - Fun with Music, Tuesday - Guest Star, Wednesday - Anything Can Happen, Thursday - Circus, and Friday - Talent Round-up)

Ah, those were the days, my friend...

If we ever get around to theme-ing things up again, I'm all for bringing back the Mouseketeer Roll Call, too. I'd love to daily introduce myself by name to anyone who'd listen.


P.S. If you actually do the farming thing within the week, thanks ahead for putting me down for a baby chick --preferably a coloured one. Easter, ya know? I'm just saying.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! I want a herd of chickens too! They'd have to be better than the cows that mill around outside my window. Tho to be honest, being on the third floor, I take my hat off to their tenacity. Indigo x

Joanne said...

Before I feel too sorry, I remind myself I earned this retirement--with a part time job to get by. Although that's for sanity as well as dollars. I figure not everyone willl take the world by storm and the rest of us have to be doing something, anyway.

fishducky said...

Pearl--Re your comment: fishducky, some day, I hope to be in your shoes! I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR SHOES ANY MORE!!

Beach Bum said...

At any rate – but particularly at this one – I shall soon be reconsidering my stance on subsistence farming as a career path.

Part of my multitude of sailing fantasies involves locating some isolated rock in the ocean and deciding to live there well away from civilization. Now realistically, that fantasy is far more off the wall than the sailing one since while there are thousands of islands all over the planet those uninhabited rocks are uninhabited for a reason.

Ms Sparrow said...

Just keep telling yourself, "Put one foot in front of the other...". I would drag by bones out of bed and into the shower longing for the day I could retire and sleep late. Now, I get up at the same time as when I was working! Go figure!

NotesFromAbroad said...

Someone told me once, that she liked to have a flirtation going with a man at work ( apparently any man would do ) .. it gave her something fun to look forward to each day .
Although if I were you, flirting with the mail boy would not justify leaving the kitties behind in the warm bed ..

Happy Frog and I said...

I loved this post Pearl. I've never known what I want to do for a living and I probably never will but today was the first Monday this year I didn't dread because I had the day off and it was excellent. If only every week could be like that.

Susan Kane said...

I am all for Pajamas any day of the week. Being a farmer is more work than anyone knows; it is a non-stop working job. But, my dad loved it.

Gigi said...

Put some thought into it.....hmmm. WHY didn't anyone tell me that WAY back when?!

Crack You Whip said...

Sadly, I sleep pretty late every day and I feel ashamed now. I'm not sure what a gaggle is, but I probably need one too!

You are amazing with your tractor needing self!

darlin said...

You go girlfriend! And when you find that iron, please let me know where you got it from, price is no object if you find such a thing! Can I come for a sleepover on the farm? I'd love to meet the ranch-hands, all tanned and muscular, ya that's what I'd like to do. Have a great week and btw, the clown suit would also become a bit routine after a while, so the costumes you could switch up every Monday, Halloween Monday's at the office. :-)

Cheers.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

I think that you would have a much better chance of getting approval for Naked Thursdays were the alcohol Fridays reinstated.....or, perhaps alcohol on Thursdays and Naked Fridays???? Yup, that might just work.

Crystal Pistol said...

I loved loved loved the part about ironing some of this. Very funny.

For a moment I thought I read that your would have dogs to herd the BREASTS. But I was mistaken. You had written BEASTS. Yes. That makes far more sense than what I said. :)

NellieVaughn said...

Mondays are the best. That's when I allow myself to smoke and drink more coffee than usual.

River said...

Mondays should be abolished.
Of course then we'd probably all get Tuesdayitis.

the walking man said...

Mondays, Saturdays--as long as you don't wind up in the penitentiary it's all good.

Shrinky said...

I think you should don a Wonder Woman costume to work every Monday, whether they deem it a costume day, or not. It'll raise your spirits and might also double up to eventually get you fired - what more could you ask?

Meh, I never thought I'd say it, but there are times (not often) I actually miss working. Usually when I'm shoving the toilet brush down the S bend, scrubbing my loo's, that sort of thing.

I like this farming idea of yours, in fact, coincidentally, I have just posted about an ideal opening you might be in..

Diane said...

And as a sop to the 'green' conventions, don't forget, with your farm of chickens and herding dogs, that you will also need at least one pig. The perfect recycling machine. Food scraps in. Pork chops out. No farm is complete without it. I understand, with your extensive planning that you may have overlooked this little gem . . . .
Your welcome.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, the silence is heavenly ":)