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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Might Be Time For Another Party

While you’ve heard, I suspect, enough about Mary to be able to pick her out of a crowd, you’ve not properly met Maryna.

You remember Maryna, don’t you? She’s the one with the herring/beet/potato salad, offered to you here, at her request, with the words “Tell them “try”. Ees very good.”

She’s also the one who believes that my car is, and I quote, “a piece of sheet”.

To her credit, the woman speaks the truth. In many ways, it is a piece of sheet, and I do not take offense to an honestly spoken opinion.

There are two things you must know about Maryna: 1.) she is Ukrainian and 2.) she knows how to party.

Let us go back, shall we, to the last party I had: Misfit Christmas.

Ahh, Christmas. Remember how excited we were that there would be plenty of snow?

What were we thinking?

But it was all so much fun. There was the Dice Game where we gave away and then stole back gifts. There were platters of food covering every available surface. And there was Dolly Gee Squeakers, who wore the evening like a crown of thorns and sprawled, catnip-fogged, on an armchair.

The party broke up around 2:15. Maryna hadn’t had a drink in two hours and we were sitting in her car, engine running, when the phone call came.


Shoot. I knew I shouldn’t have answered it.


“Mom! Hi! Hey, is the party – hey! Shut up you guys! I’m talkin’ to my mom! – Is the party still going on?”

“Nope. Ya missed it. It’s just me and Maryna sitting here and –“

“Yeah,” he breaks in. “Look, we’re all pretty drunk and I’m bringing a party home from the bar --”

“What?! No, you’re not! Wait – who’s driving?”

“Becky. It’s her turn to be sober. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

Such good kids.

“No! Wait!”



Maryna starts laughing. “Ees good, ees like een Kiev. We parrty all night, my mom geet up and cook for us.”  She pauses. “Ees enough for them leek plates in keetchen, yes?”

And then we both laugh. Let the little party-crashers lick the plates.

We are still sitting in her car when they arrive. Boy-men, their young, slender dates waiting in the car, push their faces into the windows, their breath sending up white, billowing beer-scented clouds. “Hey, Pearl! Thanks for letting us – hey! Who’s the hot chick?”

Maryna smiles, black eyes dancing. “Wot? You see hot cheek?!”

“Whoa, dude! Hot Russian chick!”

Maryna turns to me. “Maybe we go een for one more. Ees good for ego.”

And over the course of the next four hours, while we chain-smoke Virginia Slims and Maryna talks a drunk and flirtatious man I’ve known since he was eight out of a bottle of champagne, we sit on my second-floor porch, wearing boots and hats, covered in blankets, the temperature hovering around 15 degrees…

I go to bed at 6:30, as the sun comes up, leaving The Boy and Maryna out on the porch, where they continue to debate government fiscal policy and his theory on face-wrinkling and the role accents play in it.

Maryna is gone when I awake at 10:00, but there is a message on my phone:

“My dear, I loff you so moch. I tell your boy I am hungry and he mek me scrambled egg before I leave. Ees like home. I never forget.”

There is a "kiss-kiss" sound and she hangs up.

That Maryna. She does know how to party.


Anonymous said...

Tell Dolly Gee for me that she looks fabulous dahling, although, I would have liked to see the Daisy Duke shorts on her. I send her virtual string.
It's sweet that your Boy likes his Momma's parties and makes scrambled eggs for her friend.

That gentleman's lady said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
That gentleman's lady said...

Seems that she sure does know how to party, and so do you, if you were up till 6:30 am with her! Go Pearl!

Daisy said...

Nothing and no one knows how to relax as well as a cat!

Sounds like a great party, Pearl. When is the next one?????

R. Jacob said...

I hope I get an invite to the next party!

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Nothing like an all-nighter! ":)

esbboston said...

ActuaLLy, your automobile is partiaLLy sheet metal.

chlost said...

It is truly a milestone in life when your child and your friend can party together all night. You have a much more interesting life than I am living. Party on!

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Family, friends, big old' fat cat, and a sheety old car, you certainly got the life, Pearl. Marvelous story.

Lynn said...

Love that cat and your story!

fishducky said...

Dolly Gee is GORGEOUS--but she already knows that!!

Anonymous said...

"And there was Dolly Gee Squeakers, who wore the evening like a crown of thorns and sprawled, catnip-fogged, on an armchair." I love that line! Maybe it's because I recognize the look in her eyes and I know the feeling.

the walking man said...

Once a year right? I would move Christmas in Minnesota to June and then party to the fourth of July. Unless of course you were drinking vodka shots, then 15 degrees would be about right. Party Pearl the wonder girl!

jenny_o said...

But do the little boogers ever offer to make scrambled eggs for their mommas? Nooooooooo, they do not!

SherilinR said...

it's nice when you've raised your son well enough that he'll fix food for your friends, even if he's drunk. though, i'm guessing his cooking skills may have been questionable at that point.

mary i said...

Love this story! The picture of the Great Dolly Gee made me snort coffee. Gotta love a kitty on 'nip :)

Lo said...

Gorgeous post....gorgeous cat!

I love ya', Pearl!

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! Good grief, Maryna sounds more of a handful than a barrowload of badgers. And I though those guys knew how to party. Indigo x

Shelly said...

Dolly G. Squeakers is GORGEOUS!

Linda O'Connell said...

Girl, you do know how to party, wrapped in blankets on a porch. Dolly is a doll!

The Elephant's Child said...

I don't know whether I love Dolly Gee of Maryna more. Both would be more than welcome to drop by.

mapstew said...

Ees gud!

(The band went to Russia eight years ago, BEST PARTIES EVER! Oh, and we did some gigs!) :¬)


Jo-Anne's Rambling said...

Nothing like a good party, it sure beats the moring after for most people..........yes most people some of us do not get hangovers

HermanTurnip said...

Maryna sounds like an *awesome* person! Man, can she adopt me?

Cloudia said...

keees keees & Warm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } (°>


Steadfast Ahoy! said...

The cocoon of blankets on the porch...I want to do that! at night, in the winter!!! I guess having imbibed lots would make it even better and cold, bubbling Champagne would be the ticket. Please invite me next Christmas. I'll bring Party Popcorn to share and my own Champagne.

Jadzia@Toddlerisms said...

Oh my God that sounds like fun. Brings back memories of very late nights freezing our butts off in Duluth. Gotta drink to stay warm!

CarrieBoo said...

Pearl's house... this Friday... say 8pm? ;) What a beaut.

ThreeOldKeys said...

... i bet you laugh a lot, every day ... when i need a chuckle, i check out what wacky wordsmittery pearl has posted.

thank you!

NotesFromAbroad said...

I don't know why but this made me cry.
Maybe it is Maryna saying ..ees like home.

I loff you too :)

Susan in the Boonies said...

Golly Gee, I love Dolley G. And Marnya. I love her, too.

Anonymous said...

That's it, I am speaking with a French accent from now on. I want someone to talk to me until I get bored of talking, and then make me breakfast. What a sweet boy you have there.