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Monday, April 30, 2012

The Cat Wants to Borrow What Now?

The cat lies in the shaded cool of the ferns, her eyes dreamily half-lidded. An hysteria of sparrows, commuting from one yard to the next, pass overhead, just feet from curved-claw death.

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) yawns elaborately, a show of white teeth and curled, pink tongue.

“Silly birds,” she pronounces.

Liza Bean blinks lazily against the dappled sunshine, a study in nonchalance.

Apropos of nothing and seemingly directed into the air: “Will the car be available this evening?”

I set my book down, stare at her until she meets my eye.

She is smiling. Times are tough, and her habit of returning the car with a full tank of gas does not go unnoticed.

And she has noticed this.

“Why?”

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) rolls on to her side, stretches luxuriously; and, in what all the world would perceive to be a casual manner, licks the inside elbow of an extended front leg.

“Why,” she repeats, the word rolling around in her mouth. “A child’s question,” she pronounces.

I sigh. “What time do you need it,” I deadpan.

She smiles. “Ten-ish?”

“Ten-ish?” It’s my turn to repeat. “That’s a little late, don’t you think, for a Sunday night?”

Liza Bean first widens – then narrows – her eyes. “Such manners,” she murmurs.

“Fine,” I say, retrieving my book, first-hand narratives from the Great Age of Sailing. “Don’t wake me when you come back.”

She smiles. “Mmm,” she says, in a tone of voice to which I cannot ascribe an emotion.

Liza Bean stands, stretches, sticking one hind leg out stiffly behind her, then the other. “You know,” she says thoughtfully, “it’s been ages since we had a drink together. You busy after work Monday? Outside of yoga?”

I shake my head in the negative. “What do you have in mind?”

“Welllll,” she says, “I’ve not been to Psycho Suzi’s since they moved it to the river. I hear delightful things.” She pauses. “My treat.”

Now it is my turn to widen, then narrow, my eyes.

Liza Bean holds up a paw. “I’ll hear no more about it,” she says with a small, dismissive wave. “After yoga it is.”

Hmm.

If anyone is looking for me later, I’ll be at the bar.

With a cat.

46 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

A hysteria of sparrows...perfect.
I don't know Pearl..drinking with Liza Bean, on the river side, her treat....I'm nervous. Who's driving?

Pearl said...

Delores, I like that, too. And I'm thinking we'll have to take a taxi...

Simply Suthern said...

Has Liza Bean ever rode the bus with you in the morning? Sounds like she might know a lot of the folks the way she "hears things".

Pearl said...

Simply, if she does, I've not seen her... Hey. That's probably proof right there that she HAS ridden the bus...

Bossy Betty said...

So, let me get this straight: You sometimes go to the bar without a cat? Whoa! Now that's weird.

Pearl said...

Betty, THIS is why I enjoy you so much. :-)

esbboston said...

One would think that a person and a cat in a bar would be easy to spot, unique, but some nights, especiaLLy Purrs(thurs)days, you would be surprised what shows up then lingers at the Olive Garden.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Her treat?? Liza Bean is so cool. I can't get my cat Gus to turn off The Sports Channel long enough to even consider a night on the town. I hope you two have a great evening together!

fishducky said...

Just curious--what is the legal drinking age for cats in Minnesota? Oh, wait, I just remembered, she has a driver's license--YOURS!!

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Liza Bean could teach my cats a thing or two about good manners. I'm still dripping blood from clipping their nails this morning. How stupid! I should've taken them to the beauty parlor.

Ms Sparrow said...

Psycho Suzie's sounds like the perfect venue for boozing with one's cat! Have fun!

B.E. Earl said...

Our cats prefer staying home and drinking to excess. It's nearly noon now and all four of them are still passed out. Bums.

Pearl said...

esb, I love that: Purrsdays.

Dr. McCoy, we're bound to. :-)

fishducky, cats in MN are not covered by our legal drinking age laws. That said, yes, the little hairball has my driver's license... :-)

Susan, you have more nerve than I do. I've never clipped a cat's claws!

Ms. Sparrow, we go there just because she likes to get drunk and jump onto/into the wooden masks...

B.E., this would be the perfect time, then, to dip their little paws in warm water...

Leenie said...

Liza Bean lives a much more exciting life than Thomas. He thinks an evening under the coffee table with his tail in the line of traffic is living dangerously.

Pearl said...

Leenie, :-) Have you checked Thomas' cell phone bills? I think you'll find there's more to the ol tom than you suspected...

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Just watch that she isn't loading shovels and large garbage bags into the back seat of the car. That isn't a date, that is a body removal.

Leenie said...

Hmmm...that may explain a LOT of things.

Sioux said...

First-hand narratives from the sailing days? Really? You desperately need a night out.

The Jules said...

She hasn't got a driver?

I'm surprised.

Amber Star said...

I'm with Sioux about your needing a night out, but Liza Bean is such a strange little cat. Watch out for catnip in your drink. It can cause unruly behavior in humans I hear.

TexWisGirl said...

l.b. sounds like my kinda cat. :)

Hannah Denski said...

Love it! I have just a photo that would go with this post! One can just imagine little pest! :)

Pearl said...

Cal, I like how you think.

Leenie, it always does. :-)

Sioux, I ain't myself lately, and that's the truth.

Jules, and you as well, sir: I like how you think.

Amber Star, I always throw a napkin over my drink when I run to the bathroom. That should work, right?!

TexWisGirl, I've written a disturbing amount of stuff on her. Clearly, I DO need to get out more often...

Hannah, I shoulda posted a pic of the real li'l Bitey. :-)

Joanne said...

It was warm enough in Minneapolis over the weekend to read a book outside? You're holding out on us.

Lo said...

I have no funny remarks to leave you....just heartfelt thanks for your blogs. I adore Liza Bean and You.

Esther Montgomery said...

I'd be wary about her motives if I were you.

Jayne Martin said...

Liza Bean seems to be flush with cash these days. Her adventures never fail to intrigue me. Nice one, Pearl.

Pearl said...

Joanne, we promise to send a little north soon!

Oh, Lo. The feeling is reciprocated.

Esther, it's my first thought every morning. :-)

Jayne, I'm a little concerned myself...

Heidrun Khokhar said...

What a writer!
I can't imagine my cat wanting any sort of adventure. She lives in a world of dreams, only moving a few times to check out her pad and her earthly needs to be provided by you know who!
smiling and thanks for that:)

Gigi said...

A night out? With Liza Bean?

Hmmm, I'm thinking we should ask Mary to tail you guys, with a camera, to catch the hi-jinks on film(?) (just what would be the right word now that all pictures are digital????) and to have your back....if you know what I mean.

HermanTurnip said...

What, again, does Liza do for a living to be able to afford gas money? She doesn't seem the blue-collar sort...

Bodaciousboomer said...

Liza Bean Bitey. I really love that name.

Eva Gallant said...

Be on aleart. I suspect Liza Bean is up to something; a drink? her treat?

The Elephant's Child said...

It is always a good idea to go out with a cat. Particularly when it is their treat and even more particularly when it is a cat as fascinating as Liza Bean. Have you ever had a boring outing with her?

mary i said...

I love that great CAT!! May I get her autograph? (Please..) So funny made my day (as do you Pearl) Well make sure you have a D.D. Have fun and bring back a cocktail napkin. For the memory book ya'know...

Nezzy said...

I'd say you and Liza Bean make quite the dangerous pair.

Dang...I'm off to buy a cat!!! Heeehehehe!!!

Hey darlin', I just popped over to thank you for hoppin' on my blog. I sure hope ya enjoy the ride!!!

Have a blissfully blessed week sweetie!!! :o)

Daisy said...

How nice of Mz Liza to invite you. Can Dolly go too? A real gal's nite out! Have fun!

Mrs. Tuna said...

How Puuuurrrrfect that she fills the tank. If only my husband do the same.

Diane said...

Man. I knew I should have chosen a cat for my companion. The only place I can get my dog to accompany me is the race track. And it's always a little embarrassing. He knows everyone. All that back-slapping. And he never introduces me!

NellieVaughn said...

My cat never invites me out anymore. He has found new and more exciting friends, he says.

Crystal Pistol said...

"Such manners," indeed. You really should know better by now, Pearl. Never question a cat with a purpose. ;)

Symdaddy said...

Sym will be upset! She was supposed to be going to the movies with him on Monday!

He'd actually 'booked' back row seats!

No! I can't imagine what he had planned!!!

Shrinky said...

I worry as to the source of Liza Bean's apparent recent windfall - um, you DO keep track of your credit rating, don't you..?

Hope you and she weren't out on the tiles ALL NIGHT?

What a purrfectly wonderful post!

Linda O'Connell said...

Psycho Susie's...I think I know the owner, and just may have rubbed elbows with a few of the patrons when I was a young whippersnapper.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, I love the dialogue, not a single meow! Liza Bean Bitey has trained you well. ":)

Susan in the Boonies said...

I worry.

I worry about you, Pearl.

It's the cat.

I just do not trust the cat.