My sister and I used to live together, somewhere in our early-30s. It was a damn good time; and when our sons were away on the weekends, as sometimes happened, we’d use the quiet time to get loud.
Shots of vodka and Rollerblades. Do you have any idea how well these things go together? I do! A drunk on skates has no fear and no compunction against, saying, skating to the grocery store to get smokes.
It’s also how we both learned to spin.
Karen and I are both dancers, both “happy” drinkers, and we’d crank the music up and dance, leaving the room only to answer the phone or go to the bathroom.
I remember going into the bathroom and coming back to see her head in the fridge. There was an odd “pssssssssssst” sound coming from its interior.
“Come ‘ere! Come ‘ere! Wanna know something really tasty?” She held up the Redi-Wip container. “Open your mouth!!”
Ah, why not?! I opened my mouth and Karen filled it full of whipped cream.
“Hey, you wanna know something else cool?”
This made me laugh. If shooting Redi-Wip is cool, what else is cool?!
We sat on the floor in the kitchen and opened a cupboard, whereupon she reached in, all the way to the back, and pulled out a box of saltine crackers and one of those cans of pre-made fudge frosting.
“Put this on ‘ere. Try it.”
Well hot damn, if fudge frosting isn’t good on a cracker!
“Whatcha eatin’” became a joke. We would call each other at work, leaving whispered messages on voice mail: Whatcha eatin’? We would yell at each other through the bathroom door: Hey! Whatcha eatin’?
We’re childish that way.
One day, I was downstairs cleaning the litter box. Exhausted from a day of work and preceding days of cleaning houses, I sat on the floor, hunched over and brain-dead, sifting through the litter box using a large slotted spoon purchased just for such occasions.
Karen walked by me, glanced, kept going – and then stopped, backed up to take a second look.
I can never look at a slotted spoon without remembering that: the sifting of the cat poop, the look on Karen’s face as she asked me what I was eating…
The simplest memories are the best.
You're fucin dumped
3 hours ago