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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mornin', Shortie

A re-worked re-post, while I work on a three-part-er involving Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and the summer she worked as a bouncer.  Enjoy.

“Hey, Stinky.”

“What up, Stumpy?”

I’ve called Mary early this morning – too early, apparently, for us to be concerned with calling each other by our real names.

It is one my personal downfalls – an area where I have the opportunity for growth, some might say – being quite bad with names. I blame it on the number of times we moved as children.

My brother, too, has this hole in his social education. We hear/remember what we deem to be important and leave the rest.

“Hey! Pearl! I saw that guy again the other day.”

“What guy?”

“Oh, you know. What’s-his-lips. The guy with the teeth.”

“And the finger?”


The best part of that conversation, of course, is that I could repeat it to my sister and she’d say, “Oh, yeah! DuWayne! How’s he doin’?”

DuWayne, by the way, is doing fine; and while he’s still missing that finger, he’s thinking of getting front teeth.

And so while I am very good at remembering faces/dance moves/musical preferences, I’m pretty bad at names.

I’m not alone.

Mary’s Jon refers to anyone he can’t remember as “Fuzzy”.

“Mary! Did Fuzzy call?”

Heavy sigh from Mary. She suffers, this one. “Which Fuzzy?”

“Fuzzy Number One. The big Fuzzy.”

She rolls her eyes at me, a smile on her lips. She shakes her head ever so slightly. “Jon, so help me, I’m gonna come over there…”

He winks at me. “Fuzzy! The Fuzzy with the 2002 Chrysler Sebring bumper cover in our living room.”

Jon, a man in blurring, dizzying motion, has hijacked their tiny living room with a replacement bumper cover for one of his many automotive-repair clients.

Mary manages to laugh and threaten him at the same time. “Oh, my God, Jon, I’m gonna kill you. I’m gonna kill you, then I’m gonna make you supper, and then I’m gonna kill you again.”

Jon laughs.

And you can almost hear him thinking:

What’d she just say about supper?


Shelly said...

Ha! Here in the South, we have a cover for forgetting names. We just call everyone "Darlin'", or "Honey", and if worse comes to worse, we just say "Blessyerheart" really fast to mask the fact that we have no recollection what their name really is.

Pearl said...

Shelly, this explains a lot. :-) As a northerner, I am always taken aback by how often, in the south, I'm called "Darlin'". It's hard on our little frostbitten ears...

SherilinR said...

shelly's right about the southern tendency to call everyone sweetie or darlin. i'm a northern woman married to a southern man and i'm not a fan of it at all. if you're gonna call every waitress honey, then you'd better never ever call me honey.
but at least it's better than fuzzy.

Suldog said...

I'm much the same, to the amusement of MY WIFE. I'll rattle off batting statistics for ten dead ballplayers, then she'll say, "What are your cousin's names?", and I slink from the room, defeated.

Symdaddy said...

Names? Yeah, well, I know folks have 'em. Can never remember 'em, but I know they've got 'em.

Got one myself, smattafact. It's ... {checks polo shirt label} ... Lacoste.

esbboston said...

One of the larger industrial complex portions of our downtown with quite a few employees is a place called Fuzzy' Radiator. They produce 'radiators' of varying size, including gigantic heat eXchangers. The last time I visited they had a new robotic gasket cutter.

esbboston said...

Sorry, that's Fuzzy's Radiator.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Bad with names, bad with faces, bad with dates....totally socially unacceptable...yep, that's me fuzzy.

Shrinky said...

Names I'm not so hot on, but faces?? It's downright embarrassing - I can't even recognise my own kids if they're mixed uop with a bunch of others - seriously, you have NO idea how many times I've come home with miles of video footage of the wrong kid, in the Christmas play, and on sports Day. There is a term for this, it's called "Face blind" (or blind as a bat?) - something like that.

fishducky said...

I have a friend who, when asked her OWN name, will reply, "How soon do you need to know?"

Eva Gallant said...

Can't wait to read about Liza Bean's experience as a bouncer!

Douglas said...

I used to think... "A rose by any other name"... but be careful who you call "Rose".

bill lisleman said...

love it.
Did you ever meet What’s-her-hips? She used to hang with What's-his-lips.

mrwriteon said...

I grow increasingly hopeless with name remembering so I resort a lot to 'dear' for females and 'bud' for males. I've even been known to utter 'dude' to younger acquaintances.

Craver Vii said...

What?! How can a person not love those Southern sobriquets? While I am completely incapable of doling out genuine-sounding terms of endearment, I love receiving them. My wife and I used to pick a specific waitress at Baker's Square based on that alone.

jenny_o said...

And why is that our kids think we should remember every single thing they tell us? If we don't, they accuse us of sliding into senility. I think I'll start calling them Fuzzy and Stumpy and see how they like them beans :)

Belle said...

I traveled in the South and when people called me Honey and Sweetie I was touched. My little heart felt warm. The bumper in the living room reminds me of the carburetors on my dining room table. My hubby was always fixing them.

Jono said...

A number of years ago a diminutive woman on the Gunflint Trail used to call around to the resorts for newsworthy information. Everyone she called was named "Honeybunch".

goatman said...

Not too bad for a rework!

We do what we must.

Gigi said...

A three parter? On Liza Bean? Well, she must be thinking she's the cat's meow (what?! SOMEone had to say it!).

I have a terrible memory period.....but with names? Forget it. Shelly's right - we use darlin' for a reason. And not just because we like you.

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Darling, if I forget your name and I call you darling, it just means I have been preoccupied with all of your other wonderful Minnesotan attributes. Tell that to Fizzy (Lizzy) (Lisa) (SweetPea) Bean) ":)

BECKY said...

I'm really good with faces...but not names. Now, my husband....he drives me crazy. "Remember that couple we used to know?" Me: "What couple? When?" Him: Oh you know! The ones in that apartment comples." ETC...And HE gets mad at ME, 'cause I can't figure out who he's referring to! :o

Linda O'Connell said...

You mean what's her name?
I have managed all these years by calling my students honey, buddy, sweetie, when I can't remember a name.

Crystal Pistol said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone in being bad with names. I SUCK at names. I also suck at faces for the first couple of times though too.

I once said to a woman, "It is SO nice to meet you!"

Her response?

"This is the thrid time I've been introduced to you."

Now that's just plain irresponsible. I blame my mother. ;)

NellieVaughn said...

If I can't remember someone's name, I just stop talking to them. This is why I have not a single friend.

Pat said...

I have the same problem. Unfortunately so does MTL so we drive each other nuts about four times a day.