A re-post, while I freckle-up and get just a little blonder before I return to Minnesota...
You know how people say “well, it’s the little things…” and somewhere in the back of your head you find yourself thinking, “Sheesh. That phrase is so old…”?
You know why it’s old?
Because it’s true, dagnabit! It is the little things; and by golly if I have to defend that cliché, I will!
And you know how I feel about clichés, don't you? Why, I avoid them like the plague...
And so I came across one of these "little things" just the other day: my leg-warmers. I’ve been encasing my legs from ankle to mid-thigh in a pair of gray, cable-knit leggings since October now and will no doubt keep them on until all threat of frost has passed, sometime in June.
I keed! I keed! We should be safe from hypothermia by May…
Think of it! Mother Nature wants to kill me. Why, at this very moment, not only am I wearing the foundation garments you would expect on any reasonable female, but also leggings, socks, pants – er, trousers – a camisole, a shirt, a scarf, and a jacket.
And frankly, I feel a little under-dressed, as the jacket’s sleeves are only three-quarters’ length.
The best part about wearing leg warmers, though?
When you finally take them off, wearing only – gasp! – pants, you feel scandalously naked.
Hee! Hee! Hee! No one knows that under my pants my legs are naked!
Oh, and that snickering you hear right now? It’s my readers from across the pond. Apparently the word “pants” to them means “underwear”.
But you know what’s even better than cable-knit leg-warmers?
Are you familiar with driving in the winter, the massive amounts of salty snow and ice that collect within a car’s wheel wells?
Why is the snow salty? Oh, it’s a little service provided by the State of Minnesota. The salt ensures that the ice will melt and that your car will rust properly. No, no, no! No need to thank them. It’s part of what a full-service state will do.
But back to the slush.
When you drive in the snow, loads and loads of it ends up in your wheel wells where it freezes into clumps.
And those clumps, my friends, once you’ve pulled into a parking lot, are an absolute delight to kick from the car. A couple of good kicks and there it goes, hills of filthy ice and snow fall with a satisfying splat.
All across the Great State of Minnesota, parking lots fill with dirty piles of kicked-off car droppings.
So the next time you’re wondering, why in the world do people even bother living in states where the weather tries to kill them with the cold?
Now you know.
Because we love the feeling of kicking large clumps of snow off from under our cars.
And in the summer, we feel like we’re naked.
...In Which I Introduce The Adjective "Penish"
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