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Saturday, January 14, 2012

T's Gone Gaga, or Did I Ever Tell You About the Time I Danced to the Same Beat for 30 Minutes?

I’m worried about T.

You know T, don’t you? The man who abandoned Minnesota for Florida so that he could “work on his tan”? A man who calls for his cat by calling “Who’s so sexy? Who’s so sexy?”? A man with an amusing yet inappropriate love of the slogan tee-shirt (“It’s Not Going to Lick Itself, You Know”)?

T is exhibiting signs of further silliness.

His latest foray into “What the???” territory?

Lady Gaga.



We take you now to a phone conversation already in progress.

”… and so I says to the guy, ‘purple monkey elevator’.”

“Really?” I say. “Good God man but that’s fascinating.”

“You’re just jealous,” he says.

“Me? Surely you have me confused with someone else.” Pause. “OK. I’ll bite. Jealous of what?”

He laughs. “Me and Lady Gaga.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Me. Me and Lady Gaga. We got a thing.”

“A thing, huh? Have you seen a doctor?”

“Again!” he shouts. “Again with the hilarity! What, don’t you want to be one of Lady Gaga’s little monsters?”

I sigh. “I’m going to pretend that I fully understand your babbling while quietly e-mailing the authorities in your neighborhood. Give me your address. No, don’t tax yourself. I’ll look it up. Clearly a full mental work-up is in order.”

“Oh, yeah, baby,” he sighs. “Keep using the words “work-up” and “Lady Gaga” in the same breath, would you? I don’t care how mental it gets.”

I would like to say that T’s embracing of all things “Gaga-like” came out of nowhere, but that’s not true. I once saw him sing along with a Madonna song when he thought I wasn’t looking.

It haunts me.

T, of course, is free to sing along as he likes, dress in affordably priced skirt steak, and encourage large groups of similarly minded people to dance behind him while he lip syncs, while I, being his friend and confidante, quietly and discretely hire a local to set up a tiny camera in his living room.

Who’s the little monster now?

19 comments:

NotesFromAbroad said...

I think I need a T in my life.
I left all my T's behind when we moved to Argentina.
Happy Weekend Pearl !!

Camille said...

I love Lady GaGa. For starters, it's the only time in three decades Ive been called little, so I'll take it where I can get it, you betcha. Have a nice weekend Pearl.

Eva Gallant said...

T "has a thing" with Lady Gaga? That conjures up all kinds of images, and I've never met either of them!

Eva Gallant said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lucy said...

At sea again. Glad I don't know Mr T. (He's probably glad he doesn't know me.) (Well, he would be if he knew I existed.) (Which, fortunately, he doesn't.) (I hope.) I've heard of Lady Gaga but never seen her. I'm not sure if I've heard her. I photograph ivy. Such an exciting life!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Mr. T. can't help it, "he was born this way". I certainly hope his addiction to all things Gaga doesn't lead him into a "bad romance".

jenny_o said...

I wonder, does the meat clothing have more cachet if it's striploin as opposed to, say, minute steak? Questions like that keep me awake at night.

Tempo said...

How embarrassing! I feel for you Pearl, to have a close friend go across to the dark side..
Is it too late for an intervention do you think? We could ambush him in his steak outfit with a pack of dogs to eat the steak right off him while we hit him with endless rounds of ACDC until he comes to his senses...

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

T is a freak.
I think I love him. "So what am I so afraid of?"
(and here you thought I had musical taste ;) )

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Pearl, you have very strange friends. I hope you lock your doors at night!
Rosemary

klahanie said...

Evidently, Lady Gaga has a sister named 'Radio'.
Enjoy your weekend :)

Susan in the Boonies said...

Come closer and I'll whisper a little secret to you in regard to my observations of Lady Gaga, based on an interview or two that I've seen her engage in.

I'm not sure she's the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I think she's the girl that you knew in high school to whom you could say: "You know what would be a totally awesome thing to do? Key the principal's car. Because, I think it would totally make a statement that no one could ignore." And then, she'd be all, "Dude. That is so rad. You are totally right. What could be better than sticking it to the man and keying his car? Because that would really SAY something.".

And then YOU could walk away.

And she'd get the notoriety for doing the idiotic thing.

Win/win.

Belle said...

I doubt there are many men who could handle Lady Gaga, but your friend might be one of them.

Antares Cryptos said...

I have absolutely no idea what this post is about. I thought it was most prudent to inform you of this.

bill lisleman said...

It's fun to join into conversations already in progress.
I reminds of old time radio. Lady Gaga knows how to put on a show. She reminds me of Cher.

Hey it would be great if you could stop by and link-up one of your funny posts in my LLL game.
thanks

Jocelyn said...

I like to think that T will, on his death bed, not voice a single regret.

IndigoWrath said...

Poor T. He's delusional. He'll never have what I have with Martha Stewart. Bad-girl prisoners. Awesome.

Daisy said...

I'm going to have to watch a video of the Lady...I feel so "out of the loop"!

Amy said...

Now was it your description of T or my own mental image that is leading me to think of T as that "Schneider" character from One Day at a Time? Yeah, think he's got a chance with GaGa. Heavily mustached, slightly delusional men seem to go far in life. At least in their own minds.