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Monday, January 30, 2012

Part I: Local Woman Discovers Reason to Go On

I’m feeling particularly Scandinavian lately. Not the pretty, blue-eyed, let’s-take-our-clothes-off-and-sit-in-the-sauna Scandinavian either but the dark, brooding type sitting on an isolated farm off amongst the fjords, throwing knives into the floorboards and whistling eerie, minor-chorded dirges.

Why go on? The world is gray, cold and lifeless. I’ve not gone outside without winter boots on for four full months and there’s at least two months to go. A short-sleeved shirt is now tantamount to flashing one’s bare breasts at passing motorists: shocking, pale, familiar yet painfully naked; and I’m now down to shaving my legs once a month – whether I need it or not.

I dreamt the other night – and get this – of fruit hanging from trees.

Fruit! In trees! Ha ha ha!

I await spring, no longer confident of what it looks like but only sure that I’ve seen it before.

These have been my thoughts for several days now. I share them because I can’t be alone in this. Because if I don’t share them my next coping strategy is to take up competitive drinking.

Because, contrary to how I feel about any given moment, there is always hope; and this time, hope comes in the form of a single, knitted glove.

Let me explain.

Two months ago, both of my favorite gloves went missing. Rightie and Stinky, I called them.

Stinky, by the way, didn’t deserve his lot in life but by default became the glove with which I picked up litter. Winter litter doesn’t literally stink, of course, as it tends to be frozen, but “Stinky” became his name, primarily because “Garbage Glove” seemed disrespectful while Stinky seemed kind of home-y.

I digress.

Whatever I named them, they disappeared. O, how I cried. I looked. I called. I tried to envision them (if I were a glove, where would I be?)

And while I stopped short of posting “Have You Seen These Accessories?” fliers, both Rightie and Stinky left a glove-shaped hole in my wintery heart.

I loved those dang gloves.

Let us fast-forward then, from that terrible morning when I realized they were gone, to yesterday, because there, in the filthy snow-plowed ridge of snow in the street outside of the house, its once five-foot mass reduced by the slowly increasing temperatures to a glacier-like solemnity with its stratified ice-snow-salt-dirt tale of the season, was one, lone, outstretched finger of my left glove: one brown, frozen, defiant finger aimed squarely at the elements.

Was it the index finger, pointing toward the sky? Was it the middle finger, taunting and insolent, a wintry "up yours"? Was it perhaps, even, the thumb, a cosmic "everything's OK"?

Is it important?

My left glove in hand, I kicked around for the other.

I have yet to find it; but now, there is hope.

I thought you should know.

Stinky the Glove has been found.

Long live Stinky!


Stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment!

42 comments:

R. Jacob said...

Your a lefty? Now that explains everything!

Dave King said...

A delightful excursion. I did enjoy it so much. Thanks for it.

Shelly said...

Well, you know, Michael Jackson popularized that one glove look-

Pearl said...

R., I WISH! :-) Lefties are so cute when they write...

Dave, so nice to see you here!!

Shelly, THAT doesn't bode well...

BECKY said...

I hear your pain, Pearl! Our temps haven't even been very cold this winter, nor have we had the snow of the past couple of years...but after more than a day or two of NO SUNSHINE, and I start to get really SAD. I don't care if it's below Zero outside...just gimme some sunshine! And BTW, I'm SURE you'll find Rightie!

Leenie said...

Heh, I loved this one the first time and it's even better the second time. Weird how we grow attached to the things that spend so much time attached to us.

(Hope that time in Flor-i-DUH put a scare into whatever was living in your lungs)

Joshua said...

You're throwing knives into the floor again? I'll get the shovel and the heavy duty plastic garbage bags. Again.

The Angry Lurker said...

Lefties are devious.......

Pearl said...

Becky, I have to admit it's not been the worst of winters, but I just can't wait to go outside again without shoes on...

Leenie, :-) Thanks for remembering. Yes, I'm SO much better. The warmth, the lack of stress, and tons of sleep have me back at 100%.

Joshua, you very funny Mr. Jones! :-) Winter in MN is a lovely time to hone one's brooding and vaguely threatening skills...

Pearl said...

Angry Lurker, I'm thinking of having someone strap my arms to my torso so that I can sharpen up my feet-as-hands capabilities. Lends a certain je ne sais quois to the CV.

stonegray356 said...

YES, it's important, possibly even crucial. Which finger had worked out of its icy tomb???

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Stinky is back from the dead, hurray!! He was looking for you all the time. But what has he done with Righty? And why?

Glen said...

Thank goodness - I was getting worried!! Call the fire brigade - get them to sift through the rest of the snow....

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Pearl, your first paragraph is an absolute classic! One of your best! I loved this entire post -- and feel your pain. I remember the long winters in Chicago and, on a daily basis, see the relief of the Snow Birds here who pay big money to escape the frozen north for a couple of months. Hang in there! There is hope...and spring will be here sooner than it seems!

Ms Sparrow said...

As a fellow Scandinavian, I feel your pain.

bill lisleman said...

Thanks Pearl you have now ruined my fantasy of the girls in ABBA. What other articles of clothing do you name? A sweater named cuddles? Pants named squeeze? This could be better than strip poker. Sorry I started thinking of ABBA.

esbboston said...

Instead of competitive drinking you should try contemplative drinking.
10PM-2AM.
On your own couch.
Alone.
In the dark.
Really strong stuff in small sips.
But the glow of an iPad snap crackle pops your rhodopsins. Spring! - at least internally in your eye at the molecular level.
Happy Hour(s)

Suldog said...

I think I love you (in the way that a person cooped up inside during winter gets to love things, that is to say deranged.) If I weren't married, I'd stalk you.

jenny_o said...

Now, competitive knife-throwing or competitive whistling would be fine, but competitive drinking? Too apt to lead to something dangerous or humiliating :)

Eva Gallant said...

From the sound of your mood at the beginning of this post (I remember it by the way, and toasted Stinky's return with a hot chocolate, at the time!), I suspect you might agree with my poem on my blog today!

busanalayali said...

woww great post good luck...
busana muslim

Kate Mohler said...

Very funny post! I remember my own Minnesota winters and do NOT miss them. Arizona rocks, weather-wise.

Jocelyn said...

Stinky lives! All praise Stinky!

I am with you, friend. January and February tax our souls, don't they? Every year, these months see me muttering, "How to get through this day?"

Good gloves help.

powdergirl said...

Huh, I love that bit about the broody Scandinavian throwing his knife at the floor. I can feel it.

Long live Stinky: A solemn Amen to that : )

Buttons said...

Oh how happy I am that you came to my blog and left a comment. A storyteller you are and a very good one. I do love storytellers. I was all wrapped up in the moment with Stinky and Lefty. I will be coming back tomorrow to see if your mood has changed like the weather and another glove tale.
I love your definition of winter I call this our winter of the ice age only it is not as great as it sounds I should really call it the year of the Freezing rain go fall down Age. Ouch.
I shall return thanks for the visit. B

Douglas said...

I was thinking similar things just this morning. Not about missing gloves, of course, but the winter. Why it was a miserable 53*F this morning! It's 75 now but, all morning long, I was stripping off jacket, then sweater... I stopped there, being modest.

SparkleFarkle said...

Long live the Stinkmeister!

My daughter Puppet treated me to a wonderful pair of mittens, this Christmas, that were fabricted from recycled wool sweaters, HERE. They are called Woolies and never, ever have I brefore owned such a lovely pair of mittens! Although I have yet to name them, I guard them with my life (<--So, yes, I hear ya, sitah.). If mitten insurance ever becomes available, I will invest in a policy.

Once, again, welcome home, Stinky!

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! Minor chorded whistling? Dammit, does this mean you'll be needing your Hannibal Lector mask back? And those f-f-f-fava beans?! I'll get them in the mail poste haste. Indigo x

darlin said...

Will brb, I'm going to go get on my knees and thank God for sending me to sunny Australia! lol

I love your style of writing, I feel for you and your lost glove, now if that isn't evoking emotion what is? When I'm back home about this time of year I tend to forget exactly how pretty the flowers are, how green the grass can be and I become numb from the scalp down... there are a few things which warm up my heart and soul, but it's too damn cold outside to find them! I hope you warm up soon and the blossoms grace your world.

Try to have a great week; it sounds like it's time for a pot of homemade soup, and not leftover soup, the real deal! Hamburger soup with a hint of Italian seasoning... yummy, oh and fresh rolls with REAL butter, none of this margarine crap. Great now I'm getting hungry, time to go out hunting soon. ;-)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

So far, it looks like old man winter isn't coming to Georgia this year. (famous last words)

Gigi said...

*knocking wood that Susan Flett Swiderksi's famous last words* continue to be true (since Georgia IS right next door)! Our winter so far has been so mild (not to rub it in) that we fear we are in for a scorcher this summer!

Loved this post again as much as I did the first time.


Hugs, Pearl. Spring IS coming. Just a bit later for you than me (again, not rubbing it in).

Susan Kane said...

So glad you two have been reunited. The right glove is probably on vacation in a warmer climate.

Nance said...

Welcome home, Stinky.

That name reminded me of Break-Up in Alaska. As the snows began to melt, everything, everywhere began to smell like defrosting dog poop.

ThreeOldKeys said...

Dear Pearl,

I can't find my watch ... it's been missing for several months. Could you please check your snowbank?

Thanks in Advance,

laurie

Belle said...

Aw, I'm glad Stinky is home and hope you will find his mate soon.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I remember this charming story, and the finger factor will remain our little secret.
xoRobyn

The Elephant's Child said...

I am also glad that Stinky is home. Hopefully Righty will forgive Stinky and also return.

Crystal Pistol said...

I'm so excited that Stinky shields your left hand! I am a lefty. I was upset by the thought of your left, garbage picking hand been naked to the elements. Kinda like flashing boobies in the winter ... or whatever that clever thing you wrote was about boobs and arms... In Tucson people are mostly naked all year round. To make folks feel as though you are flashing boobs you actually have to flash boobs. :)

River said...

I'm sure Stinky was giving you a thumbs-up. The glove version of hang on spring is on its way.

Would it cheer you up to hear about our downunder winters? Several weeks of cool-to-cold weather with maybe some rain thrown in for good measure, then about four weeks of Geez I'm freezing, and after that things start warming up again.

Tempo said...

I seem to remember this happening every winter Pearl...Hmm!
To have it happen once suggests a certain amount of bad luck..to have it happen EVERY winter suggests something else altogether...

(I suspect Mary)

.

the walking man said...

Supposed to be 50 in Detroit today.

That gentleman's lady said...

The prodigal glove returns!