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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Full of Hot, Sweaty Air

Here we are, almost half-way through January, and the newly reformed have yet to give up.

The yoga studio is packed. Inches away from my fellow man, I practice patience.

It’s all part of the practice, I think to myself. He/she doesn’t know an outward expression of calm is part of it, that his/her heavy sighs and grunts are distracting to others, doesn’t know to be cognizant of where his/her feet/arms are in relation to his/her mat…

It’s enough to drive me/you/one mad.

It’s a New Year’s resolution of theirs, no doubt; and I’m sure all across the world something or other is full to bursting in January only to return to normal operations by mid-February.

Not that I don’t wish our newly arrived brothers and sisters success! Of course, I do! Anything else would be stingy and mean-hearted, and I am neither of those things.

True, I once told a panhandler to “touch me and I’ll scream”.

Oh, and it’s possible that I have wished ill upon droopy-drawered men, their pants belted just inches above their knees.

And then there was this one occasion where I screamed, from my second floor porch, at a man in the park, a man who consistently failed to pick up after his German Shepherd to “…never come back here! I know who you are!”

Hmm. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen that guy or his dog in almost four years…

OK. So I’m not stingy, anyway.

Still, attendance at the yoga studio will be like last year, and the year before. They come in, riding the high of heartfelt resolutions and tingly with the excitement of that first, free week of yoga and in short measure discover that a hot class makes you sweat by the bucket, that holding a position until you tremble is hard work, and that the firm young bodies surrounding them are a blow to the ego.

In time, however, should they stay, come the discoveries of the truths in yoga: that one adapts to the heat, that the mind gives up long before the body, that the nubile youngsters lack the determination of their elders and give up easily.

And that surely there’s nothing that feels as good as successfully doing the splits next to someone half your age.

All of these things are true and will come with devotion.

And stop calling me Shirley.

32 comments:

Kavi said...

Ah new year resolutions ! Gyms swell the world over.

But they are back to normal by around Valentines !

:)

Shelly said...

Namaste.

The Angry Lurker said...

New Years resolutions are about as welcome as a dose of arse water....Shirley!

Hold on while I remove my foot from around my ear........

Leenie said...

Patience and endurance are also part of serenity...or pride that you can outlast, out bend and out sweat those nubile newbies. Breathe, breathe....

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Hold that thought....hold it.....hold it......breathe and....repeat. Nice work Shirley.
Did you get that string off Dolly Gee's tail last night?

Lisa Golden said...

Just slip them that NYT article that says yoga is bad for you. Anonymously, of course.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ah, you remind me of the days when I'd skip the gym for the first two weeks of January because of the Novice Resolvers cluttering up the place.

Teresa Evangeline said...

I tried yoga once. Man, that's a lot of work. Now, a pilates DVD starts at me from next to my computer. I'm hoping if I keep it there long enough, I will get in shape by osmosis. Or something. I don't want to exercise until I look better in a leotard.

Vapid Vixen said...

Wait what? Did you just say the splits?

jenny_o said...

Love the Shirley reference :)

And is it mean-hearted to see injustice or just plain stupidity and want it changed???

Uh oh. I'll be going to the hot place for sure. And I don't mean the yoga studio.

Eva Gallant said...

All that grunting and sweating is making me tired.

Pearl said...

:-)

Dolly Gee would like you to know that the string has been removed.

Liza Bean does not want to talk about it...

Oh, and the splits? :-) Yes, actually!

Douglas said...

I love Yoga... especially the kind with fruit at the bottom and the frozen kind.

Suniverse said...

Wait - are you supposed to do the pose until you feel like you can't anymore?

I just do it until I think, "Eh, that's enough." Which sometimes is about .02 seconds.

I may be doing this wrong.

Pearl said...

Douglas, I'll stop this car. I swear I'll stop this car!

Suniverse, :-) You might be thinking of yoda. No, wait: Thinking of yoda maybe you are!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

I'm with Teresa Evangeline...the book and the video are not helping me at all, all lined up in the bookcase. Once, a long, long time ago, I could touch my toes with my legs straight, do the splits and even cartwheels. That was so long ago now that I can barely remember it. My exercise of choice these days is bending my right elbow, bringing a glass of red wine to my lips. Sip and repeat. No resolutions required.
Rosemary

Pearl said...

Rosemary, you and I should work out some time. I, too, am adept with the white wine. :-) (I could never do a cartwheel. Ever. Don't know why, but those things freaked me out...)

CarrieBoo said...

Rosemary is apparently on the same exercise plan as me, the ol' red wine lift... yep.

Pearl said...

CarrieBoo, ahh, the ol' RWL. Making people flexible since right after work. :-)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Yep, my gym is packed with the New Year's newbies, too. They really irritate me, Shirley.
;)

Pearl said...

:-) I know, Dawn! How dare they encroach on our sweaty territory?!!

Over? Under.

Under? Dunn.

G said...

In my local gym we have a sweep stake on who we think will last past the start of February

HermanTurnip said...

It wouldn't be so bad if the newly inspired gym rats would simply show up with a towel and wipe down the equipment after use. But ah well, have no fear. Come March it'll be back to business as usual. The running paths will have cleared out, the gyms will be less crowded, and business at McDonalds will pick up once again. It's the cycle of life...

Diane said...

Okay, so . . . gym avoidance is my goal for the new year. so far, I'm 100%!

The Elephant's Child said...

I regret to say that while at the pool I have been known to suffer from lane rage. And there is an elderly gentelman who doesn't know how lucky he is: if ever I catch him I intend to bite his feet.

Crystal Pistol said...

THE SPLITS??? Wow! You are now a hero of mine. Being an avid weight lifter my muscles are tight and my attempting splits would land me in the hospital post haste.

I think I'll make a resolution to do more yoga... ;)

River said...

Yoga? I'd be the grimacing, panting, grunter who gives up after one lesson as muscle stiffness would set in so badly.
I yearn for the flexibility I once had...although I never was able to do the splits. My oldest daughter could do sideways splits, forward splits, then turn her body so she'd be facing the other way while still split. Grand daughter, on the other hand, couldn't do the splits either, even after ten years of ballet. She's inherited my hips I think.

the walking man said...

Yoga...just another passing fad. Is it true you fart a lot when holding certain poses?

ladyfi said...

LOL1 Wishing you patience and good karma!

Susan in the Boonies said...

Even you were once a beginner, my dear.

This calls for patience on the part of the saints.

And on the part of the regulars.

Because, as you yourself know, this too, will pass.

Pat said...

Not That I'm sexist - but men in a yoga class shouldn't be allowed!

Jocelyn said...

OMG, yes. I *hate* January at the gym. At least it grants me the rare feeling of superiority, though, for not being a gym dilettante. But, man, are those Resolutioners annoying.