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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Would You Believe I Have a Whole Section of my Blog Devoted to “Pants”?

It’s a flurry of excitement, here at Casa de Pearl, as I ready myself for another foray into black-pantsed-and-white-shirted encounters of the catering kind. My shirt has been starched into crisp yet bland submission; my practical shoes have been located; my favorite underwear, a trusted pair with a strict no-ride policy, have been set aside.

And my black pants are ready.

Funny thing about those black pants, though: they’re actually Mary’s. We’ve decided, in that quirky, kinda endearing but kinda weird way that women have, that I look better in her pants and she looks better in mine.

There’s a joke in there somewhere, but we’ll let it ride for a bit.

I don’t think men trade pants. Then again, I’m not sure.

I text T. “Have you ever traded pants with a friend?”

“Why,” he writes. “What have you heard?”

So that’s probably the answer right there.

Serving jobs are a fertile land of stress, hustle, and humor. It is a world of shouted jokes, often in Spanish; of carefully balanced plates and mysteriously crusted and rejected forks. There will be glasses to fill with ice and water, place settings to be set, napkins to be napped. I don’t want to get too detailed here – it’s all very technical – but suffice it to say that at the end of the night, I will be several inches shorter and several twenties richer.

Hey. Who has more fun than me?

33 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

I loved "T"s response, "Why, what have you heard?" I laughed out loud at that one!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

I got to check "waitressing" off my bucket list last month. I spent four and a half hours as a volunteer server at a fund-raising luncheon. Good thing it was for only one shift, mostly the "customers" were people I knew, and I was a volunteer and therefore could not be fired. Now I can say, "Been There, Done That" and "NEVER AGAIN". Sorry about the shortness but congrats on the Twenties! Not just anyone can pull that off.
Rosemary

Clipped Wings said...

I've been in please-the-customer jobs all my life. It's not always a fun place to be. In fact, for me it's hardly ever a fun place to be. It is always nice to be in one where the tips flow freely or semi-freely. Happy serving ;)

Douglas said...

The only time I (a known male) ever traded pants with another guy was... Hmmm, I can't recall a time. I haven't even traded shirts, sweaters, jackets, or shoes.

Maybe it's because our egos can't accept that someone else might look better in our clothes than we do. Something in the DNA, I'm sure, prevents that concept from ever forming in our heads. Guys are the ones who have to be coerced to share.

Shelly said...

I do trade clothes with my friends. It helps to expand the wardrobe options considerably!

R. Jacob said...

Ah no. No pants trading in my lifetime. I did borrow a hat once upon a time, back in my bar tending days. I was looking for that certain look while behind the bar. It worked..I think.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Good on the twenties right before Christmas...you can always wear heels.

Lazarus said...

You must be the most entertaining wait person ever Pearl. I grew up working in my dad's diners but never waiting on people, mostly washing dishes. And we had white uniforms so I guess that you could say we traded pants all the time since they were washed by an outside laundry and randomly used. But other than that, I haven't traded pants in years as far as you know.

Leenie said...

Good luck on a smooth night with no spills, plenty of new blog fodder and no exceptions on that no-ride pantry rule. (wondering on the actual number of "Pants" posts).

Lisa said...

Can I join you? I have black pants!

I haven't traded clothes in a while, but I witnessed two daughters lightly spatting over one's use of the other's closet as a department store.

jenny_o said...

I second Leenie on her wishes for ya!

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Yes, as three sisters, we traded pants many times. Never traded with our brother. My son and his wife wear the same pair of sweatpants....not at the same time.....does that count toward men sharing pants?

The Vegetable Assassin said...

My sister and I are always trading pants. I say "trading" but really "inheriting" is more the word. It's definitely a girl thing I think. I'm two inches taller than she is so she'll buy something, it'll be just a touch too long and I'll get them, which is a win for me. Of course long can be shortened, no? Don't tell her that though, or I'll have to start buying my own!

Esther Montgomery said...

Remember we were talking about differences in language? This was a bewildering post. I got it pretty quickly but it gave me pause. For me, pants are underwear. Were you trading knickers with your friends?

Joe Pereira said...

T's response was a case of 'talk before you think' He was probably watching a baseball game at the time. No Pearl, guys don't swap pants. Not even here in Europe!

jabblog said...

Oh, your aching feet and back - hope there are lots and lots of twenties.

missing moments said...

No trading here ... but have gone home a few twenties richer!

Dan said...

naah not me...i dont wanna get boy germs...yick! girl pants just dont sit right on me either...though im told i have...er better not go there haha

Gigi said...

Actually the guys in this house trade pants. Well, it's more like the younger one steals the older ones because all his jeans are dirty. Lazy boy!

Daisy said...

Hope your evening goes well Pearl, and you find lots of interesting folks to write about!

The Elephant's Child said...

The one and only time I did waitressing was for a diplomatic do. Many spills later, it was written from my possible career list (and that was before I had an excuse for shaking hands. So, yet another thing, and another post to congratulate you on.

Rene Foran said...

Have served many a banquet in my day. Hard work but some of the best times of my life had chafing dishes involved. I'd wager that it'd be a scream to work with you.

Linda O'Connell said...

I was at a banquet last night with a fellow blogger who also follows you, and we were laughing about black pants and Pearl. She and I had to buy NEW black pants, because the old ones shrunk, yeah that's what they did.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Funny, I most often wear Black pants and I live in a world where the language is mostly Spanish ... see how much we have in common, Pearl ? !!
In fact, right now, I am wearing black yoga pants... and I hear a dog outside barking ( in Spanish) .. besitos

Belle said...

I loved "T"s response too. May your fist be filled with twenties.

Cloudia said...

you are TOO much!



Aloha from Waikiki

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Linda Myers said...

Nope, I don't trade. I do get hand me downs from my sister when she loses weight from time to time.

I, too, did serving for one very large gathering. From setting up to doing the dishes. Man, was I exhausted!

David L Macaulay said...

nope - I don't think guys trade pants Pearl

Sarah said...

Trading pants is too sensible for men!

That gentleman's lady said...

Pearl you ask if I would believe that you have an entire section of your blog devoted to Pants...?

With you, I'd believe anything! You also have an entire section devoted to cats. And mind monkeys.

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Pearl! You know, I don't say this often enough - I love these kinds of entries. Meaningful, entertaining, and brief in a way that I've never got the hang of. So, thank you. And tho I've never trade pants with anyone, my brother gave me a pair of sweats last year because he'd lost too much weight. This mildly depressed me. Indigo

Craver Vii said...

Never traded trousers, but I like the idea of serving people. We did a thing once at my company, where the office people hosted a snazzy appreciation dinner to honor our outside reps. It was a great time. Maybe that's apples and oranges, because this was not a professional catering gig, but more of a friendly gesture.

Pat said...

This is just between you and me -right?
Getting ready this am to have lunch out with the girls I put my best pants on earlier than usual - thank Heaven because as I sat putting lippy on I felt acute discomfort and after removing my best, freshly laundered trousers I found gum adhering to my nether regions.
It's just not possible - but it happened and took ages to remove. I still feel the odd tweak when I sit down. Mum's the word.