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Saturday, December 17, 2011

Seriously. Just Take Your Stuff and Go.

It’s Saturday. The kitties are mewling pitifully for cream (despite the fact that they rarely if ever chip in for groceries), my bed still hasn’t made itself, and the temperature has plummeted here in Minneapolis a good 20 degrees from yesterday.

And why not? It’s December, still, and no one said this was going to be easy.

Oh, sure, there was talk early on about how lovely it is to have four seasons, how pretty the snow is and how childishly excited we’ll be once we’re able to do something as novel as wear shoes outside rather than boots; but the thrill is gone, people.

I’m breaking up with winter.

In the beginning, and I do mean in the beginning, when I was a young, tender thing with proper hand/feet blood circulation and dreams of graceful ice-skate-driven pirouettes, it was good between us. Winter added a pinkness to my cheeks, and I was grateful. It’s hard being of a naturally yellowish hue, and I was tired of being asked if I was “okay”. Stop asking me that! I’m fine! I’m just yellow-y, okay?

Sheesh. Give a girl a break.

But then came high school; and the young, tender things with money were going skiing, so I saved my money so that I could go, too. Pity I didn’t know how to ski, though, and my reward for ridiculous amounts of babysitting and acting like I knew what I was doing earned me a face-plant into the side of a mountain (or maybe it was a hill – it is Minnesota, after all) and my own key to the high school elevator for a month.

That’ll teach ya!

That was the beginning of the end; and in all this time, winter has failed to make it up to me.

Lost mittens and hats, frostbite, falling on the ice? Dead car batteries? Fruitless searches for jumper cables? The gradual accumulation of turtlenecks and superfluous hip and buttock padding?

All winter’s fault.

So, yeah. It’s over, and I don’t feel bad about it.

Winter can leave my unfrozen toes and fingers at the front door on its way out.

33 comments:

Shelly said...

I know the winter stuff must get old, but the summer stuff also gets old for some us. There's just somethin' unnatural about wearing shorts, sleeveless tops, and sandals (as I am dressed today) this close to Christmas.

ellen abbott said...

When you send winter and it bags packing, don't send it down here. Okay? Last year's fling was more than enough for me.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Good luck with that! Let me know how it works out for you.

(P.S. You may need a restraining order.)

Douglas said...

I got over my love of winter at a very young age. 10, I believe. I was taken (against my will, I assure you) to Florida by my parental units and only one winter later, I had no desire to experience temperatures below 65 again.

Douglas said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I'm with you...the days of snow angels and snow ball fights are looooong gone.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

That was pretty cold, Baby. (see what I did there?) I too have screamed more obscenities about the inconvenience than in previous years. What is wrong with me? I used to love this time of year but now I just scowl out the window. That look was only reserved for the paper boy but now...

Eva Gallant said...

I'm with you on this one.

Sioux said...

And perhaps it doesn't happen to you, Pearl, but my skin transforms into something else during the winter. It becomes a rough, chapped mess.

Hopefully you at least got some bling before you broke up...

SherilinR said...

"superfluous hip and buttock padding"
i like that line, and plan to use it soon as i have plenty of superfluous padding of my own.

Hilary said...

Oh I'm with you. No snow here so far and I won't mind a bit if it stays that way. Though I do know better. Our temps dropped from balmy numbers overnight, also.

Leenie said...

The problem with "Upper Tier" U.S. weather is the seasons are TOO LONG. Four is fine but how about just a month or so at a time? None of this six months of arctic, four months of mud and two months of --aahhhhh! I'm with you, going from yellow to blue just makes green--skin. Winter just doesn't know when the party is over.

(skiing in Minnesota???????)

Vapid Vixen said...

You too huh? On it's way out, would you mind asking for my tongue skin back from that pole...Winter knows the one.

vanilla said...

I really like this "break-up" letter to winter. Perhaps sometime soon you can join us and seventeen-million of your fellow Minnesotans in South Texas for the winter!

CarrieBoo said...

And don't even think about knockin' on my door, Winter!

What is it with those free loading cats, anyway? I've got some fun holiday catch up to do, oh yes! :)

ThreeOldKeys said...

... so this would not be a good time to wish you a Happy Winter Solstice, coming up in 5 days?

... and it would not be kind to say something like "honey, winter ain't even started yet" ...?

Julianna said...

The boys and I were at the beach at sunrise this morning.

33 degrees.

Unseasonably warm for this time of year, but still way to frickin' cold.

The first snow is expected tonight. I can't tell you how thrilled I am (she rolls her eyes)

The Elephant's Child said...

I adore winter - though ours are not in the same category as yours. I went skiing once and discovered that I ski faster on my face than my feet. So I gave up.
It seems that what we need is a swap - you have our summer and I have your winters. Deal?

Daisy said...

I feel the cold too Pearl! I love winter tho, from inside a warm house.

Pat said...

Nothing like a long soak in a hot bath to beat the chill.

Gigi said...

I'm with ya - and I don't even have to deal with the winter that you deal with. I'm ready to head somewhere tropical - where it's always sunny and warm.

NotesFromAbroad said...

I can only say that It is about Time you figured this stuff out ... feh, who needs winter ? !

Belle said...

The only good thing I can think of about winter is looking out the window of a warm living room holding a hot chocolate and seeing beautiful white snow. Just looking.

River said...

Move to Australia.
Problem solved.
Of course there'll be a new problem once you experience our summers.
Melting.

jenny_o said...

We've been having an unusually mild fall/winter here, and I'm ready to strangle the next person who says they wish it would snow. Masochists! Leave well enough alone!

Antares Cryptos said...

Dear Pearl,
Either your blog ate my comment or the whiskered one is engaging in unwarranted censorship.

Best wishes,

Severely,

Winter

Tempo said...

So, you dont know why theres a Winter then?
Winter my dear Pearl is so when those first warm rays of Spring warm your body you look up, marvel at the unimaginable feelings of warmth and bliss and thank god for Spring!

Linda O'Connell said...

Sure as I say it we'll get a blizzard, but we've had a very mild winter, 40s-60s with no snow in sight. Makes this chunky monkey happy.

Kara said...

I can sympathize, but while winter & I are long over the honeymoon phase, but not quite ready for the divorce - just give me a month or two.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

A-flippin'-men to that! I am counting the days till I move to Boca, baby, counting the days.

Lisa said...

I still fall for the romance of winter once a year because of the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. Then I wake up screaming from a nightmare where I'm standing in the dark on the CTA platform in negative temps and high winds and the train never comes.

I didn't kick winter out, I packed up my things and left for Georgia.

Joanne said...

Even when I was young I made deals with winter. "If the weather will be better next week, I'll go to class tonight." Eight or ten weeks of that got me through the semester and the season. Still works, and that's even worse.

willfulresemblance said...

amen. 100%