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Monday, December 5, 2011

I Have No Idea What That Cat's Up To...

This week? I'll be working on my new book.

While I do, Monday through Thursday will be dedicated to Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers. Friday, of course, will be the continuation and second-to-the-last installment in our serialization regarding one-time neighbors, the Beverage-y Hillbillies.



Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) has gone too far this time.

Last night, she took a phone call in front of me. (That is not the gone-too-far part.)

I left the room, partly out of consideration and partly out of confusion.

Not that she actually said anything. She was clearly listening, however, and paced from one end of the living room to the other.

When I came back into the living room, I surprised her in the act of lifting my car keys. One paw was closing the clasp to my purse as she stuffed my car keys into her backpack with the other one.

We stared at each other as she backed out of the room. Neither one of us said a word.

It’s not, after all, the first time she’s taken the car.

I went to bed shortly after that. She’s fully grown. She can do what she wants. True, she should’ve asked for permission to use the car, but she tends to return it with a full tank. With the way gas prices have been lately, I’ve been willing to overlook her rudeness.

I heard her pull up at 4:00. I waited until 4:15 until I went outside.

I started the car, primarily because it’s dreadfully cold at 4:15 but also because everywhere she goes she leaves CDs. I used to find cigarette butts – and I’m so glad she quit smoking! – but now it’s music. I find that her taste in music often lends insight into what she’s up to.

Sure as hell, Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. That seems about right.

But if her choice in music didn’t surprise me, what I found in the backseat did.

Scuba gear. What is all this stuff? A rubber suit, flippers, two tanks – why two tanks? Was someone with her? Who dives in Minnesota in November?

By the time I came back in the house, she was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Again: silence. She watched me take off my coat, and by the time I’d gone to the bathroom to collect my wits in private, she was where she always is at 4:30 in the morning: curled up behind Willie’s knees. Willie snored softly. I crawled back into bed.

Willie didn’t move, but I saw Liza Bean Bitey’s half-lidded eyes glinting in the dark.

30 comments:

Shelly said...

With apologies to Rose on the Titanic, a cat's heart is a deep ocean of secrets...

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Hmmmm...were there any empty cement bags in the car? Did you check on your clarinet?

Argent said...

Two tanks! That IS weird. I wonder if Liza Bean will let something slip so we can find out what's going on.

George said...

I've seen dogs in scuba gear before (or is that Scooby gear?), but never a cat. Quite curious. Perhaps looking for really fresh fish.

Scarlet Blue said...

Maybe more will be revealed tomorrow, but my guess is that she's up to no good...
Sx

Fragrant Liar said...

That Liza, she's a sly one. I'm anxious to know what her midnight forays are all about, and WHO the girl was with. I mean, TWO tanks?

Leenie said...

Glad she's cut back on the cigarettes. Gotta have good lungs to dive. I'm guessing a two-tank dive with some handsome tom cat buddy. The visual of scuba diving cats (with a custom hole in the wet suits to accommodate tails) just made my morning. Fish watch OUT!

Lucy said...

You should write a book on the secret life of cars. They see a lot while your back is turned.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Good luck with the book. It's like giving birth, huh? Except you are taking all week, and it sounds as though it was planned.

jabblog said...

Liza Bean Bitey is one special cat - and she knows it.

Sioux said...

Does Liza Bean keep a diary/journal? If she did, perhaps you could discover where she hides it, and when she's gone, you can check out what she's written in it lately.

It's definitely something that is illegal or immoral that she's engaging in...

jenny_o said...

Let's just hope there's no international incident. Although you can be sure that if there is, it'll be YOUR car registration they'll be tracing, and Liza Bean will be conveniently "on vacation".

IndigoWrath said...

Are her and the other Illuminati diving for that Nazi gold they recovered back in '04?

Silliyak said...

Imagine of the theme for 007 had been on the CD!

Macy said...

Something tells me you'll find soy sauce in the back of the car if you look hard enough.

Experience,Pearl, put it down to experience...

Belle said...

Whoa, she did something naughty for sure.

Daisy said...

Owwwwww...that Lisa Bean is up to no good for sure!

Crystal Pistol said...

Scuba gear, huh? Brave. I don't trust scuba gear. I don't have gills. I belong on dry land.

KAT said...

Sounds like a mystery to me! Looking forward to the sequel! ;-D

Eva Gallant said...

Argent may be on to something....look for your clarinet, quick!

The Elephant's Child said...

I wanna read the rest of this story. In a room by myself where neither Jazz nor Jewel can read over my shoulder.

Simply Suthern said...

I'd watch for Breaking News down at the Aquarium.

Gigi said...

TWO tanks? Hmmm....what could she be up to???

And Leenie's visual made me laugh out loud!

Cloudia said...

my cat is selling lighters!



Aloha from Waikiki

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W.C.Camp said...

I'd keep my eye on that sneaky kitty - something is clearly up ... just to be safe I would consider reporting her to Homeland Security to find out what's up with those scuba tanks! W.C.C.

Kelley said...

You are so funny! Your imagination is nuts and I love it! I know you weren't imagining the cats driving part. Cats do drive. Everyone knows that.

River said...

Scuba gear? Late night jaunts to the ocean?
Is Liza Bean checking on her "stash"?
The cement-booted bodies perhaps?

Pat said...

Best not delve too deeply.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Liza. She so crazy.
What's this I hear about a book? ;)

HermanTurnip said...

"usually in the form of financial settlements in lieu of litigation"

Heh! Yeah, I can see that happening. Crazy... :-)