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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Why Don't You Call -- Right Now?

Oh, hi!

I’ve been waiting for you.

Be honest with me – did you ever think you’d find your soul-mate at a bar?

Probably not.

But on a 1-800 number? Oh, yes.

So why haven’t you called? I’ve been waiting for you, and so have all my drop-dead gorgeous friends, all luscious blondes, red-heads, and brunettes between the ages of 18 and 24. There’s just so much more to us than our beautiful faces, our firm, taut bodies, and our ability to recline seductively while talking on the phone.

What, you say? Why in the world would there be hot chicks on the phone, waiting for me to call?

Because, silly, we’re just like you. We’re lonely, we’re scantily clad, and we’re tired of the run-around at the bar, just like you! It gets so boring, being continually hit on, having men buy us drinks in the hopes of seeing us again, answering the same tired questions on what cup size we wear, what it would take, money-wise, to see us again, fielding questions about our boyfriends and whether or not they're armed.

It’s so tedious being beautiful and well built, don’t you think?

I can just tell that we’re going to get along.

So why haven’t you called?

I’m waiting.

25 comments:

Jinksy said...

Perhaps is a bur, bur, bur, busy line? LOL

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I have a vision of the "lady" on the other end...probably old, wrinkled, hung over, balancing her cheque book while she makes sweet talk with some poor slob on dthe other end. They are selling a dream though eh? Lets face it, all the gorgeous people are out there mixing and mingling in the real wor...oh excuse me..my second line is ringing. Bambi here...oh hi...I've been waiting for your call.

R. Jacob said...

I swear that wasn't me on the phone!

Susan in the Boonies said...

The tedium is quite beyond me. :-D

(Which either means, that I've never had tedium due to these factors, or I'm so tediumed I couldn't get any more tediumed.)

That gentleman's lady said...

So.... whats yo numbah? Pearl! Once again you forget contact details.....

Joanne said...

Just yesterday we had a long conversation about this. It was sad, but maybe helpful for the person who brought it up.

Eva Gallant said...

Love those ads....would love to see the ladies really on the other end of that telephone line!

Doubting Thomas said...

I still don't know what's more amazing, the people that call those numbers, or actually believe that the "ladies" are interested in them. It takes a lot of work to maintain that level of delusion...

jenny_o said...

Those ads make me cringe inside. And outside.

Sometimes I think I detect a certain look in the eyes of the young models/actresses - I like to think it is embarrassment, or discomfort, or at least an understanding of how artificial the situation is...

fishducky said...

I'm beginning to think I wasted money on my tattoo. You know the one-- "For a good time call 1 800 YOU WISH"!

Symdaddy said...

Why didn't I call? You've got nerve, girlie!

I still haven't got rid of those spots you gave me last time!

I should be sending you the bill from the clinic!

IndigoWrath said...

I would, but I have a different number to call. Apparently, there's hot women in my local area who want to have sex with me tonight. Guaranteed!

mrwriteon said...

I had a few instances in years past of thinking I'd find my soulmate at a bar. Yet, it was usually for naught. So, I'm calling you right away, baby. I know that alluring babes like you spend a lot of time sitting home alone drinking cocoa.

Linda O'Connell said...

I actually did find my soulmate at a bar. Neither of us drank alcohol; we were there to hear a band. Bar scene? I've seen it. What's sad is some people never leave.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Your so-called 'restraint order' is not helping me with the romance, baby. And all the Russian brides I pay to have shipped over in those big packing containers don't often survive the trip. It's hard for a man to find love too.

Lazarus said...

Pearl, you are too funny. Or are you being serious? What's that number again?

Mrs. Tuna said...

Craigslist in Phoenix was running an ad for an "office slut"

Rene Foran said...

Oh, Pearl...you are a scream :)

and this reminded me so much of an old Quaid Brothers sketch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbgWDz5_LJ0

Julianna said...

One of the new boses at work was trying to figure out who "V" was. I told him which route she was working on and he said "Oh, she's the one that sounds like a phone sex operator!"

Um. I suppose he'd know more than I would. :)

Kath said...

Actually found my soul mate at a bar, after the football game back in college! Ha! Great post girl!

David L Macaulay said...

You ca meet totally yhe best people at the bar - although they can seem kind of different with the benefit of daylight

Macy said...

Pearl???
We need to talk...

Bushman said...

Because I can't find my damn phone...oh crap where is it I need to feel wanted....damn it!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Hahaha...I loved this Pearl. Isn't it the truth?!

vanyelmoon said...

I saw the usual clients at standing in line outside the Gamestop on black Friday. They don't leave their couch or the basement unless they can get the newest game at least 50% off. That is who needs this service.