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Monday, November 21, 2011

What Am I Thinking? Oh, Not Much...

“The walk to the bus may have looked like any other, but Monday was the day that changed everything.”

I’ve been known to narrate my life. Not aloud, of course, because that would be unseemly. No use in frightening my fellow citizens.

Honestly, the commentary in my head is usually more entertaining than what’s going on around me.

I don’t limit my narrations to my life, though. I’m willing to narrate yours as well.

“Little did the woman pinching the tomatoes know, but the person next to her at the Farmer’s Market, the person inspecting the turnips, then the rutabagas, was her brother Frank, the man who had left for the Navy 15 years ago only to be struck by lightning and left wandering, witless all these years, in his pursuit of the perfect root vegetable.”

My lips don’t move when I do this, so it’s perfectly normal.

Now if my lips moved

I sometimes see people’s lips moving. They’re walking down the street, fully engaged in something or other. Before Bluetooth and teeny-tiny headphones, this was more amusing than it is now. Like the 'rahr, rahr, rahr' of a dog with a mouthful of peanut butter, one could envision any monologue one liked. Now, however, rather than imagining someone reciting the “My-mother-was-right-and-I’m-leaving-you-you-cheap-SOB” speech as they push their grocery cart through the dairy section, the odds are actually much better that the words they are speaking into the world’s smallest phone are more along the lines of “I’ll be home soon! Do we need milk?”

Boring!


So I’m going to continue to create little fantasy lives around them, what they’re saying, where they’re going, why they’re meeting.

Oh, if only they knew how happy they make me, these lip-moving people, or how much I love them.

44 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Follow me around for a day. I talk to myself like nobodys business... always have. I'm sure people think I'm nuts. Oh wait....

Shelly said...

Oh, I am so glad I am not the only one who does that. It rather makes me feel like a queen in complete control of all her constituents-

Pearl said...

Delores, I would love to. :-) I could make up a monologue and laugh softly to myself -- which someone would no doubt see and call their friends about: "There's a woman laughing to herself over here. I think she might be nuts..." :-)

Shelly, life is just a leetle more interesting when someone's narrating. :-)

jenny_o said...

Those lip-moving people - somehow I am always the one getting embarrassed by their lip-moving shenanigans. Well, what would you think if you were proceeding down the grocery aisle and were met with a hearty "Hi!" as you passed another shopper? This was in the early days of Bluetooth.

Which might make it understandable. But it's still happening! The other day I thought a man was asking me for directions to the automotive department of Walmart, and although I felt he was being a little familiar in his wording I started to answer. Turns out he was asking his wife, who was behind him, and at that point, not in my line of sight.

Embarrassing, but worse is when I chuckle and they don't.

R. Jacob said...

I will walk into the kitchen, see what is going on and smile or laugh hysterically and walk away to the puzzled looks of the family members!
But then again, they think I am nuts anyway!

Simply Suthern said...

Please go ahead and narrate my life. Make it interesting cause it seems I have failed to do so on my own.

Eva Gallant said...

You are so observant! When I'm grocery shopping, all I see is the cart and what's on the shelves. I'm in a rush to get out of there!

Daisy said...

I'm also one of those who talk to myself...and I get intelligent answers. The people talking on cellphones still confuse me. Sometimes I think they are with Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Silver Strands said...

hahah! I'd love to have you narrate my life - but I'd want to hear it outloud!

IndigoWrath said...

Hiya Pearl! My supermarket ramblings are increasingly mundane, so if you could do me a racy voiceover, for possibly somewhere near the lingerie or pizza, that'd be great. Indigo x

haphazardlife said...

I make up lives for people while waiting in airports. Best. Game. Evah!

Elizabeth Rose Stanton said...

...and your writing about them makes ME happy. So funny. So great.

musingsfromaworkaholic said...

I am so glad that I'm not the only one that does this...Now, if the hubbage and I are at the store together? We make up entire conversations for those we see around us. ESPECIALLY between those "People of WalMart"-types.

Leenie said...

So you Must Love "Stranger Than Fiction" Emma Thompson-Will Farrel.

"So. We know it's a woman's voice. The story involves your death. It's modern. It's in English and I'm assuming the author has a cursory knowledge of the city."

Wait! That movie was made about and by -YOU! I knew there was a familiar cleverness to the writing.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I talk to myself in a mix of Yiddish, Polish names, and random utterances. You're welcome to come along. What I find most amusing about people on a teeny-tiny headset (maybe) is that they tend to shout, as if their earpiece makes the voice softer. We're all privy to the mundane dialogue.
xoRobyn

Bouncin' Barb said...

It used to be crystal clear that if you saw someone walking around talking to themselves they were schizophrenics. Now with that damn blu-tooth thing you have to check twice before walking to the other side of the road. I was sitting next to a woman on a boardwalk bench last week and it took a bit to realize that she was talking to the voices in her head. Sad. But I should have listened in to see what she was actually talking about. Blog material if anything. (That's so terrible isn't it?).

A Lady's Life said...

lol I must admit when driving and I see someone having a heated conversation by himself in the car is funny lol

Douglas said...

Do you also dub in theme/background music? I do. In fact, I often overlook the dialogue in favor of it.

When I was a lad of 16, there was a guy who actually had conversations with an invisible "person" who walked alongside of him. I would see him at my hangout of those days (the local bowling alley), walking through the parking lot arguing with the invisible guy (and, I suspect, losing). It was odd that he never had those conversations inside the bowling alley. Instead, he'd tell us about his connections to the CIA and the Mob. I didn't have to make up conversations to be entertained.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

It used to be disconcerting to see folks walking along, talking to the air as they walked with great determination toward some destination. Now, however Husband has begun to use the blue tooth. I find it scary to watch him walk along, one side of his conversation audible to the world. I never thought it would happen to someone I love.

Roses said...

I think I'd amuse you: I talk to myself as I'm out and about and I sing a long badly to whatever the dj in my head is playing.

I shouldn't have stopped the meds, should I?

nixabn said...

I saw a nut at lunch,he was preparing to cross the street but....he had to bitch at the person that he was with which....was NO ONE!!!

Roshni said...

do it all the time...talk to myself in my head, I mean! Of course, I also burst into song at home too....not sure which is worse!!

Macy said...

Is it wrong to do both parts of the conversation? I do. Sometimes I even speak on behalf of the teenager sitting opposite me.
I seem to have better conversations that way....

Gigi said...

I walk around (in PUBLIC!) talking to myself all the time. Usually, it's rather boring stuff - unless I'm in a snit about something. Then? Then I imagine it must be quite entertaining to those as observant as you. All I ask is that after you observe me in all my insanity is that you'll change my name before you blog about it. Please?

Tammy said...

Your lip-syncing sounds so much better than what I'm usually saying ("What have I forgotten this time?")

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

The lip-movers, they amuse me too. Although I admit to occasionaly having a strong desire to punch the loud ones in the throat.

Susan in the Boonies said...

I love them, too, because they inspire people like you to amuse me with their imaginary conversations.

I honestly think this is a major theme in your life, Pearl.

It's what you do with the cats and the fish, as well. You make up stories to go with what you see.

And I think that is the sign of a novelist in waiting.

It's gonna happen: I just know it!

fishducky said...

There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with talking to yourself. However, if you ask yourself a question & then say, "What?", I'd worry!

Belle said...

I talk to myself a lot. I don't notice other people doing it much. It's kind of embarrassing when people ask you who you are talking to.

SandyCarlson said...

Some incredible microfiction here! You are very talented.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

I love the idea of narrating other's lives! I imagine lives and circumstances for strangers in public all the time. When we were young and my sister was being uppity, my brother used to launch into a life narration/interview on the spot, pretending he was a t.v. news reporter and she was a celebrity diva. We used to laugh hysterically about it, though I don't think our sister really appreciated the humor much. It's so entertaining in places like grocery check-out lines or airports to imagine others' lives and construct narratives. I especially loved your story of the man in search of the perfect root vegetable!

Amber Star said...

When I quit smoking five years ago I started making sort of singing sounds w/o words or any sort of music. It is sort of what kids do when they are playing with cars or something. My husband asked me about it once and I told him when I quit smoking I started singing.

I have to be careful now that I know there are those like you out there making up a story about my life.

The Elephant's Child said...

Don't we all talk to ourselves? Where else are we going to find someone who agrees with us on a reasonably regular basis. Not all of the time, but often enough to be encouraging.

HermanTurnip said...

As long as they don't move their mouths when they read, I tend to cut people some slack :-)

WrathofDawn said...

You would have loved the woman that walked down my street this evening, having a very loud conversation with... I couldn't tell. Did she have a Bluetooth earpiece? Was she talking to her dog? Or the imaginary man walking next to her. It shall forever remain a mystery.

W.C.Camp said...

Yes I hate those little Blue Tooth things because they make you look like you are a nut case having an argument with yourself in the car!! W.C.C.

mystic29 said...

Probably all nutters Pearl, avoid them at all costs! Word out here in the stcks is that everyone that lives in a big city is completely nuts..they'd have to be to live there...right?
Kymbo.
http://tempo11.blogspot.com/

Symdaddy said...

I will never again move my lips as I speculate on the origin, quality and future performance of any root vegetable that I plan to purchase.

Erm, am I allowed to move my lips when I sing along to the cd's in my car?

DWei said...

Hmmm... Maybe I should start doing this when I'm bored on the bus.

River said...

I've come to hate bluetooth. Everywhere I go there are people talking, talking, talking, to someone far away. Is it too much to wait until you're in an office? Does business have to be conducted 24 hours a day? I've even heard them discussing things while in the toilets. It's like we're all becoming robots, with no need to sleep or even wind down.

Dave King said...

You are right not to relate it aloud. There are laws about such things, but it's a brilliant post.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

That's actually very clever of you. You're taking something that drives me out of my mind with irritation and turning it into a positive. Wow. How do you do it?

the walking man said...

Lip reading is a rare talent especially as you're so good at it!

Pat said...

Thanks for the idea - next time I'm in a waiting room I'll give it a go. No-one can object to an elderly lady peering intently at their lips can they?