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Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Lady at the Bus Stop Has Her Demands

Should we run into each other today – and stranger things have happened! – you may notice that the tip of the thumbnail on my right hand is black.

Or, you may just notice my sparkling eyes. I have that effect on people.

Then again, odds are just as good that you’ll notice the blackened end of my right thumb, because once again, in an effort to clean up Our Fair City, I’ve soiled myself.

Or something to that effect.

You see, I hate graffiti. Do what you like with your own stuff, but leave my bus stop alone.

That’s right. I said “my bus stop”. It’s mine. Mine! Through eight years of steady patronage, including my fight to actually have the structure put into place and including the daily litter-picking-up service that I provide throughout my neighborhood, it’s mine.

Frankly, the whole neighborhood is mine. Just ask me.

And I’m tired of it being defaced.

So here’s what I want to see happen:

Just because someone’s written/scribbled on something doesn’t mean you have to leave it there. Cover it. Right away. If it’s city property, call 311.

That mail box hanging off the post by a nail. Maybe you re-affix it, put a fresh coat of paint on it? Even that large-mouth bass mailbox you’ve been secretly coveting would be an improvement.

I want people to sweep the sidewalks in front of their houses – not just some of us! All of us. I have a neighbor that takes a knife to the edges of his yard, runs it along where the grass meets the concrete. Talk about nice-looking! Wheee-doggie. I’m not suggesting we all do that, but really, if you do? There should be some sort of tax break, don’t you think?

And window cleaning. What’s happened to window cleaning? I know it’s a drag, but dagnabit people, I want to see my face in your window!

Which reminds me: what I do not want to see in your window is your butt. While I appreciate that you work out – and frankly, it shows! – I don’t want to know that you cook in the nude. You keep that up, you’re gonna burn something that shouldn’t get burned. If you’re not going to have respect for the people walking by, won’t you at least think of the Emergency Room personnel?

I have a list of other demands, but I think you get the picture.

Winter is coming.  Get yer chores done. 

And put some dang pants on.


mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Oh my God, Pearls on a tear. You go girl. Just for you I promise to pick up some garbage today (not my own). A little pride of ownership is a good thing yes?

Charlotte Ann said...

We actually have a machine called an "edger" that we use to make that clean cut between the grass and the concrete. Much faster then using a knife. I do the edging and use the weed eater while the husband mows. He thinks mowing is enough..while I think it needs that finish work to make it "pop". Yes Pearl..I'm all obsessed with things neat and TRASHLESS!

Leenie said...

The only thing worse than getting mooned while walking along is having to read others'crappy thoughts while walking along. Black thumbs UNTIE er UNITE (sorry--a little dyslexic)

jenny_o said...

My mother, a tiny woman over 80 years of age, still uses a huge freakin' knife to edge her flower beds. Scares me to death.

Civic-mindedness: more people should get some.

Eva Gallant said...

Pearl, you are a saint!

Pat said...

I've been raking leaves all morning - does that count?

powdergirl said...

I have pants on today Pearl! But I've failed miserably at window cleaning. My Irene is ill so I've tried my hand at it once again, and once again, I suck. I'm calling a window cleaning service!
But I mow right up to the road, pick up the trash for about a 600' stretch and I never ever graffiti anything.
Though I've got to admit that I find the graffiti at the skate board parks beautiful enough that I take the odd photo of it : )

Douglas said...

I had a neighbor once who trimmed the grass along the curb with a pair of scissors. Yes, scissors. Not those little clippers made for the job... no, scissors. Their property was the neatest and prettiest on the block. I hated them.

I have a lawn service. A young man who mows about 40 lawns a week and makes more than I did at the peak of my earning years. I happily pay him so I don't have to do it.

As for those graffiti "artists", could we spray paint them if we catch `em?

Vapid Vixen said...

I'm so useless in the kitchen the boyfriend once said he only wants me in there cooking if it's sans clothing. For the reasons mentioned in your post above, I've not been in the kitchen since. Plus, anyone else see a sanitation problem? Ew.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

You've inspired me, Pearl! I'm going to go out right this minute and pick the leaves out of our front yard gravel -- yard cleanup Arizona style!

Rene Foran said...

I have a request/opportunity for all the mailbox molesters who have taken to ransacking my turf in the wee small hours...if you need something to knock the crap out of please see me ( at a respectable hour). I have several rugs that need beating and I could sure use the help. Will supply whiffle bats.

bill lisleman said...

a tax break for edging your lawn - sounds Republican
how about a tax break for reading your blog?
I'm considering starting a Pearl fan club but it might get confused with that Pearl Jam group.
You might enjoy this:

R. Jacob said...

pride in where you live. It could start a trend!

Dan said...

You been staring in my window again????

Linda O'Connell said...

Oh those darned neighbors. Our house is between feudal colonialists from a foreign country, and even though the war is over, the battles and bad ass looks continue..across our fence/yard. I'm afraid I'll be caught in the crossfire one day.

aBroad said...

Oh god I am so lucky that the windows to the first floor apartments here are usually too high for me to see into .. or have shutters closed ..
Come visit me, we will have our own little graffiti fits ..

Pat Tillett said...

Civic pride! As I was growing up we lived in the "malcom in the middle" house, only worse.
Very funny Pearl!

Belle said...

I'm pretty lucky in my neighborhood. Everyone's yard is nice and when there is graffiti at the park the city comes and paints over it. I think it is great you want your bus stop and neighborhood to look nice.

jabblog said...

My neighbours wash the trees and polish the leaves - you'd like them. I regard it as my duty (and him that lives with me) to create a balance . . .

The Jules said...

Windows are for looking out of, not into young lady.

*does nude starjumps*

You deserved that.

The Elephant's Child said...

If graffiti is to stay, it should be beautiful. Our local government has taken to commissioning artists to paint the electricity junction boxes and similar ugly necessities. They look great, and are largely graffiti free (my favourite is the one with Mr Todd the fox on one side, and Goosey-Loosey on the other).

Susan in the Boonies said...

OK, here, in the Boonies, you can get a way with a lot.

We have the cover of the woods.

I'm just saying: you can get away with a lot.

But, when I cook? I'm clothed.

You may depend upon it.

C... said...

My windows are way too high in this 2nd floor condo for me to clean without a special ladder. They will stay dirty and no one can see me naked way up here. LOL unless they use binoculars.

Michelle said...

WHOORESS OLIVER NORTH - WASHINGTON is now a " very dead duck".

Kavi said...

Oh you are a crusader ! If you were here, there would be a million TV channels at your doorstep wanting a soundbite or two.

Unless they get distracted by that window. Or rather, whatevers cooking inside ! :)

River said...

I picked up a little garbage today too. Macca's wrappers on MY front lawn!! How dare they?

I think some people keep their windows dirty on purpose, so people can't see in. Maybe they don't have/can't afford blinds or curtains.

Michelle said...

WATT did you expect?
People are cowards in " SS" and KILLA HILLA singing her heart out against BILL!
PLUNDIGO to COMOP...you people are " quite fucked".
CONNIE MACK got " X'D" as the DEER for AK'S....there goes the " party"...with

Symdaddy said...

If you ever think of expanding your sphere of influence, you my like to cast your steely-eyed gaze (and soiled fingers) in the direction of Cardiff, Wales.

I'm fairly confident we can find you some cleaning duties to keep you busy.

danneromero said...

ha, ha, ha... you funny! (and i agree..)

K A B L O O E Y said...

I've got to say, I don't think you'd like being my neighbor. While I do keep my damn pants on when I cook, I have never washed the windows of my house. That's what rain's for. Same goes for my car. But there are no broken appliances on the front porch; that's about all I can say for myself.

Suldog said...

Our cities would certainly be nicer places if there were more of you. MY WIFE is similar to you, in many ways. She truly cares, sometimes to the point of depression (which is when I step in and start ranting about Thanksgiving coming before Christmas, which takes her mind off of her own insanity and focuses it on mine!)

Irisheyes said...

Hey Michelle, Here's a little story of a man named...Zip it.