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Monday, October 3, 2011

Why, That Woman has the Bearing of a Young Bea Arthur...

I was asked, the other day, to pick out something I really liked about me.

Where to start?

Is it my outrageous earning capacity? My love of the drunken arm-wrestling champeenships? My ability to appear to be paying attention while I’m really making a mental grocery list for later?

No. It is not.

I, my friend, have some awesome posture.

Yeah. I know, right? I’m like a model citizen over here.

I credit my mother. It’s not like she would whap us with a broom or anything, but “stand up straight!” and “suck that in!” were regular commands as a child.

As she has pointed out, we are not from slouching people.

Many of the things my mother told me over the years have stuck with me (“wash your hands”, “don’t order the fish on a Monday”), which means that I can stand up straight and suck in my gut like nobody’s business.

I’m sorry to say, though, that I think both standing up straight and sucking in one’s gut have gone the way of popping your own corn or darning your socks.

Both of which I’ve been known to do.

There are a lot of slouchers on the bus. And sucking it in? Smacks of work, doesn't it?

It’s funny how often my posture gets attention. I'm serious! Makes me look alert (the world needs more lerts!) and sincere, don’t you think? I can just imagine the conversations that go on around me as I walk down the street…

“That woman over there! Hire her!”
or
“We need someone’s opinion. How about that upright citizen waiting for the bus?”

Sigh.

Have I told you lately how much I enjoy the time I spend in my own head?

It’s so warm and comfy in there.

36 comments:

powdergirl said...

I like it in your head too Pearl : )

And I'm also posturally correct. Probably even posturally advantaged!

People ruin their whole body with slouching and I don;t know why anyone would want to do that, bodies can be quite difficult even without giving them a reason.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

On these chilly days it's the best place to be (in your head I mean, not the bus). Yep..we were taught to stand up straight, sit up straight. Seems to be a dying art.

Joshua said...

I'll bet you slouch when you're inside you're head though. Not outwardly, but just the mental image of yourself, slouching, saying "NO ONE CAN SEE ME! I'LL SLOUCH IF I WANT TO!!"

aBroad said...

I appreciate good posture.. I too had a mother who stood straight as a freaking drill sergeant and made sure that I did too.
I slouch now and then, just to get back at her.

Audubon Ron said...

Posture is VERY important if you the Hunchback of Notre Dame - if you want to get a part in the movie "The Bells are Ringing."

He stands in the bellfree (or is that bell-less) good posture, pulls on the bell rope and sings, "The bells are ringing, for me and my gal..."

Simply Suthern said...

Can you imagine if everyone on the bus were sucking it in how many more could get on the bus. But then if you hit a big pothole and everyone stopped sucking it in and let it all out?

Vicus Scurra said...

I have been happily slouching for many, many years. I can barely see what I am typing here, my head almost resting on the table and all.

Pat said...

Good advice from your Mum. If you stand up straight and suck it in your organs can settle comfortably in the right position and function as they should. This is particularly important when one has had an op or any painful procedure. And the calm breathing that goes with it of course.
Even now sitting at the 'puter I'm straightening and sucking like a trouper.

Susan in the Boonies said...

"We are not from slouching people" cracks me up.

My roots contain mercenary soldiers and bootleggers.

One branch of my family tree was the Slouchalots. Distant cousins of the Slackers, I do believe.

Silliyak said...

This makes me think of Garrison Keillor. On the contrary side (Pearl you ignorant ....) Ann Lamot has said something along the lines of "Your mind (not YOURS of course) is like a dark alley, somewhere you should never go alone" Personally, mine is more like a jungle canopy full of monkeys chattering, not unpleasant, occasionally amusing (to me) sometimes a bit annoying.

Silliyak said...

Also, monkeys, myself and likely cavemen slouch which may be the source of our mental clutter. Although I have actually met Ann Lamott, I cannot vouch for her posture.

aBroad said...

Susan in the Boonies and I might be distant cousins on the step-fathers side of the family .. his cousins were the Slackers of NC and I heard talk, when they thought the children were out of the room, about the Slouchalots. yep.

jenny_o said...

I think I'm one of Susan in the Boonies' and Abroad's distant Canadian cousins, the Sliders. As children and especially teens we slide down in our chairs until we are sitting on our middle vertebrae, and as adults we require pillows behind our lower backs, and disc surgery.

Thanks for letting us in your head, Pearl - it's so delightfully entertaining in here!

willfulresemblance said...

Good posture looks good on people. I try my best but I was raised to be a sloucher and not a lert.

fishducky said...

I'm glad it's warm & comfy inside your head. Mine tends to be cold & empty & the wind is starting to blow--I think a storm's coming in!!

The Savage said...

I know I'd marry ya...

Bodaciousboomer said...

How nice for you that you have a nice place to escape to that doesn't involve public transport or $. I'm jealous.

Macy said...

I do come from slouching people. I have a wild and probably forlorn hope that yoga will help this...

"GB" said...

I come from a long line of non-slouching people... I am still not sure how I am related. Try as I might, I slouch.

Eva Gallant said...

And what a good lert you grew up to be! Yo Mamma done good!

Gigi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gigi said...

Sorry for the "technical difficulty." I had to delete my previous comment because it had a grammatical error in it; the horror! Here's the corrected version.

Alas, the days of "stand up straight" and cursive handwriting have gone by the wayside, Pearl. These are dark days, indeed.

Of course, I must admit that I'm kinda slouched over as I type this.....

The Elephant's Child said...

I was also raised to stand tall. And my papa was not above running (a less than totally gentle) finger down my spine to ensure that I was upright.

Belle said...

I have terrible posture. I wish my mom would have yelled at me.

Ian said...

I used to date a woman who was an RN specializing is orthopedics who maintained if people would maintain good posture then many of the infirmities of old age would not transpire. You're gonna live and thrive forever, darlin'

Ian said...

Woo-hoo. It worked this way.

T.J. said...

Thanks for coming to visit my blog Pearl! I'm so glad you did because now I got to discover yours and I'm still rolling at all the things I've read over here! Ahh, sigh, wipe tears of laughter from my eye... and when I compose myself, I'll be your newest follower :)

T.J. said...

Thanks for coming to visit my blog Pearl! I'm so glad you did because now I got to discover yours and I'm still rolling at all the things I've read over here! Ahh, sigh, wipe tears of laughter from my eye... and when I compose myself, I'll be your newest follower :)

HermanTurnip said...

Why am I have sudden, uncomfortable flashbacks of the Upright Citizens Brigade television show? ;-)

Linda Myers said...

"Throw your shoulders back!"

She's gone from the earth now, but my shoulders still try to remember.

Tempo said...

Good etiquette is it's own reward..
(a saying made up by some skint person with a straight back)

River said...

I had great posture when I was younger, but now I slouch and sag so much you'd think I was a bag lady.

Amy said...

In third grade my teacher explained slouching to the class by telling the class to look at me. It scarred me, but not enough to make me straighten up.
Maybe slouchers are really just examining (or holding conversation with) their belly buttons. Don't judge!

Dan said...

Is it ok to slouch in bed? I get positively foetal when I sleep....

Diane said...

I've noticed that a lot of people slouch. Is it poor self esteem? Uncomfortable chairs? Earning a second income by searching for pennies on the sidewalk? I don't know. But it is intriguing, you have to admit.

R. Jacob said...

I am thinking good posture is good for drawing attention to ones attributes?