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Saturday, October 8, 2011

This? Oh, Just Something I Inherited

One of the benefits of my not feeling well has been plenty of room for quiet, reflective moments, time on the couch spent mulling over such monumental matters as people who refer to cucumbers as “pickles”; the increasing popularity of large wooden plugs in the pendulous, distended earlobes of the young; and the fact that I’ve inherited a scalp with so little oil production that I can easily go a week without washing my hair.

“I don’t understand this,” Mary says. “I can’t go more than two days.”

“Have you tried?”

“Look, I think I know my head.”

“Do you, Mary? Do we ever know our own heads?”

My own head comes near the current end of a genetic line of women with thick, dry hair. The truth is that it doesn’t get oily, it gets dusty; and brush as we might, we run the risk of finding, say, the odd bit of lint stuck in there.

If I had a dollar for every time someone reached for my head saying “Hold still a second, you’ve got something in your hair…” I’d have enough money for, well, several really good hairnets.

“A guy on the bus once pulled a live bug out of my hair,” I tell Mary. “Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

“That’s what you get for having thick hair,” she taunts. It’s an ongoing thing between us: she envies my thick, bugful hair and I envy her great-looking legs, despite the increasingly bad knees.

We each envy what the other has, despite neither of us having anything to do with its possession beyond upkeep.

“Hmm,” I say.

“Well, hey,” she offers, “at least they’re checking you out, huh?”

It is quiet as we stare at each other. “What kind?” she says.

“What kind?”

Her blue eyes have that twinkle in them, the one that lights her face from the inside, particularly when she’s messing with me. “The bug that he pulled from your hair. What kind was it?”

What kind of bug? Why I oughta…

She laughs as I lean forward, perchance to slug her one, but I am too late.

She’s already out of range.

The knees aren’t out of those legs yet.

26 comments:

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

Lint? Bwahaha!

Susan in the Boonies said...

I was an oil production factory when I was young: Exxon tried to get me to sign a release for drilling rights, but I was afraid my brains would leak out.

But now, I, too, can go a week, and no one is any the wiser. My shampoo bill has gone down, on the plus side.

powdergirl said...

I've got fine hair, much like a toddler : / But hey, nobody's pickin' bugs out of it! Little kids take the odd swat at my face though, I have a lady-bug sized birth mark on my cheek, they think its an insect. Or maybe small children just like to smack me on the face...

R. Jacob said...

A Three Stooges reference!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Oh to have thick hair again. Bugs and all. Now I constantly invent new ways to make what I have cover my scalp. Loads of fun.

Gigi said...

I would love to have thicker hair - lint, bugs and all. My hair is such an anomaly - it's fine, yet curly (who knew that was possible?). Me and my hair are in a constant state of battle.

Sioux said...

I'm with Mary...Kwitcherbelliachin' about your thick hair. I have thin hair, with oil to spare.

(If you send me your address, I'll ship some your way. Really. No problem.)

Belle said...

The only reason my hair has body is because I dye it. It really helps me. I don't have much oil either.

Leenie said...

Thick hair is a blessing/curse isn't it? My kids have not thanked me for passing along the need to double tip hair dressers, the double expense for enough perm to do a whole head and the hilarious/horrific result of a double perm. Good thing said hair needs less times shampooing because it takes double amount of soap to get the job done.

One son with hair the color of copper wire and thick as mattress stuffing just has his buzzed off and always wears a hat. His bald friends hate him. (Sigh)We seldom appreciate our inherited gifts.

aBroad said...

I say my hair is not thick, my husband says I have a lot of hair.
But it is stick straight. But not oily.
So I guess I am OK with it.
As the husband says, Just be glad you have it.

Pearl ? what kind of bug ?

Roses said...

You have a good friend in Mary.

I'd keep her.

And sit closer.

The Savage said...

The wooden plugs in my ears are 3/4th an inch. Were I able to grow the necessitated amounts of hair that didn't require my vanity to shave my noggin my hair would be oily. My beard, "Gustavus" (Yes, I have named my beard too) and Gunther (my mustache as before mentioned in my blog) are quite soft and well taken care of...

The Elephant's Child said...

OK. Thick hair - very thick. Needs daily washing. Sigh.

Jerry said...

I had hair. Once.

I removed it because of the bugs and lint. Or maybe age removed it. It is hard to remember.

jenny_o said...

Hair and noses - how we love to hate 'em.

Wait, that sounded like hair IN noses. Not going for that. Really.

I have thick fine oily hair. It can look passable on the second day after washing - but only for about as long as it takes to get ready for work and walk out the door. Then suddenly it's wilting and limp and greasy. So it's daily washing for me.

How ya feeling, Pearl? Hope you're getting better. It's cruddy to be sick.

Antares Cryptos said...

Offering a natural habitat for insects is very environmentally conscious.

Hope you feel better soon.

Pat said...

The more you wash your hair the more you have to - washing stimulates the oil glands.
In wartime when everything was rationed we had a bath once a week - 5 inches of water. Hair washed weekly but NEVER when one had the curse because you would go mad.

Bouncin' Barb said...

OMG that is too funny Pearl. I've had men put their fingers through my hair for other reasons but not to pull out bugs! That cracked me up. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one losing my knees. My legs still look good. They just don't function well! haha. Great post. Hugs my friend!

Eva Gallant said...

You and Mary are just a couple of cut-ups, aren't you? Love it!

Boom Boom Larew said...

I'll trade you your dry hair for my oily scalp whenever you're ready! (At least it's saved me from getting lice from the little imps I work with.)

darlin said...

Whatever you do don't let the kids today see you with a bug stuck in your hair... before you know it they'll all be doing the same thing.

I like your thoughts, well that you share your thoughts, it validates that I'm not the only one who has random (bordering insane) thoughts about everything, anything, and/or nothing... just check out my chickens on tonight's post, you'll see what I mean! lol

Have a great day and my suggestion...stay indoors if you don't want bugs in your hair. ;-)

danneromero said...

i guess i am a in-between... not oily, not bug or dusty collecting either.... i call it frizzy...

Bass said...

Funn and clever post, good last lines

"GB" said...

I do hope you are feeling better and that you have not had any bugs in your hair lately.

WrathofDawn said...

What? You're not better yet? That's a drag, Pearly. Hope that changes soon.

Fine, thin, wavy hair here. Used to have to wash it every 2nd day, but the mentalpause has changed that. Now get away with 2 or 3 times a week. Every cloud, etc..

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You and I share scalp genes, and pardon me for how gross that actually sounds written down... I can go days and days without washing my hair. Probably longer than I do, even, but I feel the need to freshen it up! I have medium fine hair but a whole giant bushel of it that's so damn thick. No oil. I'm a marvel of science, clearly. I have dry skin too and I drink a LOT of water. Hmm.

Sorry, I just made this all about me again.