I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

In the Midst of Life, We are -- Oooh! Fish Flakes!!

A re-worked re-post, my friends, while I continue work on my next book, "I've Saved You a Seat -- Tales from the Bus Side." I hope you enjoy it.

Found pale and unresponsive at the bottom of the aquarium last Thursday, Eddie IV, plecostomus, friend, and avid sucker of all things stationary, has died.
He was of an undetermined age.

Unlike Yang and the mystery that surrounded his death, however, no alarms were raised with this recent bit of unpleasantness.

The unfortunate discovery was met with the blandest of exclamations.

“I dunno,” said Lady G’Agua, ornamental fins rippling. “He just never really took to the tank. How long was he here? Three weeks? I called on him on his first day, of course, but he wasn’t much for conversation.”

Goldie Spawn, floating belly-up as she so often does, feigning death only to dive, coquettishly, when approached, said only that they never spoke.

Tank-mates Gill Miloche and Blanket said nothing at all but continued to pick up and discard the same flotsam they had just picked up and discarded moments ago.

Those two are, according to Lady G’Agua and Goldie Spawn, “gross”.

Non-tank denizens and half-lidded watchers of fish Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) were not available for comment, although the following was found attached to the bottom of the refrigerator, unsigned but in Liza Bean’s spiky, old-world script:

Birth, life, and death -- each took place on the hidden side of a leaf.
- Toni Morrison


New plecostomus Cuddy, meanwhile, purchased late Sunday, continues to flit from surface to surface in a panicked state.

“Where am I? Who’s that? What’s for dinner? And - oh holy crap, where’s Todd?

“WHERE’S TODD???”

21 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

He'll settle down once he finds a nice bit of slime to suck on.

Eva Gallant said...

I loved this!

ducksmahal.com said...

Viel Gl├╝ck mit Ihrem Buch.

Ms Sparrow said...

Having suffered the loss of a plecostomus or two, I feel your pain. At least they last longer than the little catfish!

I look forward to your new book of bus-riding adventures!

Leenie said...

Eddie IV, may he live long in our memories. You don't have to be a brain to do good, just a plecostomus who loves to eat slime.

Douglas said...

I would interrogate las gatas.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

Liza reads ( and quotes!) Toni Morrison?

There is really nothing more to say- except why. But since why is difficult to handle one must take refuge in how. ~ The Bluest Eye

That gentleman's lady said...

Poor thing.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I still love the name Lady L'Agua. It's impossible not to enjoy your writing. Can't wait 'til Tales... comes out.
xoRobyn

JeannetteLS said...

So sad. Poor Cuddy. Perhaps a tranquiler of sorts? A little bit of the weed for him? I am so sorry. I would still put my money on Goldy. You KNOW how they are...

If this is a sample of your book writing style, I can't wait.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Lady G'Agua, and Blanket...bwahaha. Cuddy...named for a MinnTwin? A character on House? An English cricketer and reported smuggler? Inquiring minds want to know!

Shelly said...

This made me giggle out loud- poor fish, though! Glad to hear your book is progressing- I look forward to reading it-

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

You're such a great writer, Pearl! Love this post!

R. Jacob said...

When I stop by, a smile on my face shows up too.

KAT said...

Love your pet stories!

Jayne Martin said...

And suddenly I'm wondering how a fish would commit suicide. Not that yours did. I'm sure he was very happy during his short stay at Casa Pearl, but you know... I was just wondering.

A new book! Yay!

River said...

You should have bought Todd too. Always buy fish in pairs, they'll comfort each other in new surroundings.

Carol Wyer said...

Morning Pearl!
What a great tale. Your writing is always extremely entertaining. I'm off to catch up on some of those past posts that I have missed while I have been flitting about the last few weeks.
Carol
www.facing50withhumour.blogspot.com

Belle said...

And he was so pretty!

Dan said...

Great yet sad tale...reminds me of my attempt at fish rearing when i was a child....lets say it usually ended with me in tears and the flush of the toilet after said fishy was found belly up...

Susan Kane said...

I guess he was too small to cook up? Your mom woulda cooked him, I bet.