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Saturday, October 15, 2011

I'd Rather Not Describe it Further

I’ve been working in an office setting for almost 30 years.

I’ll give you a moment to absorb that, time to perhaps make arrangements to send me flowers or gift cards toward adult beverages.

Thirty years of hourly wages, of benefit packages, of losing and finding umbrellas, of “work” heels tucked under my desk, of plants and lunch rooms and spreadsheets.

And bathrooms.

Now, I’m not here to demand lotions, hair sprays, feminine hygiene products or any of the things that a civilized business would offer its female employees. It would be nice, yes, but that’s not what I’m on about today.

No. I want a radio.

There’s no point in us going into exactly what recent and particular development has me wishing there was an audio distraction. There’re five stalls in that room – there’s no need for us to discuss the acoustic properties of tile.

And there's no need to bend down in order to see the shoes connected to such an intestinal event.

We're too mature for that.

Let us suffice it to say that bathrooms are necessary places, and that the odds are good that at some point you are going to hear things that you’d rather not hear.

Thus, the radio.

I’m going to a thrift store this weekend to buy a second-hand radio.

I think it’s the humane thing to do.

43 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

So true! Some blasting country or rock and roll can hide a multitude of sins!

Pearl said...

Eva, . :-)

Gigi said...

Excellent solution! Not only will it cover up the sounds we don't want to hear, it will also (hopefully) prevent *that* one from chatting. You know, the one who hasn't figured out it is not acceptable to start a stall to stall conversation out of the blue. It always starts out with, "Who's that? Oh, how are you today..."

aBroad said...

Cringing and wishing you the best radio a Thrift Shop can sell.
Are earphones allowed at work ? What about those Sound Muffling things ? ... you know, if you want a break from music and just crave peace and quiet .. total quiet ..
Best of luck .. really.

Douglas said...

You could start a sing-along of "Under the boardwalk" (ala Saturday Night Live some years ago), the acoustics in most restrooms (who actually rests there?) are perfectly suited to that song. Never mind, bring in the radio. Otherwise management might consider piping in Muzak...

Bossy Betty said...

Love it! If this does not work out, please contact me and I can send you a recording of me singing Loretta Lynn hits.

SherilinR said...

nothing worse than being in a silent bathroom in a stall beside someone else, needing desperately to take care of some business that has potential to be noisy. a radio would definitely help.

Ach du lieber said...

I love it. Company issued noise cancelling headphones and an industrial size exhaust fan should be standard OSHA requirements for any office restroom situation.

Leenie said...

Checking out the "shoes connected to such an intestinal event"...heeheeheehee! Love it. And brilliant idea. A radio wherein one could adjust volume and station would be soooo much better than that elevator music playing "Music Sounds Better With You."

Anonymous said...

Truer words never spoken - good luck in your mission of mercy Pearl. Have a great weekend.
Camille

R. Jacob said...

30 years? So you started working when you were 5 years old?

Audubon Ron said...

If you're in a "public restroom" long enough to need a radio we need to talk about seeing a doctor. Restrooms aren't about audio, they're about smellio. You need to be taking all your dumps at home anyway.

Linda Myers said...

I have a feeling that the men's restroom wouldn't have such a problem. They seem much more willing to share their experiences.

Joyful Things said...

Nothing Else Matters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVrq_hz05WI

Perhaps the ladies can pitch in and hire a cello quartet like these teens - they usually work for a handful of coins, plus it would be indoors and out of the elements - a different kind of wind and water for the quartet.

Belle said...

Excellent idea!

Linda O'Connell said...

I sometimes flush ten times to drown the sound.

NYC, Style and a little Cannoli said...

great idea! never would have thought of it but makes perfect sense indeed! good luck on finding your radio!! our work bathroom can sometimes be not a pleasant place but we have tried to add more personal touches to help (vanity, perfume, hand cream) this would be another great idea!!

Lazarus said...

Excellent idea, I agree wholeheartedly. But surely you're too young, lovely Pearl, to have been working in an office for 30 years. Love the new profile photo, you're looking even younger!

Sush said...

Too funny...sounds like it can't come a moment to soon! Need to find just the right station for potty tunes! Best of luck...

Shelly said...

Terrific idea- we could use one of those at my job, too!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Now you'll be having arguments about which station to play.....take my advice...before you take it in to work set it where you want it and disable the rest.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Pearl! I've said it before, I'll say it again. You're a freakin' genius! There are five stalls in our bathroom, too, all, at times, emitting awful noises. But not from me, no, never from me...

CarrieBoo said...

Now THAT, is a brilliant idea! Men just let rip and it's all good, but women aren't yet this advanced. A radio... love it.

Supergreensunbear said...

Hehe, most excellently you paint an all too familiar picture. I'd like a radio in our bathrooms at work too, in the mens the noises that come from some employees you work with, that aren't followed by the running of a tap, really do make you worried. I reckon what I don't know or can't hear quite so well, might prevent me from being reluctant to touch the door handles, I'm already down to little finger door opening and wiping the finger on my trousers as it is... I figure another 25 years of that and I'd be OCD :(

the walking man said...

@ Lynda Meyers...I probably will get kicked out of the men's club for letting you in on this but when we are in the washroom it is the one place we stare at the tile and think about getting that flow going and how well the tile was installed. We look neither right nor left and if using the stool it is not like at home we are as quiet as the proverbial door mouse.

Unless of course we're really drunk then all bets are off but the conversation is never enlightening or more then how about dem Tigers or whatever sports team is the team of the moment. All while every man is running in a different direction because the drunk guy has to aim wherever he is talking to and no one wants to get "rained" on.

Pat Tillett said...

I'm with you, but tell me why some people don't care about the noises? Especially the ones they make themselves...

A man called Valance said...

Sheesh! What a thought. How about Handel's Water Music?

jenny_o said...

Oh lordy, at first I read "intestinal" as "intentional" and thought you were going to refer to two sets of shoes, one being mens' ... I was glad to find I read wrong!

Also, if you have anyone remotely likely to, er ..."check out"... by running water over the radio, better find a plug where it's really hard to reach - that would also solve the problem of people changing the station :)

danneromero said...

good idea... BUT.. be careful what music flows from the speakers... you don't want to 'hear things' while listening to someone sing along to the tunes.... weird!...

Friko said...

you are so right to broach this delicate subject. There are supermarket loos who have no muzak, hospital loos ditto (hospitals! where noises off stage are a given!). Any public loo should be furnished with deafening muzak.

The village carpark loo provides loud opera muzak, now that's what I call civilized.

lisleman said...

Pearl I know you have an I-pod. Use it. Ok maybe it would be dropped. You could get a cheap MP3 player and just put bathroom music in it. The tiny I-pod I think clip on so those would work great.

Hey I gave you a shout out over at "I Can't Blog"
stop by sometime
http://blogicant.blogspot.com/2011/10/write-it-and-they-will-read.html

Nessa Roo said...

Two Words, Ladies: Courtesy Flush

Sioux said...

And like the "waltzing water/fountain" shows, where the fountains are synchronized to the music, perhaps sprays of Lysol odor-eating spray could be synchronized to the music. AND, maybe the women's stalls could be equipped with bidets, so no one would hear what is splashing/exploding downward, because of the water splashing upward?

The Elephant's Child said...

The radio sounds a wonderful idea. So long as you superglue its' dials to the program and volume which suits you.
I can see room for intestinal disasters if someone else changed the program whilst I was in mid ablute (so to speak).

Diane said...

Radio . . . and air freshener. These things make life gentile . . .

ipenka said...

They have these toilets in Japan that have a built in system to mimic sounds. Trickling water for #1 and...actuallyk not sure what for #2.

Tempo said...

Hell yes! I'm hearing you loud and clear right around the other side of the world Pearl...

Pat said...

And a few fragrant pot plants?

River said...

Music? Hah! We have that and air freshener too. The music is piped over the PA throughout the store, including upstairs, but it isn't loud enough to cover any bathroom sounds.
What we DON'T have, on a regular basis, is loo paper. I've worked there since the store opened in 2004 and I've lost count of the number of times I've got to work to find NO paper in any of the stalls. There's xxx women on the employment list, yet NONE of them can find time to go downstairs and get a pack of paper? Also the loos aren't very clean.

The Savage said...

Hmmmmmm... Maybe a gas mask radio combo?

Scarlet Blue said...

Yes, like some of my fellow commenters I am also concerned about the niffy whiffs, and all I can suggest is ear-plugs that double up as nose plugs.
Sx

Simply Suthern said...

Theres gotta a be a loud APP for that.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Music for the movements of our lives. I like it.