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Saturday, October 1, 2011

I Think I Might Be Getting Older

I don’t know if you know this about me, but lately, I’ve been aging.

It was subtle, in the beginning.

My dentist, for example. I stare up at him, his fingers and a number of sharp and Gothic-looking instruments in my mouth. What is he, 12? Sixteen? Did this guy drive to the office? Is that legal?

Weren’t dentists supposed to be old? Haven't dentists always been old?

And then came the day that I realized that my son is now older than I was when I gave birth to him.

Where did the time go?

But what can you do? Hey, you can moisturize all you like, but getting older is not just about wrinkling...

So I sat down the other day, in the spirit of openness and acceptance (and perhaps just a touch of fatalism), and started a list of things that aren’t so bad about aging.

(Clears throat)

And now, a small list of things that aren’t so bad about aging.

* A wee bit of memory loss. Would you believe that I spent the first three months of this year believing that I was a full year older than I actually am? This came to light only after I had a doctor’s appointment and she compared this year to my birth year and how old I had told her I was… Awkward…

On a related note, I’ve decided, going forward, that I will claim to be at least ten years older than I really am. That way, when I claim to be, say, 57, everyone will exclaim, “Well, honey, you could pass for ten years younger!”

* I’m getting comfortable with going to bed by 10:00. There I am, a nice hot bath, a good book – think of the money I’m saving! Hey! I’m not slowing down! I’m being economical!

* I no longer stay anywhere any longer than I want to. That’s a big one, don’t you think? Back in the day, it was possible for me to stay much longer than I really wanted to, whether it was a job, a relationship, a party. I didn’t know how to say I was leaving. It took years, but here's the secret. When you're ready to go, hold up a hand, smile big for the nice people and proclaim, “Hey! I’m leaving!”

There’s more that I’m sure I’ll spring on you some other time – I’ve got a Venn diagram of possible situations as they relate to my age on a wall in my bedroom - but this is another thing I’ve learned:

Leave ‘em wanting more.

Happy Saturday, everyone!

44 comments:

Tom said...

I feel your pain. I wish I had the energy and resilience of youth, but I guess there are trade offs. At least people call me sir now instead of dude.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

There's one thing you have to understand about aging....there is only one way to stop it.

Audubon Ron said...

You're still a puppy. Know why? You're not getting up at 3 a.m. When you start doing that, you're old-er. The final leg in old race is when you reach the point when your house is usually heated at 110. You will tell your guests, I have two temperatures, too hot or too cold. If it gets too hot, let me know, I can make it too cold. :)

Pearl said...

Tom, well, there's that. :-) Although some moron did refer to me as "dude" the other day, as in bumping me and mumbling "sorry, dude"...

Delores, oh, good point. :-)

Ron, Oh, no! I DO get up every night! Shoot. And the house's temperature -- well, we are now in a race of sorts re: how long we can live without turning the heat on. :-) It's a matter of four-season perversity, because once that thing goes on, there's no escaping the full realization of the fourth season: winter. As long as the furnace isn't on, winter can't possibly be on its way...

jenny_o said...

Don't forget the senior discount - starts at 55 most places now!

Scarlet Blue said...

Memory loss! Oh yes..... but now I've forgotten what I've forgotten.
Sx

Laraine Eddington said...

The thing I love about getting older is looking at mugshots in the newspaper of women that are a comparable age and saying "Oh mercy, I certainly look much better than her."

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

I've noticed my filter is starting to get a pin hole leak or two...and I'm starting to say what I feel. Gotta watch that!

fishducky said...

The best--& possibly the ONLY good thing--about getting older is that you're not dead YET!!

Macy said...

What I want to know is when I'm old enough to go back to smoking again....and drugs. When are you so old that it makes sense to do them?

darlin said...

Pearl at least you still have your teeth and remember where they are! lol Thanks for the early morning chuckle, a fantastic way to begin my day.

Jinksy said...

I think fishducky has a valid point ♥

WrathofDawn said...

The best thing about ageing? The absolutely best, kick-a$$ thing? It's... it's... Wait now... it was right on the tip of my tongue... *stares off into space*

Argent said...

The whole 'I'm leaving' thing is something I need to get a handle on.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I love being able to say, I have to go, I'm just really tired. But then, I'm 54 so I'm older than you. Works every time.

Barbara Blundell said...

I Find that there are quite a few bonuses to aging
If you live here you get a bus pass for free travel and you get to sit in that front seat marked "For the elderly and infirm "
When your slippers wear out Age Concern replace them with new. Same with an electric blanket
When you are served something nasty like spinach you can say, "I just love it but it aggravates my lumbago,arthritis, impetigo,asthma,gout and angina so I had better give it a miss thank you "
Selective deafness is also very useful as is an 'impaired memory "
also it gets harder to see dusty furniture and streaky windows

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes. There is more; much more yet to come!
--vanilla

aBroad said...

I am past the memory part ... I now preface most statements with ... "did I tell you this ?" or " what was I going to do ?" ...
My husband no longer looks annoyed, he just corrects me All The Time and says nice annoying things like No, You Forgot, It is Today etc... some days he could be less nice and more quiet. . you know ?

Someone told me the reason your eyes go bad at a certain age is so you can't see the wrinkles as much.. I agree.
Especially after getting new lenses in my new glasses, I prefer looking in the mirror without them.

I live in a "foreign " country so every woman is called SeƱora .. this keeps me from not being depressed, because in the US, if a boy called me Ma'm .. I would be depressed.

I be old.

Glen said...

speak up - I can't hear you

Minnie said...

Ah, but you see, Pearl, tis all about wisdom and a splendid word now discredited by the dastardly new-Puritans of PC-ness, 'discrimination.' So there's satisfaction in all that being perfectly happy to: go to bed early with a good book; count one's blessings, and to be certain in one's mind of what's important and what's not.

Thank you so much for your kind comment over at mine - cheered me up no end (just what was needed).

CarrieBoo said...

Wow, so true. I never used to be home and I'm now I'm always home. I am going to try your leaving method on the in-laws, Pearl! Beauty. And yes, I have been getting tired before 10pm lately. The very thought of pulling an all-nighter frazzles my brain. Oh dear.

Cloudia said...

brilliant.

Adore you as I'm making similar realizations


Warm Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral



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Friko said...

The "I'm leaving" big smile is the most liberating thing that's happened to me since I turned, ahem, middle aged.

Actually, have you noticed hoy young policemen are nowadays?

Belle said...

My favorite example is the last one. I love being able to just leave when I want to without feeling guilty. The old lady just has to go home - no biggie!

Joanne said...

My personal favorite--so much less to be in charge of.

clairz said...

My favorite thing from Erma Bombeck (well, the only thing I remember of hers any more) was when she said "you know you are getting old when you realize that you have cookie sheets that are older than your dentist!"

Once when I was waiting for the dentist (my first time at his office) I heard a motorcycle roar up outside, a door crash open, then a kid in a leather jacket stomped in and started looking at my x-rays. I was just going to leap out of the chair when I realized the kid was my new dentist.

Almost as bad as when the cute bagger at the grocery store (the one I was just checking out) called me "m'am" and I realized that life as I knew it was just about over!

The Elephant's Child said...

I think that aging is a LOT better than the alternative. And I wouldn't be a teenager again for anyone.

Gigi said...

Oh Pearl, we are soooo on the same wavelength today. I was just contemplating this whole aging thing (with disgust, I might add) but now you've got me looking at it from a whole new angle.

Eva Gallant said...

I look at it this way; getting old is better than the alternative.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Loved your observations about the dentist, Pearl! So true! Mine looks about 12, too! I also love your exit strategy, applicable for all situations! And I've long thought about getting one of those age-related T-shirts, but going a decade or two older. So my T-shirt would not read "Sixty and sensational" but "Eighty and sensational." I don't look especially remarkable for 66, but if I went around implying I was in my eighties, people might marvel. Could happen. In any event, I'm glad to have reached this age. Many of my friends didn't and my parents both died at 66, so I'm truly looking forward to my 67th next year!

Lo said...

Hey, Pearl.....I love ya.......great blog.
I could help you out a lot....I have a list longer than my arm regarding the good things about getting old....and there really are lot of perks.

I am 84 and still get turned on by stuff every day.....no....not stuff you sniff or smoke. Trouble is, I am using up all my energy so far in writing this comment so you'll have to wait.

You are on the right track with the delicious ability to leave any gathering whenever you damn well feel like it......when you get really old like me there are lots of things you can do without guilt that you wouldn't have dared do when you were younger and still cared what "people thought".

Mrs. Tuna said...

10 o'clock, you wild thing, I must be in bed by no later than 9....sometimes 7. Okay maybe 2 in the afternoon.

danneromero said...

thanks for your entertaining writing...
i found you on diminishing gene pool... another awesome writer...
i will be following you to get my daily dose...
thanks...

Susan Kane said...

Oh, I could get going on this one.
I told one of my doctors (whom I call Dr. Thor, because he is of Viking descent, and so darn cute) that one thing about being older than his parents is: "I can look at you cute doctors, and appreciate just how gorgeous you are." I did not ask for his driver's license though. He told me other patients have asked.

Susan in the Boonies said...

It's possible you ARE getting older. But I KNOW FOR A FACT you're getting better.

It's true.

HUGS!!!

Kavi said...

Hey, you can moisturize all you like, but getting older is not just about wrinkling..." ROTFL !!!

The 57 strategy sure caught my eyes despite its ageing too. The only risk I run there, is some comment like "damn, man you look at least 10 years older" !!

Sigh !

River said...

Another thing you can get away with is nanna naps in the middle of the afternoon, although they do tend to frown on that if you're at work on the checkout...

Jeanne said...

I actually AM 57. Two things recently made me realize how old I've grown:

1) I had some headshots taken and when the proofs came back, they pictured a crone.

2) Everyone who looked at said headshots commented on how flattering they were.

Bushman said...

The thing I dislike the most about aging is having to use your hands to get down to floor level to pick something up. Used to be able to just bend over or squat and pick it up. Now I have to practically lay on the floor to get it and the extra weight that wasn't here before makes me rock myself to sleep trying to get back up from the floor! Uhhh

Pat Tillett said...

A while back my granddaughter told me that old people are either nice or cranky. I'd have to agree with her.
Total freedom comes when people think your old and have lost your mind....

Dan said...

Umm...yes...Im yet to reach that epiphanic moment...or maybe I am merely in denial, but I have noticed the following boxes below are all ticked:
My doctor asked me if I have had a certain 'gland' checked as I was 'of that age'...
I look at the clock around 930pm and think ooooh time to put the electric blanket on to warm the bed...
I stare out the window and frown at the fashion sense of 'kids these days'. As if my blue mohican, leather jacketed, doc martened, butthole surfers t-shirt wearing statements of yesteryear were somehow cooler(they were)...
I make groaning sounds when I sit or stand up...
Hmmm....a pearl of thought for me...acceptance time I believe :)

Daisy said...

Of course you are getting older! Otherwise ...

I find that life gets better as I age. There is a certain freedom, not only to leave parties, etc. when you want, but to BE more of who I am and not worry about what others think. If I could only get my knee to work life would be perfect!

injaynesworld said...

"Leave 'em wanting more." And you always do, my friend. Looks like you and I are on the same wave length. My post this week is called "Living On Borrowed Time."

Pat said...

It's nice to be able to give yourself permission to please oneself occasionally - instead of always trying to please others. Not too often mind.